


Love

by RosaKei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, AruAni, Eremika - Freeform, F/M, Friendship, I Tried, Love, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Some angst, Unrequited Love, arumika, i guess this is sorta slowburn, i hope this isnt bad eh, more tags to be added later on, oh well, past aruani relationship, slowburn, some jeankasa?? idk, the arumika and eremika love triangle no one really asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2019-09-25 12:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17121311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaKei/pseuds/RosaKei
Summary: Love can bring people together, as well as break people apart. Armin Arlert finds himself in love with Mikasa Ackerman, however the raven has eyes for someone else, Eren Jaeger. Time goes by, feelings change. In this unrequited love, a love triangle forms. In the end, in Love, a choice must be made, even if it ends up hurting someone. What choice will Mikasa make...?





	1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Love._ It comes in many shapes and forms. Love between friends, Love between family, Love between lovers and many others. However, along with love, it can be _unrequited_ — not returned. And sometimes in love, people become selfish, people change and people become different.

Love brings people together, as obvious as it is. Although, it can tear people apart as well.

It was a typical Monday morning, Armin Arlert laid tiredly on his bed. His alarm echoed around his room, and possibly to other parts of his house. But it didn't matter to him, it's not like he would be disturbing anyone—he lived alone.

'I don't want to be late for school… nor do I want to leave _her_ waiting…' Armin thought quietly before slowly dragging himself out of bed. As painful as Mondays were to wake up to, he wouldn't want to miss lessons, especially with the given fact it had one of his favourite subjects that day—Geography.

Since he was young, he had always thought about travelling around the world, just like how his parents did—before they had met with an unfortunate and tragic incident, leading to their deaths.

The oceans, the islands, nature itself… he wanted to see them all with his blue orbs. Not only did he want to see them, but he wanted to understand them. So, with his curiosity, school wasn't that much of a pain for someone like him. It was more of… the people there that made him reluctant to even take a step onto school grounds.

As he dragged himself to the washroom, his phone rang. It was Mikasa Ackerman. Picking it up, he was greeted by the raven's voice, that didn't sound all too pleased.

"Armin? Where are you? I've been waiting outside your house for quite a while… if you don't hurry up, we'll be late."

"Late…? It's only…" Armin murmured, trailing off as his eyes squinted at the top of his phone screen which read, _'7.37a.m.'_. His eyes widened in shock, he didn't expect to be this late. It wasn't the first time he had read the time wrongly.

"Armin, next ti—" Before the raven could've completed her sentence, the blonde hung up and rushed himself in his preparation for school.

* * *

Mikasa sighed, shaking her head when the blonde had hung up. Usually, he wasn't as disorganized as this as compared to a brunette she knew—Eren Jaeger. She wondered if that brunette was even awake, but she knew even if he overslept, his mother would wake him up immediately and made sure he'd reach school on time.

Mikasa had been neighbours with Armin since… well, forever. They were close friends, _best friends._ And of course, Eren was included in that category as well, except, he lived around two or three bus stops away from them. Regardless of this small distance, they'd hang out often anyway. And as much as Mikasa would've wanted the brunette to join her and Armin on their morning walks to school, she knew he probably wouldn't want to, considering he'd probably have to wake up earlier.

The raven fiddled with her red scarf that she currently wore. It was a gift from Eren, in which she treasured dearly. After all, that particular scarf had kept her warm during… _cold and cruel moments of her life_ , especially one in particular which she… really, _really_ didn't want to remember. That particular moment of her life had changed her so much, it wasn't something so easy nor trivial that she could just... _forget_. Although, she wished that were the case—that she'd be able to forget. It would probably make her life a little better.

A few minutes went by, and the blonde was nowhere to be seen. Mikasa heaved out another sigh, taking out her phone and was just about to phone him until she heard fast-paced footsteps coming towards her direction. Looking up, she saw the blonde running towards her.

"Sorry! I read the time wrongly…" Armin spoke, giving a nervous chuckle towards the end. Mikasa only shook her head as she responded, "This isn't the first time, I told you to wear your glasses before reading the time." There was a certain nag in her tone, which Armin gave another nervous chuckle at as he adjusted his glasses. His sight wasn't that bad, it was more of the fact that early mornings made him a little… blur, to say the least. Letting out another sigh, Mikasa continued, "Never mind that… you are here now at least, that's all it matters. I was worried for a while that you were sick again, like before..."

Armin let out a sigh as he spoke, "Even if I was sick again, you need not worry as much as before, I can take care of myself, Mikasa…"

Mikasa gave a nod. "I know you can. But, _I care for you_ , Armin. What do you expect?" The raven responded, a small smile cracking on her lips, causing the blonde's eyes to widen for a while. Although, before he could reply, the raven continued, "Anyways, we have ten or fifteen minutes left before school starts, and it's around a ten minute walk… we'll make it if we speed up our pace, let's go."

Without even waiting for the blonde's reply, Mikasa grabbed his hand and started to walk in a fast paced manner. "I-I can walk by myself, Mikasa!" Armin spoke before squeezing his hand out of Mikasa's grasp as he kept up with her current speed. The last time people saw Mikasa grabbing Armin's hand and well, dragging him, he got made fun of by some bullies. But of course, they stopped when Mikasa and Eren came to his rescue.

He always hated that—that he had to be a burden and let others fight for him. He wished he could defend himself. He didn't want to trouble anyone… he didn't want to feel useless. These sort of feelings, he kept to himself. He didn't want them to know about such insecurities, he didn't want them to feel his burden. Although, he didn't hate the warmth that came along with Mikasa's hand whenever her hand held his _. But even that, he didn't want to admit._

"Do you think Eren's at school already?" Mikasa questioned the blonde, glancing at him briefly. Armin, in which, let out a small scoff. "Probably not." He responded, "Then again, it's the first day of school after the long break, and knowing how his mom can be… it might be possible that he had reached school earlier than us."

Armin in particular, didn't really mind Eren's absence on their walk to school. This walk to school was just… something he had—something he had with _only_ Mikasa, _something that Eren didn't have._ This was something he treasured, after all, Armin liked—no, _he loved Mikasa._

Armin didn't know or rather, he couldn't remember when he started to feel this way for the raven. All he could clearly recall was that he found peace and reassurance in Mikasa's warmth. He remembered as kids, they would often play around, both with and without Eren. He remembered how beautiful her smile was, how much it made him smile. But it wasn't just that, he admired her strength, her will and just… _so much more_. He loved everything about her. _However…_

"I see him by the gate! And we have… three more minutes before the bell rings, come on! …Eren!" Mikasa called out as she rushed towards where the brunette had been waiting for them for who knows how long. She began to sprint towards the gate, Armin following right after, but he slowed down his pace as he watched the sight before him.

_However… she had eyes for someone else._

There he was, watching someone who he loved dearly chasing after someone else. It was a painful sight to see on his part, but… the smile she wore as she approached him was just bittersweet, in a way. He loved her smile, but the reason behind her smile, pained him.

Even if she didn't know, even if he didn't know, it had been clear to the blonde a long time ago.

_Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger._

* * *

Eren had been waiting by the gate for quite a while. The blonde and the raven would've normally reach much earlier than him. Then again, his mother had practically woken him up an hour earlier before his own alarm could and rushed him to school. Eren didn't really dread the idea of school, it was just a 'shrug of a shoulder' thing. But of course, preferably, he would rather stay at home.

'I wonder what's taking them so long…' Eren thought quietly as he glanced at his watch. A few minutes left before the bell would ring, signalling the start of class. He didn't really mind being late, it was more of the fact that he didn't want to hear a lecture from his mother… or Mikasa. But even she was going to be late, probably. However, he knew how Mikasa was like, along with Armin—they would never be late.

While Eren waited by the school gate, his emerald orbs caught a glance at another male—a _horse faced_ one at that. It was Jean Kirstein. Coincidentally, Jean had made eye contact with the brunette, and then gave Eren an agitated look, followed by a scowl. Eren returned the favour, shooting a glare towards him. Eren didn't like Jean, just the sight of him would just irritate him as it already did— the same went for Jean. They would normally cause fights—and thank goodness one didn't break out, it seemed Jean was preoccupied with other things—chatting with his friends, that is.

One of the brunette's many reasons for disliking, or rather, _hating_ Jean was due to their opposing opinions on particular things. For one thing, Jean called out Eren for being a fool and a suicidal idiot for well, doing impulsive and mindless things that would only cause him harm and no good, like pissing the wrong people off. Eren had argued back that it wasn't a mindless thing to do, and that he pissed off particular people for a reason, picking up fights as well for a reason. Majority of the reason would involve _those_ people having bullied a certain blonde friend of his. He had also called out Jean for being the real idiot, for not doing as such.

Another thing was that, Eren didn't like the way Jean would stare at Mikasa sometimes. He found it weird, and would often get pissed off and call him out for it. He didn't know why he was staring at Mikasa in such a… weird manner though. He didn't know how to describe the expression he made when he would stare at her—the only word that came to mind was _stupid_. Although, whenever Jean would stare Mikasa in that way, he couldn't help but feel something… _something linked with the rage he would often feel._

Shaking those thoughts off, he turned towards the entrance of the gate when he heard a familiar voice calling out his name. It was Mikasa, and behind her, was Armin.

"What took you guys so long?" Eren asked with a sigh as Mikasa approached him. "Armin read the time wrongly and—" Before Mikasa could finish her sentence, she glanced to where Armin was. He had apparently paused in his tracks, looking towards the two in such a pained manner… _but why?_

"Armin? What's wrong?" Mikasa called out to him in a concerned manner. Her voice managed to drag Armin back to reality as the blonde shook his head before entering the school gates. "Nothing… it's nothing. I'm just tired. I was up all night reading a book." Armin assured, it wasn't really a lie considering that was what happened.

Mikasa shook her head as she spoke, "Are you sure you're alright? And please tell me you were reading with proper lighting, at least… and Eren, your hair is messy." Mikasa sighed as her hands reached out to adjust the brunette's hair, except the brunette was quick to push her hands away. " _Mikasa!_ I'm _not_ your kid brother or whatever. You don't have—" Before Eren could finish his sentence, the bell rang, cutting him off. "Ah crap! C'mon we can still make it to class on time, let's go!" Eren spoke before rushing off, Mikasa and Armin following right after.

* * *

_Love brings people together, as obvious as it is. Although, it can tear people apart as well._

_And with love, it also forces people to make a choice._


	2. The Roles We Play —〈 I 〉

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

Love. It can hurt.

* * *

_Before Eren could finish his sentence, the bell rang, cutting him off. "Ah crap! C'mon we can still make it to class on time, let's go!" Eren spoke before rushing off, Mikasa and Armin following right after._

* * *

Fortunately enough, the trio managed to reach class on time and everything went smoothly. Well, until Geography came about. The teacher had paired the students for a project that was worth a quarter of their grades. Coincidentally enough, Mikasa got paired with Armin. Whereas for Eren… he wasn't as fortunate— and that's when the trouble began.

"Can't you pair me with someone else?! There's no way in hell am I pairing up with this horse-face!" Eren protested, clearly resenting his partner, in which, was Jean. "I actually agree with this idiot for once—Horse face?! Who are you calling that?!" Jean scowled, the two men glaring daggers at one another.

Armin sighed quietly as he watched their argument, Geography was supposed to be a peaceful period. Why did this chaos had to break out? Mikasa on the other hand, was trying to calm Eren down, but it was to no avail. It was only when the teacher yell at them to stop, did they shut their mouths.

"Watch your language! One more word and both of you are heading straight to detention." The teacher reprimanded sternly, before letting out a sigh. There was no way in hell she would be able to tolerate their arguments during discussions held during class about the project. So, grudgingly, she relented. "If anyone is willing to trade partners with either one of you, I don't see an issue."

Although, despite the teacher's solution to their problem, no one seemed like they wanted to partner with either one of them—especially after that _'vulgar'_ argument. Well, no one except a particular raven.

Mikasa glanced towards Eren and Jean. She felt the awkward atmosphere intensify as everyone ignored the situation at hand. Even the two males looked around in desperation, they _really_ didn't want to work with one another. And as much as Mikasa wanted to volunteer herself, to save Eren from the current situation, she decided not to. After all, what would happen to Armin then? She wasn't familiar with Jean's character and personality, and wasn't sure if she could trust him partnering with Armin on the project. The last thing she wanted was for Armin to end up doing all the work, or suffer through any offensive insults that he may or may not spout out.

The raven's eyes softened at the brunette who looked pissed off and rather devastated at the fact that he would most likely end up partnering with Jean, seeing as to the whole class was unwilling to volunteer themselves. She felt pity towards him, she understood how much of a pain it could be when a person ended up grouping with someone they dislike. But unlike Eren, Mikasa wouldn't really openly voice out her issues on such things, she saw it as trivial and a really unnecessary thing to complain about. Moreover, she had more tolerance as compared to Eren on these sort of things. But all in all… she wouldn't ditch Armin like that. He was her friend, her _close_ friend after all. And she _never_ wanted him to feel like a lesser person as compared to Eren.

The teacher heaved out a sigh, as she spoke, "I guess no one's willing to—"

" _I don't mind."_ A voice had cut in, it had been Armin.

At that moment, all eyes darted towards him, mostly in shock that he bothered to get himself tangled up in such a situation. And what he said next was definitely something that caught everyone, especially Eren and Mikasa, off guard. "I'll partner with Jean, Mikasa can pair with Eren instead. Right, Mikasa? You don't mind it, right?" Armin asked nonchalantly. It was odd to everyone, they all knew Eren, Armin and Mikasa were friends but they hadn't expect Armin to really… get out of his comfort zone or even volunteer himself, to say the least.

Moreover, given Armin's personality, everyone had assumed he would rather partner with Eren since he'd be more familiar and comfortable with the brunette— and that he would leave Jean to Mikasa. Since the raven could, well, tolerate more. But that wasn't the case.

"I... don't mind but—"

"I guess it's settled then, right?" Armin spoke, cutting Mikasa off as he glanced over to the teacher, who gave a hesitant nod. "I guess so… class is dismissed then." The teacher spoke, before walking off as the bell for lunch rang. With that, the class dispersed.

"Hey… Armin, why did you—" Mikasa had called out, however she was cut off by Jean who approached the blonde. He proceeded to pass the blonde a small piece of paper. "Here's my number. Text or call me whenever you want to start the project." Jean spoke plainly before walking off. Glancing at the paper which Jean had messily written his phone number, the blonde let out a weary sigh before stuffing the piece of paper in his pocket. _'Well… at least he cares enough to get involved with this project… can't be that bad working with him…right?'_ Armin thought silently to himself, drowning in his own worrisome thoughts—until he was dragged back to reality after receiving a firm and abrupt grip on his shoulder.

"Thanks for saving me there, but you sure you want to work with that Jerk-face?" Eren had asked, which Armin gave an unhesitant nod of reassurance. "Yeah, it's fine…" Armin assured before noticing the concerned expression both Mikasa and Eren suddenly wore.

Eren and Mikasa had been with Armin since forever, and they knew the terrible experiences he had been through with people—especially in group projects, where he had to take up most of the burden alone. "Don't worry, if there's anything wrong, I'll tell you two, I promise." The blonde assured once again, flashing a small smile. And before Mikasa could continue her question—wanting to ask him why he did what he did, considering he wasn't one to really interfere in such situations, Armin shuffled towards the door, excusing himself. "I have to use the washroom… I'll meet you two in the cafeteria!" And with that, he left before either one of them could say a word.

As the blonde walked off to the washroom, he thought quietly to himself _, 'Mikasa… looked like she really wanted to work with Eren instead of me… at least she's probably happy with the partner she has now. That's all it matters. That she's more comfortable and happy. I wouldn't want her… to see me as a pest or burden after all…'_

But, of course, Armin dare _not_ say that.

* * *

After the blonde left to the washroom, Mikasa and Eren left the classroom, making their way towards the cafeteria.

"That really wasn't like Armin, don't you think?" Eren asked, glancing towards the raven who nodded in agreement.

"I agree… he doesn't like to interfere in situations like that much. But maybe it's a good thing—that he's learning to speak up… plus, you looked very desperate back there. I wanted to do the same thing b—"

"Shut up, who wouldn't be desperate to get out of partnering with Jean?" Eren sighed, shaking his head. "Well... what's done is done. I'll come by your place for the project, if you don't mind." Eren queried. The brunette personally would rather to go to her house for projects, considering the last time either Armin or Mikasa came to his house regarding a project, his mother would tell embarrassing things about him—and then, would constantly nag at him to work harder in the project and stop slacking off, things like that. Sure, she may be just teasing him, but he would rather not deal with that.

Mikasa gave a nod, and just as she was about to respond, Eren reached out his hand, flicking the back of Mikasa's hair a little. "On another note, I think you should get your hair cut a little shorter before it starts bothering you during practice. Even when you tie a ponytail, you still seem annoyed with it at times." Eren suggested.

Mikasa had been in the track and field club, along with Eren. The boys' and girls' team would often race together since there weren't that many members—most of the members in which had decided to ditch training. And whenever during training, Eren would notice her hair seeming to bother her. But he didn't really bring it up till now, having assumed she'd deal with it on her own, but it didn't seem so.

"You think so?" Mikasa murmured, glancing towards the brunette. She never really considered short hair. "How short should I go for?" Mikasa asked, which Eren gave a shrug at. "It's your hair, you decide… just don't get the exact same haircut as Armin if you planned on getting it cut to his length. We have enough coconut heads." He joked plainly, which Mikasa rolled her eyes at slightly. "Yeah…" She sighed, as she adjusted her scarf slightly.

"You still wear that old thing? It's not even winter, Mikasa. Plus, it's getting all old and stuff, I can get a new one, if you want." Eren groaned as he noticed the raven adjusting the red scarf he had gifted her back then. His rather… _'Insensitive statement'_ , accompanied by _that_ tone caused Mikasa to flinch slightly.

The raven had always been hurt, just a little, by that statement. The fact he couldn't understand the scarf's importance to her till now, after all this time, was just… _painful_ and possibly disheartening. The red scarf that Eren had given her, that she wore, had meant so much to her, she treasured it dearly. And yet… Eren couldn't understand why, even after all these years, even after all that time went by ever since… _that_.

"You… wouldn't understand…" Mikasa murmured out her thoughts unknowingly, causing the brunette to frown at. "What do you mean I won't understand?! I'm not a kid, Mikasa! I…" Eren spoke, a little frustration mixed in his tone. Although, he paused at his words when he noticed the pained look Mikasa suddenly wore. That expression of hers… caused a rather familiar pain to ache in the brunette's heart. Eren instantly looked away, not wanting to see such an expression on her face— he couldn't look at her whenever she'd have that expression for whatever reason.

Whenever he felt Mikasa would be treating him like a kid, he just couldn't… take it. He just wanted some independence for himself. Even if Mikasa didn't mean it, there would still be some… _frustration_ that would accumulate within Eren. Why did Mikasa had to be so overprotective? Why did she treat him like a kid? All these questions were created by how Eren viewed things—how Eren viewed Mikasa. He didn't want to be seen by her as her little brother or anything like that, it was irritating enough. As his emerald hues made contact with her obsidian orbs, he bit his lip. Even if he was dense about the deep meaning behind a few trivial things, he still had the ability to notice the hurt in Mikasa's eyes which she failed to hide.

Eren _never_ meant to hurt her, ever. He… did care a lot for her, even if he did find her annoying at times. He just didn't know how to express that care he held for her, at the same time he didn't know how to properly explain and express the many reasons why he didn't want to be treated… like _that_. He just wanted her to see him as… something other than that, but he didn't know what particularly. _The idea of friends didn't seem… very suitable, for whatever reason._

"Look… Mikasa…" Eren murmured, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he searched for the appropriate words to say to her, to make her feel better. However, just before he could continue with his sentence, he heard some whispers that caught his and the raven's attention.

" _I heard there's a fight behind the school right now…"_

" _Really? With who?"_

" _Some blonde kid with nerdy glasses and with those bullies."_

" _Really? Poor thing, wouldn't want to get involved in that."_

Mikasa and Eren looked at one another in fear, in anger, and without a trace of hesitance, they turned their backs as they sprinted to the location of the fight.

* * *

"For the _third_ fucking time, do our homework or—"

"… _No._ I already told you—" The blonde mumbled out, however he was cut off as he received another excruciating punch right to the stomach before he was then thrown to the ground.

It would've been so much easier to comply. It would've saved Armin the trouble of getting into shitty situations like this... and getting a new pair of glasses. However, the resentment he held towards the group of bullies had caused the stubbornness in him to rise—in which, resulted his now bleeding cheek, broken glasses and of course, the new bruises. But not tears... _not yet, not now. He fought the urge to so desperately hold them back. He didn't want the role of a 'weakling'._

The leader of the group of bullies proceeded to grab the blonde's collar, before shoving him up against the wall in a ruthless manner. "What's wrong, shit-face? If you got a problem, why don't you punch me back?" He had spoken in a rather mocking way, having expected for the blonde to cower and finally give in… but that wasn't the case.

" _No…I won't stoop that low."_ The blonde started before continuing, "You're asking me to do your homework so as to help your grades, and like I keep on telling you, making me do all your work won't help anyone. You're beating me up because you can't seem to comprehend the fact that—"

"Shut up!" The bully screeched as he clenched his fist, raising it up high before giving another punch straight to his stomach once again. "Oi, Oi, don't leave too much of a mark, that stupid _couple_ may come hunting us down for their lost runt." One of the bullies scoffed as he only then took notice of the many bruises they left all over him. Either way, it didn't seem like they planned to stop their violence. The blonde had been used to this by now. The pain, the bleeding, the wounds… he was so used to it, to the extent he was numb to it, sort of. It wasn't the first time _these sort of situations_ have ever happened. Pitifully enough, he grown… adapted to it— to being…. _'Weak'._ At the same time, he still struggled. He struggled to escape that role— the role of being a _'weakling'._

"Eh? Couple？ _Ackerman and Jaeger?_ That's news to me… whatever, that brown-haired moron doesn't bother me." Another bully scoffed, and at hearing those names, Armin lifted up his head wearily, facing them.

' _Couple…? Even they… see them as that, huh?'_

It was a very odd thing to think about that in these sort of situation, especially with the given fact that the blonde was currently bleeding in all sorts of areas after receiving quite a few blows all over during earlier parts of their _'conversation'_. But, he couldn't help it. The topic of Mikasa and Eren being possible future lovebirds had always stung him in the heart, and that possibility was always haunting him. Moreover, that bully's words seemed to have… evoked a memory from a few years back.

It was after school that day, and he was probably around thirteen or fourteen… he couldn't recall clearly. Either way, it had been a few years since that conversation, yet he managed to remember it so vividly. He wish he didn't.

* * *

"Hey, Hey! Mikasa and Eren look so cute together don't they?" Sasha spoke, giving a nudge to Armin.

"Uh… I—"

"Eh? What makes you say that?" Another student spoke, Connie.

"There was this movie I watched, and they're exactly like that! Just think about it, bad-boy Eren and good-girl Mikasa! I mean, Mikasa's always getting him out of fights and stuff! And Eren's like the guy who, you know, helps her live life to the fullest!"

"Eh? If you are so into bad-boy stuff why don't you just date Eren? I heard he likes potato girls." Connie scoffed, teasing Sasha a little, in which she gave an annoyed huff at. "He ain't my type, meat is a much better option… and stop callin' me potato girl!" Rolling her eyes, she turned back to Armin. "It must be hard, for you to be _their wing-man_. They're so dense… just like that movie! Ahhh!" Sasha squealed a little. Armin only remained silent, his eyes glancing away for a moment as his hands fiddled with one another.

' _Wing…man…?'_ The blonde pondered on that term for a while. He knew what he meant but… he couldn't decide if that was a compliment—that Sasha saw him close enough to Mikasa and Eren to assume his role of a wing man, or if it was just an _… unintentional insult._ He didn't feel offended or anything, it was more of… he had felt some form of resentment to at the thought of being placed in that role, the role of a _'wingman'_. _He didn't want that._

After a while of listening to Sasha's squeals, the blonde managed to garner the courage to ask, "What… happened in the end? The movie, I mean…"

"They got together in the end and I heard they got married in the sequel!" Sasha squealed, which Connie scoffed at mockingly, resulting in a childish argument between the two.

Armin bit his lip as he felt his heart ached a little. He didn't understand why it had hurt. After all, if anything, he should be happy for Mikasa and Eren if they do ever… get together… right? Just like that movie… they did live happily ever after, right?

Mikasa had eyes for Eren, and Armin knew that… he was reminded of _it every day_. The way she would look at Eren, and the way she would look at Armin differed so, _so_ much.

"Speak of the devil." Sasha smirked, causing the blonde to look up—only to see Mikasa and Eren standing by the door. "Armin! The bell just rang, c'mon already!" The brunette groaned impatiently.

"A-Ah sorry!" Armin spoke, before quickly packing his bag, giving a wave to Sasha and Connie before he left.

The three strolled through the school hallway, making their way towards the school gate. "Armin, is there something wrong?" The raven asked quietly, having noticed a rather… _gloomy_ aura surrounding the blonde. Armin only shook his head, "It's nothing, gym class just made me tired…" Armin laughed a little nervously. "Oh…" Mikasa muttered in response, seeming a little dissatisfied with his answer. "I mean... it's just—" Before the blonde could finish, Eren had turned towards them. He had eavesdropped on their conversation a little. "Did people pick on you again?! I swear I'll—" And before Eren could finish his sentence, Mikasa had cut him off as she went forward to adjust his messy collar. "Eren, your collar is tucked in instead of out again." Mikasa sighed.

Eren had been caught off guard by her sudden action. "M-Mikasa?!" The brunette stuttered as his eyes widened, trying to pull Mikasa away, it was clear that he found it embarrassing. "Stop moving, your whole uniform is only getting messier." Mikasa chided.

Armin watched them silently, his hand gripping onto his blouse in a pained manner. ' _Why_ do I feel so…' Armin thought, however, mid-way, he wasn't able to think of an appropriate word to suit his… current emotion, during then.

'… Why—no… when. _When_ did I start feeling this way?'

Ever since then, Armin had been questioning himself _that_ a lot, especially when he felt that particular emotion. Sasha's words had seemed to have left an impact on him as well. He often wondered, if he should just resign from feeling this way towards Mikasa, and accept his role of a _'wing-man'_. But, something about that role made him feel discontented. However, it wasn't like the role he was _currently_ playing made him feel any better.

* * *

Bringing himself back to reality, he continued to listen to the bullies' conversation which consisted rather pathetic jokes of his two friends. One of them eventually called the blonde a damsel in distress—and that stung him even more than the fresh wounds probably could. He resented that particular role so much. He didn't want to be helped every single time… just once, _just once_ he didn't want to be a useless burden—and that was probably one of the reasons why he didn't even bother shouting for help.

"Do you think you can ever beat Mikasa?" One of them suddenly asked, and the latter replied, " _That bitch?_ Well—" And before they could continue in their conversation, the blonde suddenly glared daggers at him as he spoke, " _Don't you dare call her that._ " Armin suddenly spoke, in a rather agitated manner.

"… If anything… _you_ are—" Before the blonde could finish his sentence, he saw the bully raising his fist high up in the air. It seemed he planned to shut him up by knocking him out rather than spouting insults at him. The blonde then closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for the worse. Even he knew, he had no strength to avoid or defend himself… that's how cruel the world was. The weak are defenceless against the strong. The weak, the prey. The strong, the hunters or predators. That's how Armin viewed the world at least. _It was merciless._

'At least… _they_ aren't here to waste their time and strength… to save _this_ burden…' Armin thought silently.

Well, that was he thought until he heard a familiar voice calling out his name.

" _Stop!_ Or I'll beat the living crap out of you!" A brunette screamed, causing the bullies' attention to be redirected. However, they didn't seem that fazed by Eren's sudden entrance. Well, that was until they saw another one of his ally. "Pft, it's just that moron. We can take him, right— _wait… Fuck! Mikasa's behind him!_ "

Clicking his tongue in an agitated manner, the bully gave the blonde a parting ruthless kick right in his liver before scrambling off along with the others.

The kick to the liver seemed to affect Armin a lot, considering a loud yelp of pain had escaped his lips right after that—followed by his body collapsing to the ground. Still conscious, the blonde looked towards the raven and the brunette that were now rushing towards him in a worried manner… and he never felt so damn useless in his life till now.

' _Why… why did you have to come? Why… Why am I so… useless? Why…'_ And before he could finish his thoughts, the world went black for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review/comment and Kudos!


	3. I Never Meant To

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Stop!_ _Or I'll beat the living crap out of you!" A brunette screamed, causing the bullies' attention to be redirected. However, they didn't seem that fazed by Eren's sudden entrance. Well, that was until they saw another one of his ally. "Pft, it's just that moron. We can take him, right—_ _wait…_ _Fuck! Mikasa's behind him!_ "

_Clicking his tongue in an agitated manner, the bully gave the blonde a parting ruthless kick right in his liver before scrambling off along with the others._

_The kick to the liver seemed to affect Armin a lot, considering a loud yelp of pain had escaped his lips right after that—followed by his body collapsing to the ground. Still conscious, the blonde looked towards the raven and the brunette that were now rushing towards him in a worried manner… and he never felt so damn useless in his life till now._

' _Why… why did you have to come? Why… Why am I so… useless? Why…'_ _And before he could finish his thoughts, the world went black for him._

* * *

Mikasa's eyes widened in fright when she saw the blonde's eyelids closed shut. He was unconscious, and the fact that he was covered in bruises didn't make anything better. "Armin!" She called out fearfully before running to his side, proceeding to then check his breathing. "His breathing is fine… thank goodness." Mikasa murmured in relief. She then turned towards Eren's direction as she spoke, "Eren, lend me a hand—" Although, before the raven could've completed her sentence, she had cut off her sentence the moment she noticed the brunette's rather… infuriated expression as he stared at the blonde, or rather, _his bruises._

"Those fucking bullies… I'll make them pay…" Eren cursed under his breath as he clenched his fist. As obvious as it was, the brunette was devastated. Turning his body, the brunette was about to sprint off, and it was obvious where he planned to run off—to where the bullies were. He wanted to give them a piece of his mind, more specifically, a punch to each and every one of their faces. Maybe more than just a single punch.

However, before the brunette could run off to conduct his impulsive actions, Mikasa reached out to grab his hand tightly, holding him back. Instantly, Eren turned towards Mikasa with an agitated look as he tried to free himself from her grasp. "What do you think you're doing?! Let go—"

"Armin's injured. He's unconscious." Mikasa started off, before continuing in a rather… _fierce_ tone, "What's more important, Eren? Revenge or _this_?" There were a few moments of silence before Eren snatched his hand back, letting out a sigh. "Sorry." Eren apologised quietly. "I'll carry him to the infirmary." Eren offered as he bent down, lifting up the blonde's unconscious body. And just as Mikasa was about to offer her assistance, her eyes caught sight of small broken shards of glass on the ground, causing her eyes to widen even more in shock.

' _Did those bullies… used…?'_

Before she could've completed her thoughts, her eyes then spotted a pair of glasses— Armin's broken glasses. Her hand reached out to grab them, staring at them for a bit before she heaved out a sigh. She was relieved that at least, that those bullies didn't use any… well, sharp, life-threatening objects to hurt the blonde. The thought of them using objects like that to just… bully someone, to feel power, just disgusted Mikasa even more than she already was. Well, whether or not if they used anything else other than their fist to beat the blonde up didn't matter to Mikasa. Because in the end, it was just disgusting and painful to think about. Armin had never bothered them… and yet, here he was—with parts of his body blue-black.

"Mikasa?" Eren called out, causing the raven to look up and snap out of her gloomy thoughts. "Sorry. Let's go before it gets worse." Mikasa responded plainly, keeping the blonde's broken glasses in her pocket before the two then rushed towards where the infirmary was.

* * *

Upon arriving at the infirmary, Eren had laid Armin down on the bed where the nurses started tending to him while Mikasa and Eren took a seat by the bedside. Once they were done patching the blonde up, they left for their break, leaving the trio alone.

"Do you think he's going to wake up anytime soon?" Mikasa asked quietly, her eyes remaining fixated at the blonde.

"Of course he will. He's Armin, He's strong." Eren spoke confidently, before he looked down towards the ground, his expression then shifting to something… _grim_. "I'll make them pay for what they did. I'll give them the same bruises as they did with Armin… no matter what it takes, I will—"

"Eren." Mikasa called out in a rather… pained manner. Her hand reached out, giving a light squeeze on his shoulder. "Not… everything's about revenge, you know that?" Mikasa sighed out softly before continuing, "Don't go and do something reckless… what if you get hurt?"

"I won't get hurt, Mikasa… I know how to—"

"What if… I'm not there to help you? And then what if you end up—"

"Mikasa—"

"Sometimes you do reckless… impulsive things, and you always… _you always_ —"

"What do you expect me to do?!" Eren yelled, subconsciously slapping Mikasa's hand off his shoulder. His grim expression only worsened, he was enraged. "Do you just expect me to sit here… and do nothing?! What do you take me for?! I… I'm _not_ asking you to be there for me! Why do you have to always treat me like some helpless—" Before the brunette could've completed his sentence, he had cut his sentence off the moment he had noticed, once again, the hurt in Mikasa's eyes as she retreated her hand back.

The brunette looked away. Truth be told, he did feel a little guilty for yelling at her like that, especially more so after he noticed that hurt look in her obsidian orbs once again. And once again, that hurt was caused by him.

He was just… _tired_ of being seen as a _'weakling'_ in Mikasa's eyes, well, at least that's how he thought the raven viewed him. He assumed Mikasa saw him as a kid who couldn't handle things on his own—to be independent.

There were many times Mikasa assured him that she didn't see him as a weakling, or anything associated with it. But… even after all of those assurance, the brunette couldn't help but feel so… _useless_ , so inferior as compared to her. He was exhausted of having Mikasa save him, he never wanted her to have that burden.

Although, all in all, he did feel that maybe he went too far and overboard in this particular outburst. He didn't mean to reject her comfort that harshly.

Slowly, he looked back towards Mikasa as he scratched the back of his head in a somewhat nervous manner. "Look… Mikasa, I—"

"Not now." Mikasa had cut him off abruptly as her focus went back towards the blonde, avoiding eye contact with the brunette. "Not when Armin's around."

Even if Armin was still unconscious, she didn't want him to wake up to their arguments. She knew the blonde was probably under enough stress and pain, and waking up to see Eren yelling probably wasn't the best thing to wake up to after getting beaten up.

Eren looked at the raven for a few moments before his eyes then rested at the unconscious blonde. The two of them now waiting in the silence for the blonde to awake. And no matter how awkward the silent atmosphere was getting, the two pretended that it was nothing and remained quiet.

Mikasa could understand where Eren was getting at, or rather, why he grew so agitated so suddenly. She understood the fact she could be too over-protective of him… _'sometimes'_. She could understand that sometimes she could go overboard. But, she wondered, was what she said really considered as overboard..?

In her eyes, she did see Eren as strong… _but_ impulsive—and that's what attracts all the unnecessary trouble that always got out of hand. She recalled there was a day where she had been absent from school since she was sick, and when Eren and Armin came over to visit her, Eren had been covered in bruises. And apparently, according to Armin, the blonde had been made fun of, and Eren was having none of it… and that's where the trouble started.

She wondered if she really did go overboard with her over-protectiveness this time. All she did was... tell him that he shouldn't get sucked into trouble. And that, well, she wouldn't always be there for him, to help him. This wasn't the first time that Mikasa had told him such things… she wondered if he just got sick of hearing it, and that was why he became so agitated so suddenly. Or if he just… got sick of _her_.

What else could she say to him in these sorts of situations? It was better to lecture him than stay silent, right? She didn't know how else to… well, reason with him that his impulsive actions may result in terrible, _terrible_ consequences.

Her eyes then shifted down towards the hand that Eren slapped away. She then proceeded to fidget with her hands nervously. Had she irritated Eren to the point where if she had shown any care or concern, he would push her away? Had Eren grown sick and tired of her? Was Eren just tolerating her for the sake of Armin? Those thoughts worried her.

 _And then, there was Armin._ He had been acting differently after that whole Jean and Eren group project issue. Did he do that to save Eren the trouble, or because he didn't want to deal with her? Was he getting sick and tired of her too?

The raven closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm her thoughts— trying to convince herself that she was overthinking this entire situation. And then suddenly, a thought came to her mind.

_What if Armin hated her because she failed to protect him?_

These worrisome thoughts filled Mikasa's mind, they were overflowing, causing her hands to fidget even more. Though, before she could drown even more in her ocean of overthinking, she felt something… _warm_ , gripping onto her fidgeting hands. Her eyes opened, to see a hand. Even without looking, she recognized the warmth. Her eyes darted towards the brunette who wore a concerned look.

"Does… it hurt…?" He asked quietly. It seemed he had noticed the raven's troubled expression when she had been suffocating in her thoughts. Eren didn't like that troubled expression she would make, and the fact that he played a part in causing such a distressed expression on the raven's face killed him in the inside. He never meant to hurt Mikasa by any means.

Whenever the brunette would find himself in situations like the one he was in now, an uncontrollable anger would stir within him—it craved vengeance, in which was to give those bullies a fist to the face. And whenever something or… someone got in his way for that, he couldn't control his anger and just lash out, even if he knew the person didn't mean any harm. He hated that part of him, so, _so much._ He wished _that day_ never happened, then maybe he would be more in control with his emotions— especially his anger.

Mikasa looked at the brunette, and then back at the hand that held hers. His touch was warm, so warm. But that wasn't enough to erase the hurt she still felt, but it did make her feel a little... better. "My hand doesn't hurt…" Mikasa answered specifically, after all, it wasn't her hand that hurt.

It wasn't like Eren to openly show this sort of _'affection'_ towards anyone, even his close ones. If anything, it was a once in the blue moon sort of thing. However, the brunette couldn't help it, especially when he saw Mikasa's hands fidgeting with one another, shaking in a nervous manner. It killed him to think he caused that… if only he knew that, that wasn't the only thing that triggered _that._

His grip subconsciously tightened a little, his eyes darting away from Mikasa for a moment. "Mikasa… I didn't mean to… it's just…" As the brunette struggled to find the appropriate words to say, the bell suddenly rang, cutting him off, signalling the end of their lunch break and to head back to class.

Mikasa immediately stood up, pulling her hand away abruptly. "Where are you—" Before the brunette could complete his sentence, Mikasa had cut in as she spoke, "To tell the teacher about why we won't be heading to class… and to get Armin's stuff, just in case if he has to go home early."

"But—"

"You wouldn't want them to call your mom and say that you're ditching class… right?" Mikasa sighed out as she walked towards the door, halting at her steps for a few moments as she glanced over to the brunette. "Just… stay here and watch over Armin, okay?" She murmured softly before walking off and out the door.

Once Mikasa had left the room, Eren's hands covered his face before sliding them down, letting out a groan. "I… really messed up this time." He murmured before looking towards the unconscious blonde. "Hey, Armin… what do I do…?"

* * *

_Before the Love, there's the friendships that can hurt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a review and kudos :)   
> thanks for reading!


	4. The Anger Within Me

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan , nor its characters.**

* * *

Anger.

It is an emotion that can stir in someone's heart due to a variety of reasons such as irritation, confusion, pain, displeasure… and even sadness, in which is another in depth, yet common emotion that _anyone_ can feel.

Growing up, Eren Jaeger had become much familiarised with that emotion in particular, anger. His father even pointed out to his mother that Eren probably had more anger, frustration and such as compared to other kids his age growing up. Although the brunette did have a temper of his own, it never really showed all too often, well, at least when he was a young kid.

Growing up, kids would often argue or have small fights due to the most trivial of reasons. Eren never really thought too much about it. Any disputes that happened between him and others, were always put out before any fight could break out. Well, that was until he saw something which disgusted him to the core, and that's when things started to get messy.

Growing up, kids would mature differently depending on the influences in their life, whether it be from their parent, another person or even from the television shows where they'd watch characters displaying the idea of justice, and how it'll always be served. With all these different areas of influence, a child can grow up to be shy, grow up to be courageous or egoistical and many other things. Eren, in particular, due to an incident, had grown up with an uncontrollable anger to some particular vile things. Not to mention, he watched some movies that influenced him to have a _'foul mouth'_ —or more specifically, caused him to curse, at a young age, especially when he got angry.

Eren had been roughly eight around then. He had recently transferred to a new school when his parents had moved their house. To say the least, he wasn't too excited, or rather, he didn't care. As long as school wouldn't be a pain in the ass to attend, it didn't bother him as much. After his mother had dropped him off for school, the brunette strolled in the school, glancing around at the environment which didn't seem all too bad.

The bell rang soon after, a signal that the brunette should probably hurry up to class. The last thing he wanted was for the principal to call up his parents on the first day. Although, just as he was about to quicken his pace, he heard someone… shouting, for _help_.

Growing concerned, the brunette looked around for any grown adult to handle this case. Eren would've investigated it on his own, but he had heard enough lectures from his parents and other adults to not take matters in his own hands, considering whenever he did, he'd be close to start an actual physical fight. But that hadn't actually happened, yet. Normally, he wouldn't be compliant to such lectures. However, he already made a promise to his mother that he'd at least seek help from an authoritative figure, and he didn't wish to disappoint her on the first day of school or get an earful from her, especially when his mother was probably under enough stress with settling down and organizing the house while his father busied himself with work.

In his previous school, the teachers there were ignorant and would often turn a blind eye to any trouble between students when they were passing by. The only reason why fights barely broke out there was only thanks to the school's strict counter-measures and punishments to such enforced by the principal and discipline department of that school. It seemed like they were the only ones who cared. More specifically, cared about the school's reputation. After all, if their reputation were to plummet, so will their salary, in the long run, won't it?

Eren had a little hope that maybe this school was different. He thought that maybe, _just maybe_ , the adults here weren't terrible. Fortunate enough, he did bump into one. But the conversation between them wasn't pleasant, to say the least.

"Hey! Sir!" Eren called out before continuing, "I think there's a figh—"

"Did you not hear the bell? Hurry along to class, kid." The teacher had scoffed before walking off.

"But I think there's a fight—"

"It's none of _your_ business _nor mine_ , now hurry to class before you get yourself into detention." The teacher continued, there was bitterness lingering within his tone. And that was probably what ignited the heat that began to boil the brunette's blood.

"But aren't you a teacher?! Why—"

Before the brunette could continue, the teacher had turned his back and started to walk off, ignoring the shouts for help. The brunette despised people like _that_ , it sickened him to the core. He didn't understand why people like him didn't want to stop the fight, especially when that teacher had the authority and responsibility to. And for obvious reasons, that enraged him. It just pissed him off.

Clenching his fist, he turned his body and began to run. Not to class, not to find another adult—at this point, after that conversation, he doubted any adult would want to get their hands dirty. Adults like _that_ couldn't be trusted to handle situations like these, that's what Eren thought, and he wished he hadn't doubted his opinion on such. It just wasted time, trying to convince people like that to help. He sprinted towards the direction where the cries for help came from, to only see a group of kids around his age ganging up against another kid.

It was his first time encountering with such a scenario head on, Eren had been close to starting fights due to the other person's bad attitude that the brunette probably didn't like or due to 'major' disagreements—but before the fight could ever break out, a teacher would separate them. Not because he or she cared, but because the principal would probably fire them if they couldn't handle things. Either that or the discipline department or principal who would often patrol the hallway would interfere.

The sight before him sickened him more than the teacher's earlier attitude. The kid who was getting beaten up and being made fun of was all covered in bruises. However, just as he was about to interfere, the conversation they had caught his attention.

"Now tell me blondie, why did you tell the teacher I cheated on my exam?" The leader among the gang of bullies snarled.

"… Because that was _wrong_ … can you le—"

"Acting all righteous are we? Who do you think you a—" The bully paused in his sentence, his devious expression darkening as if he had thought of something to use against the kid or to get under his skin, and that was exactly the case. "Are you just trying to be a teacher's pet, to get attention from them? _Because your dear mama and papa can't give you that?_ I heard the teachers talking about it! Your parents d—"

"That has nothing to do with it!" The blonde screamed as his arms reached out, giving a rough shove to the leader of the gang of bullies. And to say the least, he didn't look to happy about it—about the fact that someone as weak as him, was shoving him around—that's how he saw it, in his eyes. In the leader's eyes, in his wicked point of view, he saw it as a challenge, for power. His fist raised, about to shoot a punch to the kid's face. And the kid, cowered. He froze, closed his eyes, as if he accepted this fate—this consequence.

The brunette could see the fear in his eyes, and he could see the excitement in the bullies' eyes—excited to display the _'power_ ' he had over him, and there was a hint of satisfaction in his eyes when he saw the kid 'accepting' his place. Something started to stir in him, or rather, he felt something just awakening, bursting inside of him like fireworks. And before he knew it, he started to charge towards them, and with clenched fist, he shot a punch to the gang's leader before the leader could harm the kid any longer.

And that was how the fight started, between the leader and the brunette. It seemed like the others had backed off like cowards, who retreated immediately, abandoning their 'friend', their leader. Just like the teacher before, they were similar, they didn't want to get their hands dirty, and so they decided to flee.

"Where are all of you going?! Come—" Before the leader could've completed his sentence, the brunette sent a punch to his stomach.

The rage in the brunette was just bursting, it was out of control, as if something in him snapped after witnessing such atrocity. "Do you think it's funny?! To pick on—" This time, it was the leader's turn to strike at the brunette, more specifically, his face. The brunette stumbled, losing his balance as he fell onto the ground. His nose began to bleed a little, yet he didn't back down. However, just before the brunette could've gotten back on his feet, the bully had sprinted off, for whatever reason.

"Oi! Get back h—" Before the brunette could finish his sentence, he felt someone gripping on his shoulder.

"The both of you. My office, _now_." A stern voice spoke— the principal.

And just like that, Eren and the bullied victim got sent to the principal's office—after they gotten themselves patched up in the infirmary. The both of them received a reprimand from the principal, there wasn't even a chance for either one of them to explain themselves.

Eren felt that it was unfair, especially for the blonde who didn't take part in any actual violence at all. Yet, the blonde chose to remain silent, and the brunette could tell why. It seemed the principal was one to talk, and not to listen, considering whenever the brunette would try to argue back, he was met with a glare before the reprimanding continued. And when the brunette brought up the fact that one of the teachers didn't want to help, he got a warning that if he talked back anymore, he'd be suspended.

' _That's some crap.'_ The brunette thought. But that was enough to shut him up, he figured that any sense probably couldn't be drilled into his brain, and it wasn't worth the fight.

As the principal continued blabbering on, the brunette looked towards the victim who looked down in guilt, and the brunette found himself questioning why. It wasn't as if he did anything wrong, right?

Once the whole lecture was over, they were dismissed. Eren had let out a sigh, there was no mention of him calling his parents, so that was a good thing, he didn't want to get another painful lecture from his mother, or see her disappointed expression when she'd find out he was already causing trouble in school. Although, the bandages on the brunette, and few bruises would probably speak for themselves when he'd be questioned by his parents afterwards.

Just as he was about to leave, he felt a tug on his sleeve.

"U-Um… sorry… for bothering you… i-is there something you want in r-return…?" It was the kid who got hurt that spoke, and even though the bullies were chased away, there was still a lingering amount of fear in his eyes, along with guilt.

"Huh? No. Why'd you think that? And what's with that guilty look for?" Eren asked, quite bluntly to say the least.

"It's just… you got hurt because of me and—"

"But that _wasn't_ your fault, it was those bullies… they did this, and then they scrammed off when things got messy. And their leader ran away when things got messier when the principal came. They're cowards! It's so stup—" Before the brunette could've completed his sentence, he noticed the other male flinch when he exclaimed the word 'coward' in such a disgusted tone.

His eyes softened a little suddenly, as if to reassure that he didn't refer it to him. "You aren't a coward, if you were, you wouldn't have talked back… even if you did choose to remain silent, you're still better than them… the disgusting look that they had in their eyes when they felt power by hurting others just sickens me." The brunette explained.

There were a few types of people he hated, but he didn't hate those who truly were _'powerless'_ when it came to these sorts of things. Although, he did believe all of them would grow to be courageous—like how the characters would, from the television shows he watched.

Before the blonde could've responded, Eren turned towards him as he suddenly spoke, "Don't worry about it, uh… what's your name?"

" _A-Armin…_ _Armin Arlert_." The blonde stuttered.

"Well, Armin, you don't have to worry about it. Oh, and my name's _Eren, Eren Jaeger_. I'm new around here. Do you mind helping me find my class?"

Eren couldn't remember when they actually established their friendship, but what he did recall was that he found Armin to be an interesting person, who was just unfortunately a target for the bullies. However, he had to admit, ever since they met and became friends, Armin seemed to have gotten influence by the brunette… just a little. He gained some courage—unfortunately enough, the blonde didn't or couldn't notice it.

Back in the present, as the brunette thought back about these things, he couldn't help but let out a sigh. Things didn't change as much, Armin was still being picked on. Although, it wasn't as much as compared to before. The brunette's mind then drifted off to his first encounter with Mikasa, it was when Armin who introduced her to him, thinking they'd become friends as well. Moreover, the raven had planned on transferring to their school as well, and Armin wanted to introduce her to him. And by the end of the day, they became friends, just like how he had planned.

Just as he was about to reminisce on that, a rather… muffled noise had caught his attention—it was Armin. Immediately, his emerald orbs turned and faced the blonde, to see his facial expression shifting uncomfortably, along with his body. And before he could call out his name, the blonde slowly opened his eyes.

The first thing Armin saw was the ceiling, the next thing he saw were bandages, and then turning to his left, he saw Eren. Even without asking, he already knew what happened, where he was and so on. This _wasn't_ the first time Armin had gotten into messy situations like these, and he knew, it certainly _wouldn't_ be the last.

Slowly, but carefully, the blonde attempted to sit up—and the brunette quickly went over to him to assist him in such. "Hey, hey… be careful." Eren spoke quietly, and before he could continue, the blonde had cut him off. "Eren… Mik—Where's… Mikasa?" Armin had asked as his ocean orbs broke contact with Eren's emeralds briefly as he felt pain lingering around his arms. He then proceeded to then stare at the bandages that was all over him, having a rather glum expression written all over his face. "She… left to inform the teachers of our absence and yeah…" Eren sighed out as he recalled the argument he and the raven had earlier. He decided not to bring it up, he didn't want to burden the blonde with his problems, especially when he just woken up from his unconscious state.

Although, the brunette's dismayed expression at the mention of Mikasa seemed to have given it away—that something had happened when the blonde had been unconscious, to say the least.

When the blonde looked up, he noticed Eren's expression seeming troubled. "I know that look, did something happen?" He questioned before continuing, "Did it… involve Mikasa?" He queried, seeing that when he brought up Mikasa's absence, the brunette seemed… bothered. "Don't try to hide it from me, you know that—"

"Alright, alright…" Eren murmured as he scratched the back of his head. Eren knew how sharp the blonde can be, and he figured it was better to explain now, rather than let him figure it out when Mikasa would return back, which would cause tension and awkwardness between her and Eren to rise, which most likely could've been felt by the blonde. No one would want to be caught in such an awkward situation.

"Well… you see…" The brunette started off, he expected to get an earful from Armin. After all, the blonde did care for Mikasa _very_ , very much.

* * *

Mikasa had just finished informing the teacher of what had happened. Unfortunately enough, they had already phoned Eren's mother, and she didn't seem too happy about it according to the teacher. It was only a matter of time before Eren's mother would call him… and Mikasa hoped the brunette would be able to handle the yells and lectures he may receive.

Regardless, Mikasa couldn't help but feel a little… envious towards the brunette. He… still had a parent to be there for him, his mother. As for his father, well, long story short, he seemed too busy with work sometimes to show any concern. However, Mikasa couldn't help but feel envious he had somebody waiting for him at home, unlike her, and Armin for that matter. Even so, she never really did feel all too lonely… she had Armin, who was just next door.

Although, unlike Armin, she did have one family member left. And it hurt her even more that even though she did have some family left… _one family member left_ , he barely showed his face at home after leaving for college…and ever since that tragic incident. Mikasa didn't know how to feel about that, about _him_. But one thing's for sure, _it hurt_.

Before she could dive into her thoughts any further, she heard some… chattering ahead of her. Squinting her eyes, she noticed a familiar figure. It had been Jean, and behind him, a few friends.

Under normal circumstances, Mikasa would've ignored him, and would've continued to make her way back to the infirmary. She had nothing to say to him after all, nor did she ever saw a need to hold a conversation with him. It wasn't that she resented him, it was more of the fact that having a chit-chat session with someone whom she barely knew—and is an enemy to her friend, Eren, wasn't a situation Mikasa liked to be in.

However, this wasn't the case for the moment. Mikasa did have something in mind to talk to Jean about, _alone._ "Jean?" Mikasa called out. And in almost an instant, the male looked up, and his eyes widened in shock to find out the one who had been calling him was none other than Mikasa.

"M-Mikasa?! What are you… d-do you need some—"

"Come with me for a while, I want to talk to you personally." Mikasa stated plainly before walking off elsewhere. As for Jean, his friends were giving him a few playful nudges, causing the male's cheeks to fluster up into a shade of red, similar to a tomato. "Someone's about to confess." One of them teased, and it pretty much caused Jean's hopes to be raised _much, much higher._

Unhesitatingly, Jean followed after the raven after dealing with the bunch of teases from his friends. More than anything, Jean was a nervous wreck. Several thoughts were rushing through his mind. _Where was Mikasa taking him? Did his breath smelt okay? Was this a dream— a dream come true?_

Once Mikasa led him to a somewhat secluded area, she let out a brief sigh, thinking where she should start. She noticed Jean being a rather… nervous wreck, and that his face was probably redder than it should be. However, being rather… _oblivious_ , she assumed he was afraid of talking to Mikasa—considering the raven did have a reputation of… well, putting people in their places when needed.

In all actuality, the raven had dragged Jean out, wanting to discuss about the project he had with Armin—and make sure, he wouldn't treat the blonde as his _'slave'_ to get good grades… she didn't wish to see Armin have a burnout, not again. It pained her so much to see him that way.

Although, before Mikasa could even say a word, Jean had started rambling out… things, things that didn't make the slightest of sense, to her at least. "T-Thank you! I-I'm so honoured! I—"

Mikasa had definitely been caught off guard by his sudden words that… didn't make sense. "Jean, wait. What are you talking ab—"

"I-I like you _too_ , Mikasa! S-So will you go out on a d-date with me?"

And just like that, it was enough to create the silent, ever-so silent atmosphere… along with the look of dismay, shock and confusion written all over the raven's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave Kudos and reviews/comments :)


	5. Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review!

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Before Mikasa could even say a word, Jean had started rambling out… things, things that didn't make the slightest of sense, to her at least. "T-Thank you! I-I'm so honoured! I—"_

_Mikasa had definitely been caught off guard by his sudden words that… didn't make sense. "Jean, wait. What are you talking ab—"_

_"I-I like you_ _too_ _, Mikasa! S-So will you go out on a d-date with me?"_

_And just like that, it was enough to create the silent, ever-so silent atmosphere… along with the look of dismay, shock and confusion written all over the raven's face._

* * *

So, now the atmosphere between Jean and Mikasa grew silent, then awkward. Jean just stood there, his face flustered as he awaited for Mikasa's answer. It wasn't too soon until Mikasa decided to break the silence, and well, essentially crush Jean's hopes.

"Jean… you're misunderstanding this situation… I didn't call you out here for… that." Mikasa started off calmly, in which Jean responded with a shocked expression and then an embarrassed one, after he managed to thoroughly process what she just said.

He felt like an idiot now, an imbecile even. He wanted to run away, at the same time he was frozen. He opened his mouth, as if he were to say something… but all that came out was something incoherent and inarticulate stutters.

Mikasa briefly looked away from the rather pitiful sight as she scratched the back of her head awkwardly. She had watched these sorts of things happen on both television and in real life—and she never expected to be placed in such a situation. In the first place, she hadn't expected Jean to be the one to confess to her— the first one.

She had never gotten confessed to before, that had never bothered her, really. After all, she already… had eyes for someone. And unfortunately, Mikasa was more or less unaware about her feelings to _that someone_. Oddly enough, it had been a certain blonde friend of hers who was the first to take notice, but he chose to remain silent about it, for now at least.

And because she never gotten confessed to before, she… didn't exactly know how to respond to this situation, with Jean. Especially when, she didn't really feel… anything, after he confessed. No heart flutters, butterflies in the stomach. Nothing like that. Just… awkwardness.

Taking a deep breath, she looked towards Jean, who was still struggling to form a sentence. _"Jean."_ Mikasa called out, causing Jean's lips to zip as he made direct eye contact with Mikasa nervously.

"Look I… I don't like you in that sense, I can't reciprocate those… feelings." Mikasa started off, and as Jean heard her words, he felt like an arrow had just pierced through his heart. And the raven could easily tell that he was hurt… his expression told her as such. The raven didn't want to offend him, the last thing she wanted was for him to take out his hurt on Armin, if it ever came to that worst-case sort of scenario. She wasn't entirely sure if he was the type to do that—she never really had a proper conversation with him before, till now. It wasn't exactly pleasant, to say the least.

"Jean, I—" Before Mikasa could finish her sentence, Jean had cut in.

"I-It's okay… I understand. I should've known… haha… so, um… why is it that you wanted to… talk about?" Jean queried.

It was clear to the raven that the male before her wanted to run off. She couldn't really blame him, the atmosphere around them was… painfully awkward, to say the least. Although, the raven couldn't help but… soften her eyes at Jean, in pity. She wondered how crappy it must've felt… the rejection, that was. It was probably embarrassing for him, she knew. After all, looking down the male, she noticed his hands fidgeting with one another—and that definitely signalled the awkwardness, embarrassment and even nervousness he most likely felt. _'I'll just get over with this quickly… it's evident that he is uncomfortable.'_ Mikasa thought quietly to herself.

"I… asked you out here was because of Armin… and that project." Mikasa said, rather bluntly before continuing, "First off, I... don't really know who you are, or what your personality is like. I just know you and Eren quarrel a lot about stuff…So, look, just don't make Armin your scapegoat. He… _suffered enough_. I just want you to do an equal amount of work in this project and not… quarrel or fight with him to a huge extent like… with Eren. Armin's different, he… isn't like Eren… anyway, that's what I'm asking of you, Jean."

Even without it being said, it was obvious to Jean that if he did hurt or burden Armin… there'll be consequences, from Mikasa— and the last thing he wanted was to get blacklisted by her. Even after that rejection, _he did not really… plan to give up._ But, all in all, even if Jean did seem like a… jerk sometimes, especially to Eren, he wasn't exactly a bully… he was just someone who picked one too many fights with Eren, as unfortunate and inevitable as that was.

"O-Of course! I wouldn't really... burden him." Jean responded as he pondered on what she meant by he… _'suffered enough'_. After all, what kind of idiot would pick on Armin?— well, that was unless they wanted to get a beating from Mikasa, and Eren as well. But of course, he didn't question what she meant by that, it just seemed like a… sensitive thing after all. And again, he didn't want to be blacklisted by her.

Mikasa gave a small nod, "Alright then…" She sighed out, deciding to take her leave now, to the infirmary, where Armin was.

"H-Hey! Isn't class the other way…?" Jean spoke out, causing Mikasa to halt in her steps, looking back at the male. "I'm heading to the infirmary."

"Huh? Why—"

"Like I said… he... _suffered enough_ , so don't give him trouble." Mikasa murmured out flatly, before turning her back, proceeding to walk towards the infirmary.

* * *

After Eren had finished explaining to Armin about the earlier _'argument'_ that he had with Mikasa, Eren expected to get yelled at—and that was exactly the case.

"Eren!" Armin groaned before continuing, "I can't believe all of that happened while I was… unconscious." He sighed out. "Mikasa's just… looking out for you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that… it's just, she can get irritating sometimes."

"Because you think she views you as… well, _'a kid in need of help'_?" Armin queried, to which Eren nodded in response.

"I know what you're going to say… and yes, I've talked to her about it before, so did she. But we still can't... see eye to eye…?"

"I know… and I know that even though she reassured you that she doesn't view you that way, you can't help but feel that way… right? Because of how she treats you…? I can't really blame her for that, you always get yourself into unnecessary trouble and conflicts, especially with Jean—"

"Armin, whose side are you on?" Eren groaned, to which Armin shrugged at. "My own side. And what I think is that you two need to talk. Those talks you had with her didn't last more than five minutes, Eren. Either that or the conversation immediately stops when tensions between you two reach too high."

"What's wrong with five m—"

"Things that contain a lot of emotion, takes more than five minutes to discuss, Eren. At least, that's what I think for you two… just have a _heart to heart_ conversation with h—"

Before Armin could've completed his sentence, Mikasa had entered the room. "Hey… Eren, I think they've called your mother alr—" Mikasa had cut herself off as her eyes darted upwards, and then towards Armin. Her eyes widened upon seeing that the blonde had regained his consciousness. However, as if on cue, Eren's phone rang, echoing through the room. The brunette picked it up, groaning slightly when he saw who the contact was—his mother.

"I have to take this, sorry." Eren sighed out, standing up as he decided to leave the room, not just for the sake of his privacy but also because… well, he didn't want to be in the same room as Mikasa. Not now at least, considering they hadn't resolved their predicament due to the earlier situation.

As he walked off, towards the door, his emerald orbs softened upon making eye contact with Mikasa's obsidian orbs for a brief moment. Eren wasn't one to be good with his words, but for the most part, his body's actions and movements tended to display his genuine emotions. And right now, it was guilt that he felt. His eyes quickly broke contact with Mikasa's, he didn't wish to see the hurt in her eyes again. He knew he'll eventually have to deal with it. _But… not now_.

Once the brunette left the room, Mikasa heaved out a silent sigh before making her way towards Armin. She couldn't bare the tension between her and Eren. His temporary leave gave her some air to breathe, to say the least.

"Are you feeling better?" Mikasa queried the blonde in a gentle tone. Armin gave a small nod in response, before flashing a reassuring smile. "I should be asking you that instead."

Upon hearing his words, Mikasa looked up, tilting her head slightly in confusion. She hadn't been aware that Eren had relayed information about the earlier situation to Armin. And just as the blonde was about to update her, Mikasa held up Armin's broken pair of glasses once she had taken it out from her pocket.

"Your… glasses broke… I can help you get it fixed." She offered.

"You don't have to. I have an extra or two at home, you got to be prepared for stuff like this, you know?" Armin laughed lightly, an attempt of his to create a light hearted atmosphere, but to no avail, the raven didn't find that statement humorous in the slightest. "What… happened anyway?" Mikasa asked, to which the blonde responded with a simple, "The usual… the _'weak'_ against the _'strong'_ …" Armin sighed out, closing his eyes briefly, pondering about that concept.

Would the world be forever merciless, like that? It was so unfair, he had thought. What chance do the weak have against the strong? Sure, he could use his brain to beat the brawn, but the success rate of that wasn't exactly high. At least for him.

Out of the blue, he felt something warm, something soft gripping onto his hand. It was a touch, a touch that was all too familiar. But even if he was familiarised with it, his cheeks never ceased to tinge a faint shade of pink whenever he felt her touch. Opening his eyes, he saw Mikasa's hands gripping tightly on his, a look of worry overwhelming her eyes. He wasn't sure what she was worrying about— was it because of him? But _why?_ He felt he wasn't really worth worrying about. Because, eventually, at the end of the day, life goes on anyway— and he'd eventually have to move on from the violent incident that had occurred him today, no matter how physically painful it had been.

Mikasa eyes had widened, as if she had just realised she had subconsciously grip onto the blonde's hand. She flinched slightly and then parted her lips, as if to say something—but Armin had beat her to it. "Don't worry, I won't... slap your hand away, if that's what you're worrying about." Armin stated, in a rather blunt way… although, his tone was soft, as if he were proceeding with caution. Armin knew that whenever it came to a topic about her and Eren having their… disagreements, he'd have to be careful, about what he chose to say. He didn't want to put false ideas or assumptions in her head about whatever it may be. She tended to overthink, sometimes.

Mikasa flinched slightly upon hearing Eren's name, but she let out a sigh afterwards. "He… told you?" She asked, getting a nod from him as a response. Well, there was no point in beating 'round the bush. For one reason or another, she already knew Armin was going to comfort her, and give her advice about how to resolve whatever tension her and Eren may have now. The advice had always been the same, not that she wasn't grateful, that was. It was just… a little agitating to her, at the fact that even after all these years, she and Eren would have a conflict, regarding the same thing. That was, Eren disliking her treatment of him as a kid, and Mikasa's constant display of concern for him, to the point where he'd find it aggravating, as he felt looked down upon, by her.

Mikasa and Eren had talked about it, many times. But in the end, it didn't really solve much, it just made minor improvements. But what could Mikasa do? One moment she would look away, and the next, she looked back to see Eren in the midst of something messy.

Ever since _that incident,_ back when she was a child, Mikasa found herself wanting to repay him back for his warmth. Unfortunately, she didn't know how to… so, it just ended up with her protecting him whenever she could, perhaps _'a little'_ too much. She _never_ told him that, though.

Shaking her head as if to snap herself out of her own thoughts, she continued, "Let's not talk about it now, not here. Later. It's not that important right now…" Preferably, Mikasa wouldn't really want to talk about her issues, she didn't want to trouble Armin. But she knew, he would probably make her talk to him in the end. He had a way with his words, to say the least. "I'm more worried about you. Does it hurt anywhere? Are you sure you're okay? You were… acting weird after geography class, what… was that about a—"

"I'm really okay, Mikasa." Armin reassured quickly, an attempt of his to dodge her question about his behaviour after geography class, after that whole partner-work issue. He then proceeded to squeeze her hand a little, with his. Ah, her hand felt so… _warm._ "You… look more hurt than me, no matter how much you try to hide it, I can see it in your eyes." Armin sighed out, before his oceanic orbs then glued to hers, observing them carefully. It really pained him to see her that way, hurt.

Mikasa didn't pull away when she felt Armin's grip. She always enjoyed his comfort—his presence as a whole. And his warmth, like Eren's, it was unique… different, and it was still nice. "Armin… really, that's not important right now…you—"

"Isn't Eren important to you?" Armin questioned, to which Mikasa nodded to.

"Yeah… but, so are _you,_ _Armin._ You're my friend, my best friend _. You'll always be my friend._ As a friend, I want to help you with… whatever seems to be troubling you." Mikasa spoke, in a rather soft tone.

Armin blinked his eyes briefly at hearing her words. Normally, he would've felt… happy, about such a statement, considering it did express the amount of care and concern the raven held for the blonde. And he was happy, definitely. But… he started to feel a sense of agitation, perhaps even hurt, stirring within him, odd enough.

' _You'll always be my friend.'_ Always. Surely, he should've been happy about that statement, about such a claim. So why… did he feel so _dissatisfied?_

"What's so different…?" Armin had murmured out accidentally, a question directed at himself. There was a hint of agitation laced in his tone… for whatever reason. He really wondered, what was so different between him and Eren. Sure their personalities and physical features differ but… what made him so different to Mikasa? What did Mikasa see in him?

For a period of time in his life, he had tried so badly to be like Eren, for many reasons. It was a desperate and futile attempt that didn't end well. His eyes traced downwards, glancing at the red scarf Mikasa wore around her neck, and then, that's what came to him. _The difference._ _That incident._ "…It's _so_ different." He grumbled, turning away, as a certain… _pestering_ feeling boiled within him, as if it were bound to burst anytime son.

"What's different? Armin… what's gotten into you?" Mikasa frowned, her brows furrowing. "Did the bullies say something? Armin, if something's bothering just say I—"

"You have _feelings_ for Eren, don't you? You _like_ him, don't you? Why else would you look so troubled after that _silly_ argument you had with him! I don't like seeing you hurt, so can we just fix that first—" Armin quickly covered his mouth, upon realising what he just said. It wasn't like him to have such an… _outburst_ , but perhaps maybe the bullies' words did get to him. Or perhaps in the spur of the moment, he let his bottled up emotions get the best of him, even after hiding them for many years. And unfortunately, for the most part, they were still bottled. Well, whatever the reason was, he couldn't take back his words, nor could he turn back time.

Slowly, he turned back towards Mikasa, noticing a look of surprise written all over her face. But that wasn't all. Along with the look of surprise, her cheeks tinged a light shade of pink, as if she were flustered. Armin bit his lip, he definitely regretted what he said. Because, now, things won't be able to go back to being the same, especially when the raven seemed like she had her moment of… _revelation_.

' _Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger.'_ Those were the words that echoed in Armin's mind the moment the raven had worn such a painfully, obvious expression that said everything that Armin already knew, but just didn't want to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is okay haha, Please leave a review!


	6. The Raven And The Blonde

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_"What's different? Armin… what's gotten into you?" Mikasa frowned, her brows furrowing. "Did the bullies say something? Armin, if something's bothering just say I—"_

_"You have_   _feelings_   _for Eren, don't you? You_   _like_   _him, don't you? Why else would you look so troubled after that_ _silly_   _argument you had with him! I don't like seeing you hurt, so can we just fix that first—" Armin quickly covered his mouth, upon realising what he just said. It wasn't like him to have such an…_ _outburst_ _, but perhaps maybe the bullies' words did get to him. Or perhaps in the spur of the moment, he let his bottled up emotions get the best of him, even after hiding them for many years. And unfortunately, for the most part, they were still bottled. Well, whatever the reason was, he couldn't take back his words, nor could he turn back time._

_Slowly, he turned back towards Mikasa, noticing a look of surprise written all over her face. But that wasn't all. Along with the look of surprise, her cheeks tinged a light shade of pink, as if she were flustered. Armin bit his lip, he definitely regretted what he said. Because, now, things won't be able to go back to being the same, especially when the raven seemed like she had her moment of…_ _revelation_.

' _Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger.'_   _Those were the words that echoed in Armin's mind the moment the raven had worn such a painfully, obvious expression that said everything that Armin already knew, but just didn't want to hear._

* * *

Armin couldn't pinpoint the exact point in time where he started having these sort of feelings for Mikasa,  _romantic_  ones. All he knew was that these feelings just… developed and developed, grew and grew as time went by. What he did remember, however, was the day that they met. The raven and the blonde were roughly six.

Armin's parents had received news that they were going to have a new neighbour. Not wanting to come off as rude or anything like that, they wanted to make them feel welcomed. But it wasn't just that, Armin's mother had heard that the new family moving in had a little girl, the same age as Armin, and she took it as a good opportunity for her son to make a friend. There weren't many kids around Armin's age to play with in the neighbourhood, so this seemed like a good opportunity for him to make a friend.

Upon the new family's arrival, the Arlert's went over to help them move in their stuff. Inevitably, Armin's parents dragged Armin out of the house to come along with. The blonde seemed rather… reluctant to meet a well,  _'stranger'_. For one thing, things at school were already… crap, for him.

He tried making friends, but in the end they all got bored of him, considering unlike all the kids who talked about their favourite cartoon characters—the blonde frequently chatted about the ocean, nature, the world and so on. It did capture a few attention from his classmates briefly, but it did eventually bore them. These days, you can just use a computer to look up a picture rather than seeing the real thing in person, so they didn't exactly understood his enthusiasm about exploring the world. Being the odd one out, unfortunately and inevitably, he became an outcast.

The new family, the Ackerman's seemed fairly friendly. The mother of the family approached the Arlert's with a warm smile as she started to thank them for their welcome and help, "Thank you for welcoming us."

"It's not a problem, you're welcomed to have dinner with us if you wish."

"Really? That'd be lovely… are you sure we can?"

"Of course, of course. Oh, and this is Armin, by the way, my son." Armin's mother had introduced, motioning to the kid who had been hiding behind her. Shyly, the blonde just gave a small nod, being rather wary of them. "Sorry, he's a little shy." Mrs Arlert had laughed lightly.

"It's okay, he's a cute little thing." She commented before flashing the blonde a welcoming smile, to which he looked away in response. "I have a daughter around his age, I'm sure they'd be get along…  _Mikasa!_  Come over here!"

With that, the little raven rushed over to her mother obediently, she had been helping to move things inside the house—the light things that a six year old like her would be able to carry, of course. Similarly to Armin, Mikasa stood by closely to her mother, being cautious about the Arlert's as well. They were strangers, after all. They were new people to her, the same went with Armin.

"It seems like he isn't the only shy one." Mikasa's mother commented with a small smile. "Yeah, perhaps we can change that." The blonde's mother said, a slight smirk creeping onto her lips, and it seemed the raven's mother shared a similar look.

"Armin. Go and show Mikasa around our house while we help them settle in, make her feel welcomed." Armin's mother instructed. The blonde's immediate response was a shake of his head. He didn't want to, he was too anxious to. He didn't even know what to say to her. However, after his mother gave him a stern yet fierce look, the blonde was quick to comply, reluctantly. He had seen his mother angry before, when he had done any form of mischief before, to which, was rare. She had been scary. And he wanted to avoid such a thing.

"Go on, Mikasa. Have fun with Armin. We'll be fine here. Get along, okay?" Her mother cooed softly to the raven, and she easily complied. Mikasa didn't really have a problem with it anyway, plus she wasn't one to be disobedient. She knew her mother was already exhausted from packing all their stuff, so, she didn't want to cause any trouble for her by refusing the Arlert's house tour invitation.

With that, they went over to the Arlert's, which was simple, considering their house was just next door. On another note, the silence that filled itself with awkwardness was starting to bother Armin. He didn't like situations like these, it was just uncomfortable. All the blonde said during this 'tour' whenever they reached a new room was just… the name of the rooms, like living room, bedroom, kitchen and so on.

Mikasa didn't really say much either, she just gave nods for the most part. What was there to elaborate about the rooms anyway? It wasn't as if Armin was a sale's agent. Mikasa looked around the house as Armin tried to find more stuff to… well, say or address. Something caught her eye however, there was a room that Armin didn't seem to have toured to.

"What's in that room?" Mikasa asked quietly. Upon hearing her voice suddenly, Armin flinched a little, and then turned around, realizing that she was referring to  _that_ room.  _His room._

Armin had specifically tried to avoid touring inside his room. For one thing, unlike many kids whose room was probably filled with action figures, toys and so on, Armin's room was filled with…  _books_ , for the most part. At a young age, Armin had developed a love for books. It all started when his mother started to read him bedtime stories, and when she ran out of them, she bought a few books to read to him.

Soon after, Armin didn't need her to read it out to him, he wanted to do that much by himself. Just like that, his interests for reading had piqued, and quickly after, he found himself reading books that often contained images or paragraphs describing the world. It didn't matter if it was fantasy or not, it was just interesting to him. Armin's parents then decided to give him a book that had been passed down from generation to generation. Originally, they didn't think a kid his age would be interested. But seeing his love for many sorts of books, especially the ones that were about the world, they decided to let him give it a read.

That book, in summary, was about the world. And that only sparked his interest even more. Sure, even though these days it was easy to see the world by practically looking it up on the internet for its images, Armin had always preferably wanted to see the real thing with his eyes. The ocean, in particular, interested him a lot. So, his parents took him to the beach—definitely, it was fun.

However, Armin couldn't exactly go there often, his parents' job involved a lot of travelling, so they were really unable to spend much time together, leaving Armin with his grandfather who didn't exactly like travelling far distances. At most, he brought Armin to the park. Armin often found himself lonely, but thankfully his parents had taken more time off for him. But still, he didn't like they had to travel a lot. Surely, they had their own reasons. Although, whenever they came back from travelling, they'd show him pictures of the places that they went to overseas for work. That was the only good thing that came out from them travelling without him.

Armin didn't really want Mikasa to label him as someone boring, and then start to make fun of him. Considering, that's what happened in school. Sure, there were some kids who liked reading books…but they weren't the type of books Armin liked and would indulge himself in completely. And whenever Armin would try to talk to them, he would end up talking about the beautiful things about the world, the forest, the ocean. And just like the rest, it was interesting for a while, but after a bit it got boring. It wasn't as if the  _'outside world'_  was unknown to any of them anyway. Because of that, people would whisper about him, but it wasn't anything so severe. They were all only six. At most, the nasty, ill-mannered ones would just label him as 'boring' or 'weird'.

But still, it bothered Armin, how he was different. Plus, he had kept his distance from most of his classmates, some were nice to him, sure. But he couldn't be bothered to try to make friends again, he didn't like that feeling…  _the feeling of rejection._

"It' just… my room. It's messy, so we don't have to—"

"It's okay." She had assured. "We can… go inside and play with your toys or any game boards… since there's nothing else we can do." Mikasa had suggested. For the most part, Mikasa did feel pity for him, she could tell he was a little anxious. And he seemed like he didn't really know what to do after he toured her around his house. The raven also didn't want him to give another tour, and another until her parents came to pick her up—which didn't seem to be anytime soon, given the amount of things ne

Mikasa wasn't against in making friends anyway, specifically being friends with Armin. But, she also wasn't against the fact if they were not able to become friends. Whatever happens… just happens _._

Armin hesitated at first, however he eventually decided to… let her visit his room. He didn't want his mother to get angry with him or anything like that if she found out he was being a bad 'host' to her, plus, he did have some board games in his room… actually, just one, snakes and ladders. That's about it. At first, he did seem bothered about what if Mikasa would find him 'boring' and 'different', even 'odd' if she saw his room… just covered with books rather than toys, like any 'normal' kid.  _But_  there was that small child-like part of him, that wanted to play, wanted to have a friend. Although, there was also the gloomy part of him, which whispered to him ever so softly yet maliciously, that like the others, she would just get bored and leave.

"I… guess we can go into my room." Armin murmured hesitantly. Mikasa gave a small nod, along with an assuring smile, as if she were attempting to make him feel more… soothed, comfortable. Armin appreciated her effort, but he still felt nervous nonetheless. She then walked over to his door, twisting the knob to open it.

Armin then felt a jolt of regret shooting within him, the moment she did that. Instinctively, he spoke, "Actually, never mind—" But it had been too late, Mikasa had opened his door, and had already taken a step inside as her eyes took its time to tour itself around his room. Definitely, she was surprised, by the amount of books she saw in his small room.

His room was small in size, Mikasa didn't mind that nor was her focus on that factor. Rather, she was more focused on the fact that his room had shelves and shelves of books. Picture books, children's books and so on.

Armin quickly followed in after, scratching the back of his head, starting to stutter inarticulate things. He didn't know what to say. Mikasa, however, was the first to speak. "I didn't know you like to read." This was her first comment about his room, and she didn't seem bothered or bored by that fact. But in Armin's mind, he thought otherwise.

"I-I do… I read a lot of things…" Armin stuttered. "W-We can play a board g—" He had been cut off, when the raven suddenly bent down after seeing something hidden under his bed. Curious, she had dragged it out—it was the book that had been passed down generation by generation in his family, the book that contained detailed and remarkable drawings and descriptions about the world.

"What's this?" Mikasa queried, intrigued. This book wasn't anything she's seen before. She read books and went to bookstores every now and then, but this book was different, it was old, it had a vintage sort of feeling along with it. Just by a glance, Mikasa already knew this wasn't your every-day book that one would easily purchase at a bookstore.

Immediately, Armin snatched the book out of her hands, being rather protective of it. Mikasa flinched, caught off guard. It didn't seem like the blonde had been aware of his actions until he saw Mikasa's reaction to it. "S-Sorry…! I just… really like this book..."

"It's okay… I'm sorry for taking it without permission." Mikasa apologised, not really thinking too much about how protective he had been over a book. Everyone had their own different things that they'd treasure, whether it be full of meaning or something trivial. "…What's that book about? I've never seen such a book before…" Mikasa asked, curious.

Armin hesitated in answering her. What if she found it boring? What if she were to make fun of him for being so protective over a book about… things you could just look up online? But… the way she looked so  _curious_  about it, he couldn't help but share the contents of the book.

"… This book was given to me by my parents… who got it from their parents, and they got it from their parents and so on…" He started off shyly before continuing, "It's a book about the world." He summarized, however Mikasa gave a little puzzled look, unsure what he fully meant by that. Armin then quickly flipped to one of its pages where the book described snow, a drawing of a forest covered in snow was next to that paragraph.

" _It's pretty."_  Mikasa murmured, in reference to the drawing. She had seen snow before, but to see it drawn in such a detailed and realistic manner on the brown page was definitely something else. It had caught her eye. She squinted her eyes, trying to read the paragraph. There were some  _big_  words that she had trouble reading, as well as some descriptions she found hard to understand—all of these words, Armin had already looked up, analysed and memorized its definition. Call him a nerd or bookworm for that, he couldn't help it. He had nothing else to do when his parents would be away anyway, or during his spare time both in school and at home.

He noticed Mikasa's troubled looking sort of expression when her eyes scanned itself through the paragraph of words. "I can… read it to you." He offered, a small yet timid smile forming on his lips. Mikasa's first comment about how she thought the image was  _'pretty'_  had probably sparked some hope in him, and seeing that she seemed interested in the text next to it, it ignited even more hope—  _hope_  that perhaps, he could finally have a friend. Again, he was getting his hopes up, and he was too blinded by such to think that anything bad would happen.

After Mikasa had taken up his offer, Armin started to read to her about… well, the world. He even added his own descriptions, and he didn't hesitate to elaborate and elaborate on many things, nor was he bothered when Mikasa would ask him to explain a certain paragraph or word. Mikasa truly found the book intriguing, but what she found  _more_  intriguing was… Armin. He didn't seem like the shy boy she had met earlier, he was practically  _glimmering and sparkling_  while he elaborated on and on. Upon realizing that, Mikasa had let out a small chuckle to which Armin was confused by, then worried.

"D-Did I say something weird…?" He asked nervously. Mikasa shook her head, but before she could say anything else, Armin continued, "Do you find it… boring? Or interesting…?"

"It' definitely interesting. But I've seen the ocean, the snow and the forest before. So it's nothing really new." Mikasa remarked bluntly, causing Armin to flinch. He was reminded of how things would start. They would first say it's interesting, but overtime they'd get bored by it because… well, they've seen them before, either that or they've seen them online. He had gotten his hopes too high again… of having a friend. He should've been more careful, he thought to himself. A small frown then crept to his lips as his  _'sparkling'_  expression disappeared. Mikasa noticed.

"I really didn't find anything you said weird! Honest! It was very interesting!" Mikasa swore before she continued, "It's just… I found it interesting because you're an interesting person, Armin" Mikasa smiled. At first, Armin was confused by what she meant, and then she continued with an explanation. "I mean… you glimmered  _and_ sparkled the whole time when you talked about these things, the ocean especially." She giggled.

" _S-Sparkle?_ " Armin stuttered, shy and embarrassed as his cheeks fluttered a light shade of pink. "Yes! Sparkle! Your eyes sparkle like the stars you were talking about!" The raven exclaimed playfully.

"And your eyes…" She continued, moving closer to the blonde, staring deeply into his eyes in such a focused manner. Armin could feel his heart thumping quickly, mostly out of nervousness… he didn't know what to do or what  _she_  was doing. "They're like the ocean… is that why you like the ocean so much?" Mikasa queried before taking a step back, letting the blonde have some air to breathe. Armin was truly caught off guard, he still didn't know what to do or say, or even react. It took him a while to form an answer, or rather a question in regards about his oceanic orbs.

"R-Really…?"

"Yes, really. I mean, you said the ocean was beautiful, along with its colour. Just like your eyes." Mikasa laughed lightly causing the blonde to feel even more embarrassed and even flustered.

It had been the first time, that someone had said something like that to him—that he was interesting, that his eyes… were beautiful. That he was  _'sparkling'_. It really… made him feel happy on the inside. "Y-Your eyes are pretty too!" Armin remarked, an attempt to return the favour of compliments. "T-They're like the night sky!" He squeaked.

Mikasa had been caught off guard by his words, she hadn't expected him to find her eyes pretty or to even compare them to the night sky, to which she had also found to be beautiful. A light shade of pink overcame her cheeks as well, flustered by his sweet words. "Thank you." Mikasa's smile widened as she said this, no one had called her eyes  _'pretty'_  before, so, this was a first.

Armin couldn't help but return the smile that she gave him, he didn't know why but seeing her smile made him smile. It just had been a long time, since he felt this warmth… the warmth that shooed away his loneliness. He only hoped it wouldn't be temporarily—that much wasn't too much to ask for, right?

And it wasn't temporary in the slightest. That was the beginning of their friendship, or so Armin recalled. Mikasa never found him boring, she  _never_  left him. And their bond just grew more and more. Armin could remember the time they'd spend together, it was truly fun. He became less nervous, at least around her. He had something to look forward to whenever he'd return home from a dreadful day of school. Eventually, Mikasa did transfer to his school, both of them were definitely elated by that news. He introduced her to Eren as well, and after a while they got along. The trio's friendship just grew even more as time went by.

Armin had always thought things would stay that way, all three of them best friends. But soon enough, after some time went by along with particular events that occurred, he noticed that the way Mikasa would look at Eren sometimes was… different the way she'd look at him. After a while, he understood why.

_Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger._  He had told himself. And then, he started to notice his own feelings.

All of these observations, Armin kept quiet about it. He didn't want anything to change. Although, overtime, keeping things bottled didn't do him any good. Considering now, in the spur of the moment, Armin had revealed one of his observations that had bothered him for quite a while, that  _Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger_. Not to mention, out of all people, he revealed that to Mikasa.  _Mikasa Ackerman._  The Mikasa who was in love with Eren Jaeger. He already knew this was going to be the start of a  _'change'_  he had wanted to avoid for a long time. Keeping things bottled truly sucked, because in the end, if you're not careful, the bottle cap may just fall out unknowing, exposing things _… feelings._

Armin never had the guts to tell Mikasa anything about his feelings for her for obvious enough reasons. He didn't want things to get weird or awkward between them. Although there was a side of him that thought that even if he did confess, and Mikasa rejected him, she'd still remain friends with him—she wasn't that cruel of a person to avoid him because of that… right? However, there was no way to confirm that assumption without it actually happening. Not to mention, even if they still retained their friendship if  _tha_ t rejection were to happen, things would be different. That much, Armin was sure of. Well, either way, it wasn't as if he exposed his own feelings. It was actually the other way around, but still, it was just as bad.

Mikasa just stared at him, at a loss for words. Her reddened cheeks however, already gave Armin an answer that he didn't plan to ask for—that he didn't want to know. "I-I…" Mikasa stuttered, she felt her heart racing after it had skipped a beat after Armin's words that gave Mikasa her own moment of self-realization and self-revelation. She could feel her cheeks warm up, she was sure enough they were red. The idea of her and Eren together was truly flustering, it made her feel all sorts of butterflies fluttering about in her stomach.

' _You have_   _feelings_   _for Eren, don't you? You_   _like_   _him, don't you?'_

Armin's words echoed in her brain continuously, and each time it did, she got redder whilst she tried to find a response to give to Armin. Yet, nothing came to her mind.

Jean's confession suddenly passed through her mind. She didn't feel anything like how she was feeling right now. Then, the idea of Eren confessing to her instead decided to cross her mind, and hell, the flutters she was feeling doubled, if not, more. Much more.

Mikasa opened her mouth, as if she finally had something to say, but before she could, the school bell rang. She almost forgot. School ended an hour early that day, due to whatever conference most of the teachers needed to attend.

"Let's… go home." Armin muttered out suddenly, getting out of the bed slowly. Instantly, Mikasa snapped out of her thoughts as she went over to help him get up.

"A-Are you sure? Do you want to rest more before w-we leave?" Mikasa asked. Just hearing her stutter, Armin already knew that what he said was still on her mind.

' _Why did I have to say that?'_  Armin thought silently to himself, and unknowingly an agitated sort of look overwhelmed his face. He wished he had been more careful, about these emotions, his emotions that should've been bottled more tightly. But no matter the amount of regret, turning back time to undo what he said was impossible. Biting his lip, he looked downwards onto the ground—only to look up when Mikasa called out for him.

" _Armin…?"_

Her voice was soft, sweet and gentle. The expression she wore was soft, yet full of concern, at the same time there was still the obvious traces of red that lingered on her cheeks. It bothered him, but he didn't say anything.

Instead he chose to smile, then chuckle.

"You'd feel more comfortable talking about your feelings for Eren at your house or mine, right? So let's go home already."

_I don't want to know what you feel for him. I already know. It hurts._

"W-What? I—"

"Come on, Mikasa. Don't you want to talk about it?"

_It hurts. I don't really want to hear it. I already know._

"I m-mean…I do… b-but—"

"I can help you." Armin had smirked, giving her a playful nudge. Mikasa had blushed again.

_I don't really want to hear it. I don't exactly want to help. But…_

"You… will?" Mikasa asked, in a rather bashful way.

"Of course, I'm your…  _friend_ after all." Armin had smiled. He hoped she didn't see past his smile, his words, and his actions. Because they weren't exactly a hundred percent genuine.

At hearing that, Mikasa smiled. Armin knew it was a genuine smile. He liked seeing her smile. It was beautiful. At the thought of beautiful, he subconsciously looked into her eyes. Till now, it still reminded him of the night sky. Except, it was sparkling now, like the stars, as Mikasa would call it. His own oceanic orbs softened at such a beautiful yet… agonizing sight.

She was in love, but not with him, with someone else—with Eren Jaeger.

_But… I want you to be happy. I want to see you happy. Even if it's not with me._

As Armin thought this, he recalled what Sasha had said to him a while back.

'It must be hard, for you to be  _their wing-man_.' She had once said. He  _never_  liked that role. He resented it, really. Although, he'll continue to play that role, the role of a 'wing-man', if in the end, Mikasa was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please Leave A Review! <3


	7. The Raven And The Brunette

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_"I can help you." Armin had smirked, giving her a playful nudge. Mikasa had blushed again._

_I don't really want to hear it. I don't exactly want to help. But…_

_"You… will?" Mikasa asked, in a rather bashful way._

_"Of course, I'm your…_   _friend_ _after all." Armin had smiled. He hoped she didn't see past his smile, his words, and his actions. Because they weren't exactly a hundred percent genuine._

_At hearing that, Mikasa smiled. Armin knew it was a genuine smile. He liked seeing her smile. It was beautiful. At the thought of beautiful, he subconsciously looked into her eyes. Till now, it still reminded him of the night sky. Except, it was sparkling now, like the stars, as Mikasa would call it. His own oceanic orbs softened at such a beautiful yet… agonizing sight._

_She was in love, but not with him, with someone else—with Eren Jaeger._

_But… I want you to be happy. I want to see you happy. Even if it's not with me._

_As Armin thought this, he recalled what Sasha had said to him a while back._

_'It must be hard, for you to be_ _their wing-man_.' _She had once said. He_ _never_ _liked that role. He resented it, really. Although, he'll continue to play that role, the role of a 'wing-man', if in the end, Mikasa was happy._

* * *

Earlier on when Eren had picked up the call from his mother, he didn't expect anything less than what he received—his mother practically reprimanding him through the phone. The brunette chose not to cut her off mid-sentence to explain the situation, considering if he had cut her off mid-sentence now, it'd just result in more and more lectures.

Hearing his mother lecture him wasn't anything new, it wasn't like he was a goody-two-shoes. Although despite the fact that it wasn't anything new, he still found his mother a little scary whenever she'd yell at him. Once his mother had finally calmed down, and asked about what happened, Eren began to explain the situation, regarding Armin's bullying.

"You could've gotten help from a teacher!" His mother had retorted, Eren couldn't bother to resist the urge to roll his eyes, it's not like shed be able to see anyway. "The teachers don't do anything Mo—"

"Enough! We'll continue this conversation when I pick you up!" Before Eren could respond, she had hung up the phone. "Ugh…" Eren groaned before shoving his phone back into his pocket. He didn't want to hear anymore lectures for the day, especially by his mother, who didn't exactly understand how the school works, or how it worked in  _his_  mind.

Although he had to admit that some teachers here were nice, they wouldn't extend a helping hand to Armin's bullying issue. Even if they did, it'd probably be  _temporarily_ —at least that's what Eren thought. He had tried reaching out to a few, but it all had ended the same—a  _failure_. Eren wasn't sure if it was because they found it too much of a hassle to deal with delinquents, or if it was because the bullies' parents had close connections to the school. Either way, he didn't really trust the teachers here to help. He never did. They never gave him a reason to trust.

Heaving out a heavy sigh, Eren figured there was no point on pondering about thoughts like that, it wouldn't change anything anyway. With that, he began to walk back towards the infirmary, only to halt in his steps as he remembered something, or more specifically,  _someone._

_Mikasa was still in that infirmary._

He was pretty reluctant to enter back into the room for that specific reason. For the most part, the tension between them would probably bother Armin, who had only just regained consciousness. He didn't want that, he didn't want to make either one of them uncomfortable, especially on this particular exhaustive day. Glancing at the clock that hung on the wall to check the time, he didn't really see a point in heading back to class either.

' _Armin's with Mikasa… he'll be fine.'_  Eren had thought, he could trust Mikasa with Armin. Even after the little disagreement they had, he could still trust her. She wasn't the type to do anything bad, plus, she had been friends with Armin longer than he had anyway. After a few more seconds of debating, he came to the conclusion of ditching class and wait on top of the school's rooftop for school to end.

Up there, on the rooftop, was his favourite spot to rest. Unfortunately, recently, the teachers would often monitor the rooftop for any lingering students, to which they'd catch and send them to detention. Thankfully, they only did that during lunchbreak, so now was his chance. Unhesitatingly, he made his way upstairs.

Upon reaching the school's rooftop, he sat up against the fence that ensured security of having no one falling off. A gust of wind blew by, Eren savoured the calming breeze before tilting his head up, glancing up at the vast and endless sky. It was a nice cooling day to relax, especially since the blazing sun had hid itself behind the gloomy, ominous clouds that were gathering by, bit by bit.

It was going to rain soon, Eren thought. Well, not like it was his problem, he had a ride home. Armin and Mikasa then popped into his mind, he wondered if they had an umbrella to shelter themselves from the oncoming rainfall. He wasn't sure about Armin, but he knew Mikasa would bring one. She was  _always_  prepared after all.

Now, Mikasa was fogging up his mind. Not in a positive way, though. This wasn't the first disagreement they ever had, but that didn't mean it made anything easier or better. "Why is  _she_  always like this…?" Eren grumbled to himself. His eyes then went straight down to his hand, which he had used to slap her hand away in his fit of rage when she attempted to calm him down. "Why am  _I_  like this…?" He groaned.

_"Not… everything's about revenge, you know that?" Mikasa had said, earlier._

Eren knew that—that everything wasn't about revenge, although his actions did tend to contradict that. And those actions were what caused this mess he was in. To a certain extent, he understood why Mikasa was protective of him. But still, he wished she wasn't like that. He found it even more so unfair that Mikasa wasn't all over Armin… although to be fair, he had to admit, he found himself getting caught in trouble more than Armin. But he was too stubborn to admit that.

He still remembered the day he met Armin, after he had saved him from the predicament he got himself tangled in with the bully. Unfortunately enough, that wasn't the last time they had to deal with such a pain, with the bullies.

" _You know, if you don't fight back, you're just going to keep losing in the fights with them."_  Eren had once told him. They were around nine. They weren't exactly friends yet, but they weren't exactly enemies either.

" _I'm not losing… I'm not running away from them."_  Armin had responded calmly. To say the least, Eren hadn't anticipated or expected the blonde to say those words.

After having heard his response, Eren couldn't help but grow curious about the blonde. He wasn't like the rest, he had thought. And when they grew closer overtime after having hanging around each other, Armin started to open up about his love for the world, its nature. Even then, Eren never really got bored of him nor his stories and words. There was just  _something_  about him. He wasn't the type to ditch or abandon someone anyway, especially his friends. Not to mention, Eren had begun to see the world and its gifts differently after Armin's countless descriptions and stories.

Soon enough, he found himself enjoying Armin's stories, his presence as well. Eren didn't hesitate to share his interests with Armin as well, which were games and some television shows or movies filled with action and such. Armin found himself liking those things as well, not as much as his books though. Even so, Eren was okay with that.

Perhaps that's when they finally established their friendship, who knows? Then, his mind drifted off to Mikasa again… closing his eyes, his mind inevitably drifted off to a memory of their first meeting.

* * *

Armin had invited Eren over to his house, to meet and perhaps become friends with Mikasa, who was going to finally transfer to their school soon enough. They were still around nine.

"Why do you want me to be friends with her?" Eren had asked.

"Because she's going to transfer to our school soon… and she's my friend as well… and I want all three of us to get along!" Armin reasoned, to which Eren sighed and responded, "I'm  _not_  opposed to being her friend…but we'll just have to see what she's like…"

"Mikasa's nice, I promise! Ah! There she is!" Armin pointed to the raven-haired girl, who had finally arrived at his house.

As Mikasa entered his front yard, she eyed Eren briefly, before looking towards Armin who seemed all enthusiastic about them finally meeting. She noticed his eyes glimmering once again, she couldn't help but let a smile creep itself to her lips at that sight.

Armin had phoned her earlier to come over— saying that he wanted to introduce her to his first actual friend in school. When she had asked the blonde how they became friends over the phone, he didn't hesitate to give an answer.

"He…  _Eren_ helped me out from those bullies…  _but_  that wasn't just it. He… didn't get bored of me when I told him about those things from that book! You know, about the ocean and stuff… and I don't know… he's just fun to hang around… he never left me or betrayed me, so…  _that's nice_." Armin had answered, there was a certain tinge of happiness in his chirpy tone that Mikasa couldn't ignore— that she couldn't help but smile. She liked it whenever he sounded like this, happy.

It wasn't as if Mikasa was opposed to meeting his new friend, Eren. If anything, she was more than thrilled to have learnt that Armin made a friend at school. Before, Armin would return home from school, wearing a worn-out, lonely expression which would fade away whenever he came over to Mikasa's, or when she would come over to his house, to have some play-time with one another—it had been Mikasa's company that made his glum expression disappear. Although recently, Mikasa noticed how that depressing expression of his whenever he'd come back from school began to shift, into something more cheerful. That's when he started to talk to her about Eren. Piecing up the puzzle, she figured it was all Eren's doing— _his_  company had made the little blonde happier, and probably even his school life easier.

"He seems like a nice person. I hope we get along then." Mikasa had responded towards the end of their call. So, that's how she ended up at his place, meeting Eren.

What Mikasa expected was that after their introduction, Armin would have some activities or games planned out… but that wasn't exactly the case. After introductions, they sat out at his backyard, having some small-talk. And then, after a few minutes, Armin said he needed the washroom and left. Five minutes passed by, followed by another five and then another. Armin didn't come back, and the atmosphere between her and Eren was starting to grow more and more tensed, mostly awkward.

Mikasa and Eren couldn't tell if Armin had devised this plan which involved having both of them alone to talk and socialise, or if he was just having a bad day of constipation. Well, either way, he didn't seem like he was returning anytime soon.

"So… Mikasa, was it?" Eren was the first to break the silence, the atmosphere had been bothering him.

"Yes… Eren, right?" Mikasa responded, turning towards the brunette, flashing a small smile out of politeness.

"Yeah… erm… what do you do during your free time?" Eren asked. He figured chatting with her wouldn't hurt. It wasn't as if he was opposed to becoming friends with her, she didn't seem like a bad person. Especially with that  _smile_  of hers, Eren didn't sense any bad intentions or anything like that coming from her.

"I sew." Mikasa answered, and before Eren could say anything else, Mikasa rummaged through the small pink in colour sling bag she had brought. She took out a small stuffed-toy doll that she had sewn together. "My mother taught me." Mikasa added, before passing the little doll towards Eren who seemed rather dazzled by her work as he fiddled around with it. Eren couldn't even put the thread in the hole of the needle, so this much definitely was impressive for the brunette.

"You sewed this all by yourself?"

"Mhm! Armin and I play with dolls from time to time. We spend most of our time in his backyard or at the nearby park playing or strolling around." Mikasa commented, before her hands reached down, plucking the little blossoming flowers from the ground, fiddling with them. Eren glanced at her, unsure of what she was doing with the flowers, but it seemed like she was crafting something. He didn't ask about it, though, not now at least.

"Oh… I see." Eren replied, he didn't know what else to say after. He wasn't going to try to force either one of them to continue the conversation. He wasn't going to force a friendship. Sometimes things work, sometimes things don't. His eyes went back to the little doll Mikasa had lent to him, he still couldn't believe a nine year old managed to sew this all by herself.

"Thank you, by the way." Mikasa said, out of the blue. Her tone sounded soft, softer than all her previous little statements earlier. But that wasn't what caught Eren's attention, it wasn't what made him confused.

"' _Thank you'…?_  Why are you thanking m—"

" _For being friends with Armin_. I'm sure… you've heard about the  _rumours_  about him." Mikasa had cut him off, as she plucked yet another flower, fiddling around with it.

" _Rumours? What rumo—"_ Eren cut himself off, as he realised what she meant by that.

_Ah, that's right._

Eren didn't particularly bothered himself with the rumours that people would spread… they were just rumours, lies created for the sake of gossip, either that or it was truths that twisted itself into lies. But ever since he hung around Armin, he unavoidably started to notice that  _Armin_ had been the current topic of these rumours.

One day, he found himself accidentally eavesdropping on that particular rumour. The thing was, it wasn't the students who he overheard it from— it was the teachers. It made him sick to the stomach at the thought of that. Adults who were supposed to be mature, were instead spreading gossip about a kid?  _It was ridiculously ironic._  He found it stupid, that teachers would gossip about things like this. Just before he could walk away from the situation, he heardArmin's name, followed by a set of bothersome words. Eren flinched.

"That boy?  _Armin?_  Yeah, his parents died because of  _him_. That's what I heard."

"Eh? He killed them?"

"I don't know the exact details but…"

He felt anger boil within him as the voices began to lower into whispers. What right did these teachers have to meddle with Armin's affairs? Was that why everyone looked at Armin weirdly? Hell, what nine year old like Armin would kill his parents?

Clenching his fist, he felt the urge to intervene in the teacher's gossip session, but before he could even debate whether or not if he should act on that urge, he heard a familiar voice.

" _Eren?_  What are you doing here?"

 _It was Armin._  Without saying a word, Eren ran over, grabbed his hand, and sprinted off. He didn't want Armin to hear those things. He never exactly experienced loss of a loved one before, but he knew it was painful, to hear such stupid, childish accusations. "E-Eren, where are we going?" Armin stuttered as Eren continued to drag him.

"Somewhere peaceful, away from this crap." Eren muttered under his breath. And only one place came to mind, the school's rooftop that restricted student's entrance. Well, restricted or not, that wasn't going to stop him either way. And that's how the rooftop became one of his favourite spots. It was all peace and quiet, away from  _them, those type of people._

Eren didn't ask Armin anything of his parents ever since, he wasn't going to force the topic. He'll tell whenever he wanted to, whenever he felt comfortable to.

"I shouldn't be the one telling you what really happened to Armin's parents. That's Armin's story to tell." Mikasa continued, bringing Eren's attention back to Mikasa. "But with everything happening in his life, those rumours and everything… he would always come home, looking sad and sadder every day. Armin never had many friends to begin with, he told me people found him boring, things like that… I was  _so_  worried for him." Mikasa could've gone on and on, but she decided to stop there, and get back to her main point before she'd become all gloomy at the memories of the blonde who used to be all sorrowful.

"Then one day he told me someone saved him from those bullies. Soon after, he told me that,  _that_  someone became his friend. I was happy, but also  _scared_ —scared if that person was going to leave him all alone… but that didn't happen. Armin started to come home looking less sad, looking happier. I was so happy, so relieved… so thank you,  _Eren_. Thank you for keeping him company." Mikasa smiled a little. She recalled that whenever she'd see Armin coming home with not only that depressing expression, but also bruises from the bullies, she felt  _so_  troubled, shaken. She tried to get her parents to help Armin, which they did. They contacted the school and everything, but nothing much changed.

She couldn't do much either, and she hated herself for that. All she could do was wait for her to be transferred to his school so she could help out, somehow, but even so she wasn't sure if she could. Even she, was afraid of violence that those bullies would demonstrate with Armin.  _At least, the nine year old Mikasa was afraid of violence at that time. In the present, not so much._  Even so, she would push aside that fear if it meant making Armin happier. But then, Eren came along into his life. It changed Armin's life positively. Her eyes proceeded to take a glimpse at Eren, only to be met with a speechless brunette.

"…That sort of thing, you shouldn't thank me for it. I became friends with him because  _I_ wanted to, it was out of  _my_  own will… that's all there is." Eren stated, scratching the back of his head a little before he glanced at the raven, whose hands were still busying itself with the flowers she plucked, it seemed like she was assembling something together that was… circular in shape. Unable to contain his curiosity, he asked, "What have you been doing, anyway? With those flowers… you know, they'll die if you pluck them out like that…" Eren stated rather bluntly, to which Mikasa got embarrassed about it.

"I-I know that! I was just making a flower crown…" She said defensively.

"'Flower _crown'…?_  What's tha—" Before Eren could've finished his sentence, Mikasa had finished making the flower crown, and plopped it on top of Eren's head playfully. "That's a flower crown!" She giggled a little. Eren didn't understand why the raven grew all playful out of the blue, but perhaps it was her own way of easing the tension between them earlier after Armin had left. But he wasn't focused on that fact for the moment, he was busy being caught off guard by her sudden action.

The flower crown she had put together contained three different coloured flowers, purple, yellow and white, all perfectly braided with one another. For one reason or another, she found them very fitting for the brunette, but he had thought otherwise.

"H-Hey! Don't just suddenly do that!" Eren stuttered before quickly taking it off, but he did stare at the flower crown for a bit in curiosity, it looked difficult to make—not something he expected the raven to have crafted it within less than ten minutes. Truth be told, he was yet again impressed by Mikasa's crafting skills, but he chose not to say anything of it.

"It's a gift." Mikasa smiled gleefully as she stood up, "From me  _to_  you… I hope we can get along, Eren." She then proceeded to stick her hand out, offering a helping hand to the brunette to get up. Eren stared at her, then her smile. There was  _nothing_  deceitful about it.  _There was nothing deceitful about her._  She wasn't like those bullies… that much, he gathered from their conversation. His eyes then traced down to her hand, staring at it… for a long while. Mikasa got a little worried that perhaps accepting her help was too soon for him. She had heard from Armin he was a stubborn one after all. But before she could retract her hand back and apologise, he finally reached out to grab it, pulling himself up to his feet as he flashed a small  _welcoming_  smile. "I hope we get along too, Mikasa."

* * *

Before Eren's mind could drift off any further, the school bell rang, echoing around the school, bringing Eren back to reality, the present.

"Why am I remembering  _that_  now?" Eren groaned quietly, before getting up and on to his feet. Eren couldn't clearly recall what happened afterwards, except for the fact that after they had stood up, they went to search for Armin, to only find out that he was in the toilet, constipated.

After that day, they hung out as a trio more often. As for how he and Mikasa truly established their friendship… he couldn't remember how.  _It just… happened._  It didn't matter now anyway. He just knew that overtime, he had also found himself enjoying her company, her presence. Thinking back, Mikasa wasn't as protective as she was now. Eren couldn't blame her completely, especially after  _that_  incident. Regardless, he still found it… agitating, her over-protectiveness, that is.

Armin was right when he said matters like this can't be resolved within a few minutes, it didn't work before after all. And now here he was, caught in a predicament.

Whenever they'd make up and apologise to one another, Eren had a feeling she wanted to say more, explain herself more. The same went with him, but if he had to say more, he'd have to bring  _that_  incident up. He wasn't sure if he wanted to, because at the slightest mention of it, there would be that familiar looking pain that he would witness lingering within Mikasa's eyes. It was an unspeakable pain. A pain that Eren didn't want to remind her of.

 _But, maybe… he had to bring it up, now._  If not, their disagreements wouldn't come to an end. He wanted them to end. He didn't want Mikasa to worry about him anymore, not just for his own sake but for her sake as well. She should care for herself more, that's what Eren had thought. Mikasa had a terrible habit of putting others before herself and Eren hated that habit. But as for Mikasa, herself, he  _didn't_  hate her. He  _couldn't_  bring himself to. Even after their little disagreement, he couldn't help but care for her. He couldn't help but feel a little guilt as well, having rejected her comfort like  _that._

' _I'll talk to her about it later… I hope she isn't mad…'_  Eren thought silently to himself. But even he knew, she couldn't be mad at him for these sort of things. Even if she did, she could never stay mad at him for too long, the same went with Armin. It would probably sound weird to others, but he wished Mikasa would just… get mad at him—get  _actually_  angry at him.  _Then maybe, he would just understand her more. Different emotions displayed by people revealed different things about them, after all._

Heaving out a heavy sigh, Eren proceeded to walk back downstairs, to where he'd meet his mother—to where he'd receive an earful from her.

Upon seeing his mother's car, he walked towards it, entering it. Just as expected, he got lectures and lectures. He was too tired to explain himself, and he didn't want his mother to meddle with his issues anyway. He wanted to solve them on his own, and not burden her with them—with whatever trouble he had. Well, that and he was stubborn.

"Honestly, Eren! Just tell a teacher next time! You ought to stop being so stubborn!" His mother had groaned as she started the car, driving them back home. "Yeah, yeah…" Eren sighed out. It didn't seem like his mother was satisfied with his response, but before she could express her thoughts on it, the sound of raindrops pelting down on the car's windscreen shifted her attention away from Eren. The brunette sighed silently in relief when her nags came to an end, for now at least.

Before either of them knew it, it began to rain heavily. Carla, his mother, clicked her tongue in annoyance. "What terrible weather… I was planning to hang the clothes out to dry today…" She had sighed. Eren didn't seem focused on her, his emerald orbs stared out the window, watching the rain pour, the wind roaring, causing the trees to shake violently. His mind immediately went to Armin and Mikasa, and their safety in this heavy downpour. He took out his phone instinctively, dialling Armin's phone number. But before he could give him a ring, his mother interrupted him.

"This rain is almost as heavy as that day… huh? …Is  _she_  doing better these days?" Carla had spoken out, her tone was sad, despondent… but most of all, there was pity that lingered within her words. That pity wasn't for her or Eren, but  _Mikasa._

Eren didn't need a hint to know what his mother was talking about. How could he forget that day? How could he forget the day where Mikasa broke completely?

It wasn't something Eren liked to remember, but it wasn't something he could easily forget either, it was even more so for Mikasa.

_It was February 10_ _th_ _. That day had been Mikasa's birthday, it was also the day her parents died as well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review! I would love to hear your thoughts.


	8. Birthday Surprise

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

"This rain is almost as heavy as that day… huh? …Is  _she_  doing better these days?" Carla had spoken out, her tone was sad, despondent… but most of all, there was pity that lingered within her words. That pity wasn't for her or Eren, but  _Mikasa._

Eren didn't need a hint to know what his mother was talking about. How could he forget that day? How could he forget the day where Mikasa broke completely?

It wasn't something Eren liked to remember, but it wasn't something he could easily forget either, it was even more so for Mikasa.

_It was February 10th. That day had been Mikasa's birthday, it was also the day her parents died as well._

* * *

Mikasa was going to turn ten on that day. She had long been excited to celebrate her special day with her loved ones—why wouldn't she be?

She had always enjoyed the company amongst her  _close_  family and friends, so for all of them to come and celebrate her birthday together was truly joyous—and it was the only wish and present she could ever ask for. This year, Mikasa's age was going to turn from a single to a double digit. No one really made that big of a deal about it, except for her Mother. She went practically crazy about it, decorating the entire house with vibrant, colourful streamers, along with balloons that she and her husband blew before scattering them everywhere around the area in the living room and it didn't end there. Her mother decided to take the time to bake Mikasa her own birthday cake instead of purchasing one from down the street. Mikasa didn't mind, if anything, she was excited—her mother's cooking was to die for. Her mother even wanted to get custom-made candles that'd spell out Mikasa's age.

Perhaps some would think her mother was over-exaggerating, and perhaps some would think that she was much more enthusiastic as compared to the birthday girl, but she couldn't help it. It was her only daughter's birthday after all.  _Tenth birthday_ to be specific— _double digits._ Somewhere along the way, Mikasa's father had as well gotten in the mood and went overboard with the decorations and goodies. Mikasa couldn't help but laugh as her parents went nuts over simple and trivial things like decorations, she could sense the same excitement from them when they had celebrated her older brother's tenth birthday. As for him, he only watched them while shaking his head. Mikasa already knew what he was thinking— that  _this_  was going to be a pain to clean-up. He even complained about the mess on his birthday party even though, ironically, he had still enjoyed himself on that day. Even so, she could sense some form of excitement from her older brother despite his  _'I'm so done with everything'_ expression.

Mikasa glanced over to the clock that hung itself on the wall. She couldn't wait for it to hit seven in the evening—that's the time when all her friends and family would finally gather here, together. Because, unfortunately, her older brother had to go for piano lessons around four in the afternoon, and her parents had to take him to those lessons, and then fetch them back after they finish settling some  _'adult problems'_ , at least that's what they told Mikasa.

At first, Mikasa was disappointed when she heard of this news—she'd have thought her beloved brother would cancel his piano lessons, so as to spend time with her on her special day, but that wasn't the case. The same reasoning went with her parent's  _'adult problems'_. She didn't understand why neither of them could cancel their other plans to celebrate her birthday, and when she asked, she didn't receive a proper reply nor explanation, to which both frustrated and saddened her.

In the meantime, her friends, Eren and Armin coming over around that time to keep her company. Eren's mother who happened to be acquainted with Mikasa's parents not too long ago was coming over as well to keep an eye on them.

Well, before the clock would hit four, her parents decided to take her and her brother out to spend some family time together before her brother's piano lessons once they had finished decorating the house— or  _'messing'_  the house, as her older brother would call it.

Around four in the afternoon, Eren, his parents and Armin had arrived. The Ackermans had as well returned from their short family outing, and now her parents were waiting out in the car for her older brother to finish gathering his necessary materials for his piano class. Before Armin or Eren could even greet Mikasa or wish her a happy birthday once they had entered her home, the raven rushed past them to hug her brother from the behind who was just about to leave.

" _Do you have to go?"_  Mikasa asked quietly, there was a tinge of sadness and disappointment in her tone. Sure, they were going to be away for only a few hours…  _but still_. Perhaps it sounded selfish, but she wanted  _everybody_  to be together, with her, today—her special day.

Her brother flinched at his younger's sister sudden embrace, and then he heaved out a heavy sigh. It wasn't as if he wanted to leave his dearest sister alone on this special day,  _but_  he had his own reasons.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Besides, you have those  _brats_  to keep you company." Her brother had assured, before pulling Mikasa away as he turned towards his little sister who only stared up at him, still disappointed—but a little frustrated when he had referred to her friends as brats.

"They  _aren't_  brats! Mom already told you not to pick up that language from Uncle Kenny!" Mikasa pouted. But after that, her eyes slowly darted towards the ground, her tone grew solemn as she queried, "… Is this piano lesson really  _that_  important,  _Levi?_ " Her obsidian orbs then looked up at her beloved older brother, reflecting nothing but the crystal-clear fact that she was upset by both her brother's and parent's leave. "… _More than…_   _today?_ " She continued nervously.

Levi, her older brother, couldn't help but soften his eyes as he watched his sister's expression turn into something woebegone. He didn't like that face, not at all.  _"It's not. How can piano be more important than my little sister?"_ He sighed softly before reaching out to ruffle her hair. This action that displayed his brotherly affection towards his sister had been a weak spot of Mikasa's for as long as she could remember. Mikasa had always enjoyed his warmth, a warmth that was unique on its own—just like Armin's and Eren's, and even her parent's.

_Growing up, she had noticed people's warmth to be different, and special in its own way, and she always treasured the uniqueness of each one._

After hearing his heart-felt words, Mikasa continued, "Then why—"

"You'll find out. It's a surprise for your birthday. That's all I'm going to tell you." Levi commented with a sigh. The sudden mention of this  _'surprise'_  had intrigued Mikasa, but it wasn't really enough to bring up her spirits. "…fine." She relented, still having an unhappy expression on—although it wasn't as bad as earlier.

"Come on don't give me that look… I'll come back as fast as I can, with Mom and Dad." Levi had assured, as he continued,  _"I'll see you later Mikasa, I promise."_

"I'll see you later too… that surprise better be good…" She pouted just a little. Truth be told, as much as Mikasa was interested, and even excited about the surprise, she didn't care for it that much— all she wanted was for them to come back home as quickly as they could.  _All she wanted was her brother's company, her parent's company— their company, their presence._

With that, the two Ackerman siblings parted their ways as Levi went off for his piano lessons.

Once Levi and her parents left, Mikasa turned towards Armin and Eren, opening her mouth as if to say something, but before she could, Eren had cut her off. "I still don't get why he calls us  _brats_." Eren huffed, "but the way he says it sounded cool…" Eren murmured to which Mikasa couldn't help but roll her eyes at.

Ever since she and Eren had become friends, he would often come over to her house to hang around. And after the brunette found out about her older brother… he just somehow ended up  _'idolizing'_  him.

Mikasa had once asked him for his reasoning of labelling Levi as  _'cool'_  before, and he had responded with answers like,  _'he's just cool!'_  or  _'he's just so strong!_ ' Even so, Mikasa's opinion of her older brother just being a  _grumps_  remained the same.

Eren definitely tended to be suspicious of most people, but oddly not with Levi. Well, for the most part, she recalled that there was once Levi was tasked to look after the three of them, Mikasa, Armin and Eren, on their trip to the park. One thing happened after the other and he ended up putting a group of neighbourhood bullies in their place after he noticed them giving the trio a hard time. Perhaps it was because of that  _'heroic act'_ , as what Eren would call it, started the brunette's admiration for him.

"He just picked it up from our Uncle. He calls me brat sometimes too." Mikasa explained, sighing.

"Oh yeah, you have an Uncle?" Armin asked.

"Yeah, but he's not coming. Mom says he is always busy." Mikasa shrugged. She had never really got close to Kenny, something about his aura just scared the ten year old to keep her distance from him. However, as for her thirteen year old brother, that wasn't the case. Levi never had any trouble standing up to him or standing him up for that matter. On another note, Mikasa had never forged a bond with her Uncle, he barely visited anyway, so whether he came or not wouldn't bother her too much anyway.

"Never mind that. Let's go play outside." Mikasa beamed as she grabbed the two boy's hands, pulling and dragging them off and out to her backyard to have some childish, playful fun.

* * *

Even if her parents and brother were gone from her birthday party for a while, Mikasa didn't enjoy herself any less with Armin's and Eren's company.  _Besides, they were going to come home soon, weren't they?_

They played and played—hell, even just chatting about nonsensical stuff was enough to keep all three entertained. However, as a few hours went by, Mikasa soon became distracted.

It was seven in the evening and  _they_  should've been back by now. Her eyes would take a worrisome glimpse of the clock every now and then to check the time, and as time ticked by, it only caused her concern to grow. As each tick went by, Mikasa could feel the worry in her quaking, and soon enough her eyes glued itself at the clock.

It didn't take long for Armin and Eren to notice the change in Mikasa's expression—of how it went from something enthusiastic to something distressing. Not to mention, her staring at the clock was an obvious giveaway for anyone to tell that the raven was troubled.

" _Mikasa?"_  The two boys called out, but Mikasa didn't respond, it seemed as if her mind had floated off elsewhere. Well, wherever it went it probably wasn't any place pleasant.

" _Mikasa!"_  The two boys called out once more, shaking the girl a little who then tensed her shoulders before she snapped herself back to reality. It didn't take long for her to find out why both Eren and Armin wore such concerned yet confused look that directed itself at her.

"A-Ah… sorry, let's… continue playing." Mikasa forced a smile, to reassure them. She didn't want to nor had she planned to be the party pooper on her own birthday. It didn't take Armin nor Eren too long to figure that smile of hers was fabricated, and it was safe to say that neither one of them liked it.

"Mikasa… if somethings on your mind, you can tell u—" Before Eren could've completed his sentence, Carla had intervened in their conversation. It seemed she had grown suspicious of the time as well. "Mikasa, I'll call your parents okay? I'm sure they were caught in traffic." She had reassured softly before glancing out the window. "…It's starting to rain here after all…" Carla murmured before she took out her phone, dialling her parents' phone number. "Go have fun for now, okay?" Carla smiled before leaving the room, letting the kids be with themselves.

Eren then turned to Mikasa. "Let's sit around the table and talk first, they'll be back soon and we can cut the cake then… come on." Eren commented, tugging at her sleeve before dragging her, just a little, to the table. Mikasa only nodded in response, letting herself be dragged by Eren as Armin followed after them.

They sat next to one another at the table, Mikasa in the middle. They started to chit-chat, but as more time passed by, Mikasa found herself withdrawing from the conversation. It didn't take long for her eyes to glue itself to the clock once again. It didn't take long for eyes to grow sullen as well. Eren and Armin took immediate notice of this.

"Mikasa…" Armin called out quietly, concerned. When Mikasa didn't respond to the blonde's call, Eren gave her a small nudge—which had been enough to snap her out of her thoughts once again. However, unlike earlier where she gave a verbal response, she only gave the two a nod of acknowledgement as a response, and chose to remain silent before she stared down at the ground. She no longer chose to stare at the clock, it almost seemed like she had given up hope. Armin and Eren exchanged worried glances, before their attention went back to Mikasa.

"D-Don't worry! I'm sure Eren's mom was right! They're probably just caught in traffic! They'll be here in no time! R-Right, Eren?" Armin exclaimed, in hopes of her cheering up. And he hoped Eren would back him up in his attempt of brightening Mikasa's spirits. Eren didn't hesitate to take part in this attempt. "Yeah! Come on, Mikasa! They're going to come back soo—" Before Eren could finish his sentence, he noticed a pained sort of look in her eyes which caused him to falter briefly. They had been friends for almost a year… and he had  _never_ seen her look like…  _that_. He then started to notice Mikasa's fidgety hands, her hunched back, the lack of eye contact made with either one of them as she stared down onto the ground.

His eyes softened, before he subconsciously gripped her shoulder in assurance, causing the raven to jolt up, then look up at him, finally. "…You don't have to worry, Mikasa. We're here…  _I'm here._ " Eren mumbled softly, gently. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on in her mind, but it was clear to him that Mikasa was hesitant in expressing her worries and thoughts.

" _I'm here for you as well."_  Armin had cut in, his tone had been gentle and soft as well. He reached out, gripping her hand ever-so tightly, flashing her a comforting smile.

"Talk to us, Mikasa. There's something on your mind that's troubling you, right? Just say it, and we'll help you." Eren said. Mikasa flinched slightly.  _'So he had noticed…?'_  She had thought.

After Eren's mention of the unspoken troubles that supposedly weighed on Mikasa's shoulder, it was only then did Armin notice Mikasa's acts that displayed her anxiousness. However, by then, her fidgeting came to an abrupt halt. Her posture straightened itself. She glanced at both Armin and Eren, then at the clock. She then closed her eyes briefly, before opening them after taking a deep breath. She truly appreciated their words of comfort which were full of gentleness, softness… warmth. The both of them had managed to soothe her nerves, at least just a little.

Something warm then began to spread inside her.  _This feeling… she liked this feeling._  The feeling of  _closure_ —that feeling never ceased to set her heart at ease. However, before a smile could even crack on her lips after receiving such closure and comfort, Eren's mother had barged into the room… and with that anxious look she had on, it didn't mean anything good. And that smile that had been about to form on Mikasa's lips, was quick to dissipate itself, forming a frown instead. The worry that she had thought been shooed away, was now accumulating itself back within her. Mikasa's expression said it all.

"Eren! Mikasa! Armin! Get your things and get in the car!" She had exclaimed without any context, as she proceeded to gather her things as well. "Wait—what's going on, Mom?" Eren queried with a frown. He had wondered, what could've gotten his mother  _this_  worked up— _this_ panicked?

Carla bit her lips upon hearing that question. After the phone call she had received earlier, she had been bargaining with herself whether or not to inform the children,  _Mikasa especially_ , of the dreadful news. Eventually, she decided to.  _The drive to the hospital wasn't far, it was best to prepare Mikasa for the worst… right?_

Taking a deep breath, Carla turned towards Mikasa, flashing a rather sympathetic look. That look of Carla's sent a shiver down Mikasa's spine, but before she could react to it anymore, Carla had parted her lips as she said, "… Mikasa… I'm sorry, but your parents and brother… got into a car accident… and they're in the hospital now."

Mikasa's hands didn't fidget with one another anymore as those words echoed around in her brain which was still processing what Carla had just informed.  _They were trembling in fear now._  Her eyes no longer avoided any contact with anyone in the room.  _They just stared. They just stared at the clock, then at nothing. They just stared blankly. And then, they cried tears._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Leave A Review, I'd love to hear your thoughts ^^.


	9. Gone Too Soon

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_"Eren! Mikasa! Armin! Get your things and get in the car!" She had exclaimed without any context, as she proceeded to gather her things as well. "Wait—what's going on, Mom?" Eren queried with a frown. He had wondered, what could've gotten his mother_   _this_   _worked up—_ _this_ _panicked?_

 _Carla bit her lips upon hearing that question. After the phone call she had received earlier, she had been bargaining with herself whether or not to inform the children,_   _Mikasa especially_ _, of the dreadful news. Eventually, she decided to._ _The drive to the hospital wasn't far, it was best to prepare Mikasa for the worst… right?_

_Taking a deep breath, Carla turned towards Mikasa, flashing a rather sympathetic look. That look of Carla's sent a shiver down Mikasa's spine, but before she could react to it anymore, Carla had parted her lips as she said, "… Mikasa… I'm sorry, but your parents and brother… got into a car accident… and they're in the hospital now."_

_Mikasa's hands didn't fidget with one another anymore as those words echoed around in her brain which was still processing what Carla had just informed._   _They were trembling in fear now._   _Her eyes no longer avoided any contact with anyone in the room._ _They just stared. They just stared at the clock, then at nothing. They just stared blankly. And then, they cried tears._

* * *

Earlier on, Mikasa's parents had went to pick up Levi from his piano class after they had collected Mikasa's gift from a popular stuff-toy shop downtown. It was a huge, cuddly and adorable looking teddy-bear that was to be placed in Mikasa's room for her to do whatever with it. Mikasa had always been fond of stuff toys, dolls and animals since birth—so they figured a present like this would simply elate their beloved daughter.

Once Levi got into the car at the backseat, he forced himself to ignore the giant teddy bear that sat right next to him. To be frank, it aggravated him—that a non-living thing to which was a stuff-toy in the form of a bear was  _taller_  than him.

"You didn't tell Mikasa the reason why you went to piano lessons, right?" His mother had queried, Levi shook his head in response before speaking, "No… it's meant to be a surprise after all."

"She seemed pretty disappointed when her big brother had to leave, that surprise ought to be good." His father said, his eyes focusing closely on the road ahead of him, to which was slowly being flooded thanks to the sudden rainfall.

"You two had to leave too, to get this bear that'll dust up in a week. Wait, make that within a day. Its oversized size will attract several specs of dust." Levi scoffed.

"Whatever, whatever. It's just a small detail." His father had sighed, before taking notice of how the rain gradually became a little… overwhelming. But he had shrugged it off as nothing serious, or important to be wary about. He could still make out the road.

"I agree… but I think Mikasa will like your gift more." His mother grinned teasingly, "You did put in a lot of effort and preparation for this, didn't you?"

Levi gave a brief nod, ignoring the teasing grin his mother had shot him. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing him embarrassed, he'd never hear the end of it. His eyes looked out the window as he started to recap the day that had triggered his mind to craft this surprise for his dear sister.

* * *

Not too long ago, Mikasa found herself engrossed with a video of a pianist pouring her heart out on the piano, playing a rather, what she regarded as a calming and soothing tune. Levi had recognized the melody in a heartbeat, and rather than what Mikasa described as a calmness of what she felt, he felt something more solemn, sombre and even gloomy.

It was a piece known as  _'Love's Sorrow (Liebesleid), Rachmaninoff's Arr'_ , played as a piano solo.

Mikasa, like Levi, had taken up piano as well. She would often attempt on playing the piece, but to no avail, it'd only result as a failure. Levi couldn't blame her, given the fact she wasn't exactly in a high enough grade to know how to play it, plus, she had barely touched the piano ever since… an unfortunate incident that had occurred to a dear friend of hers.

Levi, however, did find her failed attempts and her reactions after her failed attempts to be a little humorous. Whenever Mikasa caught him stifling a chuckle, she couldn't help but shoot a glare, but that didn't scare him. If anything, the last thing her glare did was to evoke any sense of fear within him. He knew and could tell that she wasn't genuinely angry at him after all—so what was there to be afraid of?

Back then, Levi had thought that Mikasa would one day indulge herself deeply into the world of music just like how Levi did when he was a kid, but ever since her blonde friend's parent's death, her focus had been shifted to elsewhere,  _to someone else_. She barely ever touched the piano, unless her lessons called for it.

Well, it didn't bother Levi. It was her life, her choices. And it wasn't as if that, that was a bad choice. That blonde friend of hers, was in a dark place during that period of time after all, and it seemed only a certain someone had the ability to drag him out of it—at least that's what Levi assumed based on his judgement.

 _"Stop laughing at me!"_  Mikasa had exclaimed, before pouting childishly. Levi had failed to hold back a mocking chuckle, to say the least.

"I didn't laugh at you, I laughed at the piano and its  _'out-of-place'_   _and messy_  tunes that it produced." Levi remarked in a witty way, to which made Mikasa pout even more. "Well, then can you play it?" She spoke, as if it was a challenge. But even so, he noticed there was a small gleam in her eyes, as if she hoped he'd know how to play—that she  _wanted_ him to play.

"I just want to hear it in real life, it feels different as compared to watching and listening to it online…" Mikasa had sighed. Levi related to that statement, there was something different to music being played on a technological device, and music being played right in front of you. He remembered when she went to watch a piano recital along with him for the first time. It was safe to say, she was captivated—much more as compared to the music-related videos she'd watch online.

" _Maybe._  But I'd need time to at least or run it over a few times before I can clean and  _perfect_  it."

"But you can almost play anything…! I have the sheet music printed, so can you at least try—"

"I also have a piano exam coming up soon on another piece, I don't want to confuse the both of them—" Levi had cut himself off upon noticing the disappointment slowly displaying itself quite obviously on Mikasa's face. "… Okay, I will play it soon for you. Alright? Just not now, but soon." Levi relented, letting out a sigh that followed after.

He didn't understand why he was such a  _softie_ for his sister, but when he saw the smile that shooed away the disappointment, he remembered why. Although, he knew if any of his classmates saw him acting all soft like this—they'd probably go get their eyes checked to make sure what they were seeing wasn't an illusion of some sort. In the public's eye he wasn't regarded as a person that was open or sociable. Instead, he was commonly seen as rude—but in a shitty humorous way. Only a few people came to accept that part of him— and they were the few friends that remained in his heart now.

Well, not that he cared about  _those people's_  opinions of him anyway. Levi wasn't  _that_  much of a cold person… at least, not now. He could be cold, only to some people… and that  _'some people'_  seemed to be increasing day by day. His mother had assumed that it was because of Kenny's influence. Perhaps it was, but Levi refused to acknowledge it. On a similar note, the last thing his younger sister ever thought of her beloved older brother was cold… at least, the younger version of her  _used to_  think that way.

"Why do you like this song so much anyway? I thought kids like you listen to all those crappy overly enthusiastic songs they play on that kid's channel." Levi mocked. Mikasa didn't hesitate to shoot a disapproving look the moment he said  _'crappy'_ , but it was quick to dissipate itself away… she was already far too used to his choice of…  _those_ peculiar words—it didn't mean she liked or approved of it though.

"I know it sounds sad and not  _'enthusaistic'_. But I… find it soothing? I don't know it's… like a  _bittersweet_ feeling. Is it… weird I like this song?"

Levi shook his head instantly in response. "It's not weird at all… and since when could you use big words like 'bittersweet'? Is it because of that blonde mushroom headed friend of yours? " Levi laughed dryly.

"He has a name, and it's Armin! and I'm not a baby anymore, I know big words… that isn't even a big word!" Mikasa huffed childishly, to which Levi responded by patting her head—treating her like a kid. Mikasa didn't seem against it, ironically.

"Yeah, yeah. You're growing up too fast… Your tenth birthday is coming soon, and I already have a surprise in mind."

" _Really?_  What is it?"

Levi couldn't help but smirk. "It's a secret for a nine year old."

* * *

Before Levi could ponder on those thoughts any longer, a loud clap of thunder had interrupted him. The rain poured even heavier. His eyes averted it gaze from the window, proceeding to take a peek at the road in front. The road ahead and, well, everything was all…  _blurry._

He couldn't exactly make out the road ahead of him, and it seemed like his father was now struggling with the same issue. For some reason, it made him feel uneasy. But he chose to ignore it as he proceed to stare downwards, to his music file that he held tightly in his arms. He only hoped to return home on time, for Mikasa and for the surprise to be delivered.  _He made a promise with her after all_ — that he would come back as quickly as he could.

Just as he was about to close his eyes, to ponder about other things, there was... a light, that flashed brightly ahead. It wasn't lightning, considering the light never left after it flashed… it just grew brighter. Squinting his eyes, he noticed a car… speeding towards them.

Levi blinked, and even wiped his eyes a few times to ensure that he wasn't mistaking the terrifying sight ahead of him. His heart began to palpitate in fright, he could feel his throat physically getting tighter. Instinctively, his eyes turned towards his parents who were already alerted of the situation, and were in their own state of panic.

He watched his father stirring the wheel anxiously, unsure of what to do as fear overwhelmed him. He watched his mother froze in fright, looking as unsure like his father. However, after a few moments, she snapped out of her frightful state as she turned towards his father and started to yell at him to turn and avoid the oncoming car. Unfortunately for her, he was hesitant—what if they turned, and crashed into a tree? There would be no point then. It almost seemed like tragedy was inevitable.

He watched his mother from the rear-view mirror part her trembling lips, bracing her voice to scream a warning for Levi to take cover, to protect himself.

But to no avail, death had already started to choke the words out of her.

Levi's father started to steer the car desperately away from the terror that laid ahead. Alas, it had been too late. The two cars collided with one another, and if that wasn't enough, the impact sent their car crashing the second time into a tree.

The windows shattered, the car doors hung themselves out loosely, before one of them eventually snapped and fell flat onto the concrete road. The scent of blood was quick to diffuse itself into the air. That was the last thing Levi smelled before he fell into abyss.

_It seemed that Mikasa's birthday present from Levi would have to be postponed for another day, another year._

* * *

The blurry yet glaring light on the ceiling was the first thing Levi awoke from the darkness to see. Then, he heard faint sobbing noises which only increased in volume the more he gain consciousness. A second after, he recognized the voice. Weakly, he turned towards the direction where the sobs echoed from, to only see his little sister sitting on a chair near him, balling her eyes out while Eren and Armin were struggling to comfort her, along with Carla by her side.

They had arrived at the hospital not too long ago. Once the car doors were unlocked, Mikasa had dashed out and into the hospital before Carla could even shelter her from the pouring rain. She had sprinted in, desperately looking around for her family, even going as far to approach random strangers for help—who only responded to Mikasa with either weirded-out or pitiful looks. Fortunately, one way or another, they managed to stop the raven from running about while Carla went to inquire about the Ackermans—and that's how they ended up in Levi's hospital room, and the moment the raven's eyes laid on her unconscious, bandaged, wounded and bruised brother, she started to weep even more than before.

"M…Mi… Mik—" Before Mikasa's name could even leave his lips fully, just hearing his voice had already captured her attention.

 _"L-Levi!"_  She ran over by his side, hugging him. Levi winced—he was still wounded, sensitive to any physical contact. But he didn't say anything, he accepted her embrace. He felt her hands trembling, he felt her damp hair, which was due to her sprinting towards the hospital's entrance in the rain. Carla had insisted she dry herself, in fear she might catch a cold since she was partially drenched, but she had been too stubborn to listen—she worried that that would waste time, she had been too impatient, she wanted to see her family as soon as possible.  _Could anyone blame her for her impatience for that?_

It took Levi a few moments to realize where he was, and the accident that occurred earlier. But before he could say anything, a doctor had burst in the room.

"Mrs Carla Jaeger! Mrs and Mr Acke—" Just as he was about to announce the long awaited news of Mikasa's and Levi's parents current state of health, Carla held her index finger up to her lips, shushing him. It was uncertain whether the news be good or bad, but she didn't want the kids to hear, especially Mikasa and Levi for that matter.

But it had been too late, Mikasa had heard him, and now her attention was drawn to him. Her expression scrunched up, something indicating the pain and fright she currently felt.

"W…Where are my parents?" She bit her lip as she said this, in fear of another outburst—but for such a thing to happen, it depended on the news of her beloved mother and father.

She got silence as an answer, which was followed by the doctor nervously glancing at Carla, as if he had reached a dead-end, searching for an escape route.

 _"Where are my parents?!"_  This time, Mikasa yelled. She was feeling one too many emotions at once. Frustration had just joined in, she wanted an answer badly, and her patience was running thin.

Yet again, she had received silence as a response. She balled her hands into a fist, but before anything, Carla rushed to her side, giving a tight assuring grip onto her shoulder. "Mikasa, listen. They're fine… how about you talk to your brother and I'll talk with the doctor outside, okay?"

Gritting her teeth, Mikasa shifted away from Carla's touch. For the first time, she shot Carla a cold look that made her flinch.

Mikasa simply wasn't buying it. She had just turned ten, at that age, most adults would regard ten-year olds as naïve, innocent and perhaps even clueless. Even so, she wasn't so oblivious as to not know what was going on or the secrets that the adults hid.

She glimpsed at the people in the room. Armin's expression had shifted to a terrified and anxious one—for he, had never heard Mikasa yell like that, nor had he ever witness he this distressed. Eren on the other hand, looked worried, for he, as well, never heard nor seen Mikasa in the vexed state she was now. As for Levi, he looked exhausted… but  _guilty_ — Mikasa felt even more pain when she saw that.

_Why did he look so guilty?_

Then, she observed Carla's and the doctor's expression. She felt something unsettling in her stomach as she came to a realisation of the fact that, the news he originally were to deliver was bad,  _very bad_. If it had been good, why wouldn't he announce it now?  _Why was he hesitating?_

"I want to know where they are!  _I am their daughter!_  I want to know… if… they are okay…" Mikasa had muttered the last bit, and it came off as a shock to her when her tone hinted at uncertainty. She didn't understand why her voice had dropped its volume—nor why she had hesitated towards the end. Was she afraid to know the truth? Or was it because her brain started to come up with all the worst-case scenarios that her parents were in?

_But… they were alive, right?_

The doctor and Carla exchanged troubled looks.

" _She deserves to know."_  Eren suddenly spoke out, as he proceeded to stand in front of Mikasa. Eren reached out to grip Mikasa's hand, and when he did, he held it ever-so tightly. He didn't face Mikasa, he just stared at the adults. "She's their daughter. So, why hide?"

Mikasa looked down at Eren's hand that held hers, even they were trembling a bit. She couldn't tell if it was because of the tensed atmosphere that grew suffocating by the minute or if it was because he was afraid of the high risk of receiving a reprimand from his mother afterwards—the second option seemed unlikely. Little did she know, it was neither of those options.

In reality, Eren had feared the truth as well, he feared the bad news that would affect Mikasa drastically in the most negative way possible. And he feared it, because ever since they received the news of the car crash, he had noticed that Mikasa started to break. She was so fragile now, and Eren knew, he could tell that much just by a glance in her teary eyes.

Oh, but what Eren truly feared, was that he wouldn't be able to fix Mikasa once she shattered completely, he feared that nobody could.

Eren hadn't felt this much fear in a long time. It was amazing, how fast friendship could be built, and the extent that it can affect a person's emotions.

The brunette had never seen Mikasa this vulnerable, this close to breaking. It troubled him, so much. He had seen her cry once or twice before, but never had he seen her cry out a flood.

Eren opened his mouth, but before anymore words could leave his lips, the door suddenly slammed opened, hitting the doctor's back, causing him to fall, his things scattering. "Is this the room of— ah! Doctor! I'm sorry!" The nurse had apologised, realizing that she should have probably knocked first. And hell, she definitely should have.

As the nurse helped the doctor up, Mikasa stared at the few papers scattered on the ground, particularly the one that fell onto her feet. Then… she saw  _it_.

_She saw the answer she didn't want, but needed to know._

Her eyes widened the moment caught sight of the following eleven or twelve words that were written in one of the scattered papers. At first, she was in denial. She read it over and over as much as she could while the doctor scrambled to get his papers together. She felt her heart throbbing louder and louder, faster and faster. Her free hand reached out, gripping her head a little. She winced—it hurt… everywhere started to hurt. She started to feel bile accumulating in her throat, readying itself to be puked out, she opened her mouth—not to puke, but to gasp for air.

It didn't take anyone long to realize the sudden discomfort Mikasa displayed. But before anyone could say anything, she snatched her hand back from Eren and started to… run.

She ran past the hallway, she ran outside, in the cold, pouring rain where the thunder and lightning were soon to come, to stir up a storm. It didn't matter to Mikasa, she already felt a hurricane and a storm stirring in her heart, tearing everything down—tearing her down, into bits and bits of shattered pieces. Eren didn't waste a single second to chase after her before Carla or anyone else could've stopped him.

Just as Armin was about to join the chase, the nurse stopped him. Armin struggled and struggled, yet to no avail. "Please! Let me go after her!" He pleaded desperately. He wanted to help her, he wanted to comfort her, he wanted to be there for her… and he wanted to shelter her from the storm, to save her. Even Levi struggled to get out of the hospital bed, wanting to go after her as well. But to no avail, his body wasn't complying, and his exhaustion didn't help either.

The nurse refused to comply with the blonde as she continued to hold him back. Carla left the room to alert the other doctors and nurses of the chase— to her dismay, they had escaped before any one of them could get a hold of them.

"Let me go!" Armin continued to screech as he felt tears streaming down his cheeks—and he hated himself for crying like that… he didn't feel like he had the right to, given Mikasa's position. But, oh, he couldn't help it. A familiar feeling had stirred within him, hopelessness, helplessness, but most of all, the feeling of being left behind which only led him to feel so, so  _useless._

* * *

Mikasa ran and ran, so far to the extent she didn't know where she was. By then, everything ahead was dark as the night had fell not too long ago. Everything ahead was blurry as well, Mikasa wasn't sure if it was because of the water that the clouds poured or the tears her eyes produced that clouded her vision. Regardless, she ran, until she ran out of breath.

Collapsing herself onto her knees onto the ground, she gave a loud shriek, scream, yell, holler, wail and cry. The words she began to shout out were inarticulate as her words were consumed by her sobs as she recalled the words on thatappalling piece of paper.

' _Mr and Mrs Ackerman have been pronounced dead as of February 10_ _th_ _'_

* * *

_"Mikasa…!" A voice called out._

_"Mikasa…?" The voice called out again._

_"Mikasa!" There it was again, followed by a nudge to the shoulder by Armin._

The raven snapped out of the sudden thoughts her mind had drifted off to when she had looked out the classroom window, to see it rain. It had reminded her of…  _things_. Armin and Mikasa had arrived at the classroom not too long ago to collect their bags and any remaining items they had left in class before they were to leave school.

Armin noticed there was a certain look of the dead that lingered in her eyes. To be frank, it sent chills down his spine. "Is… something wrong?" He asked, worried. However, as his eyes followed Mikasa's gaze out to the window, staring at the pouring rain, it didn't take him long to understand the reasoning behind that sorrowful and grim look.

He placed his hand reassuringly on Mikasa's shoulder, she flinched, and then relaxed upon realizing it was Armin's hand—Armin's warmth. She averted her gaze away from the window and then directed it towards the ground in silence, staring at it miserably. Armin didn't require any words between them to be exchanged for him to understand what was going on in her mind. And he didn't need to think twice as his hand took hers, pulling her towards the door to exit.  _"…Let's get out of here."_  Armin uttered softly, taking a quick glimpse at her.

" _Let's go back home."_

And all Mikasa could do was nod and willingly let the blonde drag her out of the classroom.


	10. Win, Lose, Lost

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Armin noticed that there was a certain look of the dead that lingered in her eyes. To be frank, it sent chills down his spine. "Is… something wrong?" He asked, worried. However, as his eyes followed Mikasa's gaze out to the window, staring at the pouring rain, it didn't take him long to understand the reasoning behind that sorrowful and grim look._

_He placed his hand reassuringly on Mikasa's shoulder, she flinched, and then relaxed upon realizing it was Armin's hand—Armin's warmth. She averted her gaze away from the window and then directed it towards the ground in silence, staring at it miserably. Armin didn't require any words between them to be exchanged for him to understand what was going on in her mind. And he didn't need to think twice as his hand took hers, pulling her towards the door to exit._   _"…Let's get out of here."_   _Armin uttered softly, taking a quick glimpse at her._

" _Let's go back home."_

_And all Mikasa could do was nod and willingly let the blonde drag her out of the classroom._

* * *

Armin and Mikasa made their way to the school's exit. The raven began rummaging her bag in search of an umbrella—but to no avail. Armin peered over, letting out a playful smirk. "That's a first, I didn't expect you to forget your umbrella." He joked, in hopes of lightening the mood.

Mikasa rolled her eyes, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. "Look, I—"

"Save it." Armin chuckled softly, before opening up his own umbrella, sheltering the raven. Mikasa gave another eye-roll, before nodding in thanks. Out of the blue, she took the umbrella away from him, sheltering him instead. And before Armin could even question her actions, she had already began explaining herself.

"I don't want your arm to feel tired from holding the umbrella high up for the sake of me, since you're shorter. Plus, you just got out of the infirmary." It was Mikasa's bluntness that stung Armin the most, along with the fact that she said  _it_  in a serious way rather than teasing.  _'It'_ being their awfully noticeable height difference. He had hoped puberty would do something about his height, but it seemed like puberty decided to taunt him instead.

"Whatever. I'm still growing." It was Armin's turn for his cheeks to redden in embarrassment. Mikasa chuckled lightly. "You'll grow." She encouraged, before giving him a small nudge as she cooed, "Let's go."

As usual, their stroll back home was anything but silent. The blonde was glad that Mikasa was in better spirits, he liked seeing her happy. And somewhere in the midst of their lively conversation, Mikasa had decided to bring up something that made Armin's entire functioning system and body halt while his brain attempted to process what she had just relayed to him.

" _Jean confessed to me today."_

The way she said it made it sound as if it was nothing big. And yet, it seemed like a major thing to Armin. "W-What?!" He exclaimed in shock, his eyes widening. Sure, he already knew that Jean liked Mikasa. The way he'd look at her and the way he'd back off from Eren so easily the second Mikasa got involved was enough evidence to prove Jean's love for Mikasa. After all, not a lot of people could make Jean back off from Eren during their fights  _that_  easily.

All Mikasa had to do was just enter into the scene, and that was the end of that. In all honesty, the blonde knew the only people who didn't know Jean's infatuation with Mikasa was Mikasa herself…  _maybe Eren._  But the brunette's actions said otherwise.

Armin knew Eren noticed the way Jean looked at Mikasa. He also noticed the anger boiling within him whenever Jean would stare at Mikasa. However, Eren couldn't exactly identify  _that_ specific reason for his frustration whenever his eyes would catch Jean drooling over Mikasa— and Armin knew that. But he said nothing of it, he had his own reasons for keeping to himself.

Armin, however, didn't know Jean was even capable of confessing his love to Mikasa. He had underestimated his courage for such an act.

Envy began to stir in Armin's heart. He was envious of Jean's courage… it was something Armin lacked, and something he wished he had. Then maybe, he could do the same too.  _Confess._  "And… what did you say to him?" Armin queried, but he already knew the answer.

"I rejected him… I mean…" Mikasa shrugged. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to be a liar either… it's not a big deal, Armin… lets continue to walk."

"Ah yeah… I see." Armin nodded as they resumed their stroll. The blonde did feel some pity towards Jean, rejection wasn't exactly a pretty thing after all.  _Rejection was something Armin feared._

"He took it well… I thin—" Before Mikasa could continue, Armin had cut him off. "Would you have given him a chance, though?"

Of course, Armin  _didn't_  want her to give Jean a chance. It was selfish, he knew. But he was already suffering enough with the competition from Eren. Actually, it wasn't competition.  _Armin already knew, Eren won_. Either way, he just wanted to hear her answer to that question, even if deep down, he already could've guessed it. He just wanted to confirm it.

"Huh? Well… I don't know."

It was ironic— how he knew the  _other reasons_  as to why she had rejected him, and not Mikasa herself.

"It's because you love Eren, isn't it…?" Those words slipped off his tongue, in such a bitter way. Unknowingly, he had said his thoughts out-loud. It was something he came to regret upon realization. Now, it was Mikasa's turn to halt in her steps. Her cheeks fluttered red, her eyes widened.

This was the  _second time_  Armin had practically up-front told Mikasa about her own feelings that she had for Eren. Her reaction was still the same. She flushed cherry red, and Armin could bet a hundred dollars that she didn't look this way upon receiving Jean's confession. He could bet another hundred more that she wouldn't look that way had he had the guts to confess to her.

She had the look of someone who was in love.

' _Mikasa Ackerman is in love with Eren Jaeger.'_  Again, those words echoed in his head.

"I-I—"

"Come on we're almost there, we'll talk about this inside. The rain's getting heavier." Armin commented, before grabbing her hand, pulling her towards the direction of her home. Truth be told, Armin didn't want to talk about it at all. But all he could do was stall time for the inevitable to happen.

' _If only I hadn't opened my mouth in the first place.'_

He took a glimpse of Mikasa's expression one more, then a glimpse at her hypnotizing orbs. He had to force himself to look away as he continued to drag her home— he didn't want to be captivated by her obsidian orbs when they displayed Mikasa's love… for Eren.

Bitter thoughts rushed through Armin's mind.  _'You really win, Eren. I lost... I'm lost.'_

* * *

Armin's phone rang, echoing Mikasa's living room. Picking it up, a familiar voice spoke on the other end.

"Hello? Armin?" It was Eren.

"Yeah, it's me. Why did you call?"

"Just wanted to check if you and Mikasa reached home safely… how's Mikasa?"

Mikasa and Armin had arrived to her home not too long ago. The raven had went to take a shower to refresh herself, leaving Armin to lay on the couch, bored. Well, that was until Eren called. And to be frank, he rather have been left bored—hearing Eren's voice now especially after all that was oddly painful.

"She's fine." Armin assured. "Ar—"

"Tell her I'm coming over to her place soon… I want to talk to her…  _alone._ " Eren had placed extra emphasis on the word,  _'alone'_. Armin didn't need to know the reason why. "Of course. It's good you're going to make up to her." He sounded cheerful when he said this, but his hand that clenched onto his phone tighter in a seemingly frustrated way contrasted and contradicted his tone.

It wasn't that Armin wasn't glad that Eren was going to patch his and Mikasa's conflict up. It was more of how…  _'indescribable'_  he felt. He wasn't sure if it was anger, jealousy, sadness or whatever—but he didn't want Eren to be alone with Mikasa. And of course, it wasn't because Armin didn't trust Eren.

Maybe it was just his nonsensical fear, that in the heat of the moment, Mikasa may randomly blurt out her feelings and Eren would actually reciprocate it.  _What an illogical and irrational fear, the blonde had thought._

Armin didn't understand why he bothered so much.  _He knew he lost a long time ago, to Eren._ But even so, he couldn't help but feel like…  _this._  If he could dispose his feelings, he would. He tried. And obviously, he failed. He even dated someone for a while, it didn't work out—he dated  _Annie Leonhart_. Thinking about it—about  _her_  now, he wondered how she was doing.

"Yeah… I think I'm going to end it."

Armin snapped back to reality, confused as to what Eren meant. "End… what?"

"End any future unnecessary shitty arguments Mikasa and I may have. I'm tired of it. It's clear she's tired of it as well. I don't like seeing her hurt, I hate being the one who hurts her." There was clear vexation hinted in his tone towards the end, which was directed at himself.  _"…You know, it must be good to be you."_

_Huh?_

Armin didn't understand what Eren meant. Shouldn't it have been the other way around?

Armin envied Eren for more than just the fact that Mikasa had eyes only for him. He envied his courage, his bravery. He envied his strength. He envied how free he was, how free he could be. He envied his perseverance, his spirit… and so much more.

"I don't think you'd want to be me… I mean… look at me, Eren. I'm so w—"

"You aren't weak." Eren had cut him off. He sounded agitated now—agitated at how Armin doubted and degraded himself so easily like that. "You're strong." He added.

Again, Armin gripped his phone tighter, his other hand clenching itself into a fist.  _Lies._  Armin had thought.

"I envy you Armin… you always manage to make Mikasa happy. I have never seen you make her sad— like  _sad, sad_  in my entire life… meanwhile… I… I… have I ever, by myself, made her smile?" Eren heaved out a heavy sigh towards the end.

The way Eren managed to shift his tone from frustration to something regretful surprised the blonde. Then again, human emotions were a complex thing… Armin knew that much, so did Eren.

Maybe Eren wasn't able to see it, but putting past their little disagreements, the brunette had made Mikasa smile before— he made her smile much more than frown. Moreover, he had been there for her. He had defended her. He had just the same ability as Armin to make her happy… and just the same power as Armin to break Mikasa completely.

But of course, neither of them wanted that—to break her. They had both seen the vulnerable, fragile side of the raven… and they'd rather not witness it again.

Eren had been there for her when Armin couldn't. Mikasa had been there for Armin after the loss of his parents, and he couldn't do the same for Mikasa… at least that's how  _he_  saw it.

_He wasn't there to shelter her from the pouring rain, on that day._

Sure, afterwards he had comforted Mikasa… but he wasn't strong enough to protect her—at least that's how  _he_  saw it.

" _…Eren… are you blind?_ " Those words were meant to come out as sour, but it sounded… sorrowful. How could Eren be blind to what he had done for Mikasa—that  _he_  couldn't do? However, before Eren could respond, his mother was yelling for him at the other end. And before he knew it, he hung up.

Not even a second after that, Mikasa came out from the shower, with her towel wrapped around her neck as she continued to dry her damp hair.

"Even though you didn't get wet, you should take a shower… I have some spare clothes that'd fit you..." Mikasa murmured as she approached the blonde who laid on the couch. He sat up, facing Mikasa with a little smile. "It's fine. I'll take one later…" Mikasa nodded, before taking a seat next to him.

"Do you want me to brew some tea—"

"Eren called." Those words escaped his lips faster than he could stop it. "He's coming over later, he wants to talk to you…  _alone._ "

Mikasa flinched, she looked away. "Oh… for the school project…?" She queried. Armin frowned, they both knew that, that wasn't the reason why. Even if there was still a minimal amount of jealousy lingering within Armin for the most unreasonable yet reasonably reasons, he still wanted the both of them to make up. "Come on, Mikasa. We both know that's not why."

"Can't you stay?"

Armin wished he could. He wanted to. Not just because of the feelings he had for Mikasa, but rather, he feared that things would go terribly, and the conflict would only worsen. But… he knew he shouldn't. This was between Mikasa and Eren. Not him.

"You know I can't." Armin smiled a little, "Eren cares for you, you know? So don't worry about it." Before Mikasa could give a response, he continued. "Anyway… so you have feelings for Eren, huh?"

The sudden switch of topics caught Mikasa off guard unexpectedly. She looked back up to Armin, her hands began to fiddle with one another. Her cheeks tinged a familiar rosy colour. "I mean…"

"Even after he hurt you, you still love him?" Again, those words left his lips in such a bitter way before he could even stop it. He sounded bitter—but why? Why couldn't he disguise his emotions? He had done that for so many years in regards to his feelings for Mikasa, so why couldn't he now?

What Mikasa said next surprised the blonde, he hadn't anticipated it. He had anticipated her to give a sullen look of hurt at the mention of Eren's harshness towards her, to which, he'd come to regret sooner rather than later for triggering. Instead, she flashed a bittersweet smile. " _That's what love does to you, I guess…_  It hurts, sure… but what Eren gives me is not just hurt. Hurt is the last thing he'd ever intentionally give me—give  _us_  for that matter, we both know that. Besides, everyone has disagreements every now and then… putting aside ours, he…" She trailed off, but that smile remained.

"He…He makes me feel things that I don't know how to describe. But I'm also afraid… of rejection. But what I'm more afraid of is losing him. What if he finds me weird and leaves? I can't… protect him then. I can't be by his side, like how he was there for me." Mikasa had continued after a fleeting moment. Armin had blinked his eyes at the mention of the word, 'rejection.' Well, at least he now knew that the both of them had something in common.  _The fear of rejection._

"You know Eren's not like that…he won't leave you." There was some guilt in his tone— and it didn't go unnoticed by Mikasa. Even without saying anything, the raven already knew the reason why.

"I already told you, Armin… you were there for me in your own ways whe—"

"Not as much as Eren."

"That's okay. I can't blame you. The bullies back the—"

"That doesn't make a difference—"Armin had stopped mid-way in his sentence before his voice could raise any higher in volume, in rage. He didn't want to sound mad, he didn't want Mikasa to take it the wrong way even though she probably already knew that he wasn't mad at her… but at himself.

"Armin—"

"It's okay…I—"

The doorbell rang. Both Armin and Mikasa nearly forgotten how close Eren lived near them. Less than 3 bus stops away or a fifteen minute walk. Time flies fast, unfortunately. And how did they know it was Eren? Well… who else could it be?

"… I should go." Armin smiled before getting up. However, Mikasa gripped and tugged onto his sleeve before he could take another step away. "Mikasa?"

"You're okay… right?" She asked, her tone felt like white fluffy clouds on a sunny day—warm and soft.

"I am…? What's with the sudden question?"

_Did she know? Did she know how he felt? The bitterness and sourness he displayed was probably a little off for him, so she could've probably picked it up right?_

"Just… wanted to make sure. The… bullies did hurt you a lot."

Of course she wouldn't figure out. She could barely notice and realize the feelings she possessed for Eren, what did he honestly expect?

"I'm fine." He smiled. "I promise I'll take a shower when I go back if you're worried about that as well." Armin chuckled lightly. "I should go… and when you're talking to Eren, you ought to wipe the redness off your cheeks!" He teased.

"H-Hey! They aren't red…!" She pouted, pulling her hand back, crossing them. He couldn't help but find it cute. "A-And a-about Eren—"

"I won't say a word. I'll call you later, Mikasa." And with a playful wink, he turned his back, grabbed his stuff and left through the back door.

After he left, Mikasa's crossed arms relaxed before they slid off one another. "I didn't know you had the ability to lie, Armin… to me." She muttered. Of course she'd notice… he could fool anyone, but he couldn't fool her with that forced smile. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't figure out the reason for it, though. She regretted not asking about it, but she knew Armin would only respond with more lies anyway.

The doorbell rang again echoing around the room, reminding Mikasa of her visitor. She took a few deep breaths. She then stood up, made her way towards the door. But she froze before turning the door knob open, realizing something.

 _Eren doesn't ring doorbells._  He knocks the door so hard it could wake anyone up, and if that didn't work after a long, long while he'd resign and ring the doorbell vigorously non-stop. But that wasn't the case. So, who was it?

Mikasa peered through the door's peephole, and she was instantly in a state of disbelief of the person who stood outside. There was no way it could be  _him_. He had left her, alone… a long, long time ago.

Her body moved by itself, flinging the door open to reveal the same person whom she saw through the peephole. What did she expect? A hologram?—to be frank, in Mikasa's mind, that was probably more welcomed than the man before her. The male's appearance and presence couldn't completely convince her that it was him—what convinced her was his voice that sounded dreadfully familiar.

"How long do you plan to stand there, Brat?"

Ah that voice, that nickname, that question. She should be the one asking the questions that he left unanswered, not him.  _Not her brother._

" _What are you doing here… Levi?"_

* * *

Armin soon arrived at his house, and the first thing he did was fall flat on his own couch. "I'll shower in a few more minutes…" He muttered to himself, before feeling something move in his pocket after he had practically slammed himself down on the couch. Using one of his hands to find out what it was, he took a piece of a folded piece of paper containing Jean's contact number.

_That's right. The project._

"Might as well do something to distract myself…" Armin sighed before taking out his phone and texting Jean, who responded soon after. Armin wondered how he was doing after Mikasa's rejection, but of course he wasn't going to ask that… not through text, at least. He didn't want to make Jean uncomfortable when he had a project to start and complete with him. The last thing he needed was awkwardness… and a partner who refused to show up. One thing led to another, and now Jean was going to head to his place to work on it. On the bright side, Jean wasn't ditching responsibilities… hopefully.

Well, whatever. Time would tell.

Lazily, Armin threw his phone to the end of his couch before he proceeded to drag himself to the washroom, to freshen up and hopefully wash away his bitterness and sourness from earlier on.

If only he had delayed a second more then he would have seen the new notification that popped up.

A message, from his ex,  _Annie Leonhart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review, would love to hear your thoughts ahah


	11. Familiar Face I Don't Want To See

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Lazily, Armin threw his phone to the end of his couch before he proceeded to drag himself to the washroom, to freshen up and hopefully wash away his bitterness and sourness from earlier on._

_If only he had delayed a second more then he would have seen the new notification that popped up._

_A message, from his ex,_ _Annie Leonhart._

* * *

"Annie,  _wait!_  You can't just break up with me on the phone!" Armin yelled through the phone. There was agony and at the same time, confusion that lingered in his tone. He and Annie had spent many months together, as lovers. He had dedicated time for her. He had brought her out for dates. He had stayed committed to her. So, for Annie to call him out of nowhere and tell him that she wanted to end things was rather unreasonable and unexpected.

"I figured you'd say that," Annie murmured, "Meet me at the park in an hour. I'll explain everything." Before Armin could voice out his thoughts any further, she hung up, leaving her ex-lover in a state of shock and hurt.

" _Why am I remembering this now?_ " Armin groaned silently as he stepped out of the shower. His past relationship with Annie wasn't relatively long or short, regardless, while it lasted it was heart-warming in its own way. When it ended, it was like a winter's storm,  _cold_ —but just like any storm, it eventually went away. He wondered how she was doing anyway, they hadn't chatted for a long time—mostly due to the awkwardness, and the protectiveness he received from mostly Mikasa when she had found out about Armin's first heartbreak.

He still remembered what Annie's main reason was for their split—those words were practically imprinted in his brain. He couldn't erase it even if he wanted to. He didn't like to remember it. Those words were the last thing he wanted to be reminded of.

The blonde made his way downstairs, and with his towel wrapped around his hair, he plopped himself back down on his couch and reached out for his phone—to only discover that its battery died. "This day is just going great." He uttered out sarcastically before forcing himself to sit up. "Well, maybe I could read a boo—"

The sound of a doorbell ringing had cut Armin off, reminding him of Jean's visit. If only it was Mikasa or Eren, but Armin knew those two had things to settle on their own, things that he shouldn't and couldn't interfere with. Heaving a heavy sigh, he dragged himself out of the couch before snatching the towel wrapped in his blonde hair, placing it around his neck and shoulders instead.

"You can do this Armin… Jean isn't a particularly bad person… I hope…" Armin grumbled as he placed his hand on the doorknob.  _Oh, he really didn't enjoy socializing too much— especially with Jean, who wasn't on good terms with Eren in the slightest._ Slowly twisting the doorknob, he chanted mentally to himself not to judge a book by its cover. Despite Jean's seemingly threatening outer appearance, he could be a nice person… right? He won't take out his anguish of Mikasa's rejection on him, right?

Again, irrational fears were consuming him, but Armin knew better to give in to this feeling of reluctance and fright. The faster he let Jean in, the faster the project would be done and he would be able to reread some books he favoured. Taking one last deep breath, he forced his hands to twist the knob open and immediately stepped aside upon seeing Jean. "Come in…" He welcomed with a small nervous smile.

Jean gave a small nod before entering his house, and Armin could already feel the damn, cursed and dearly resented awkwardness. This was the first time he and Jean would be obligated to hold a proper conversation, and hell, he hoped no disagreements would break out between them. "Nice place you have." Jean said as he took a quick glance around, "Are you home alone?"

Armin nodded, and just as he was about to talk, Jean continued, "Alright, I'll leave as soon as your parents come back. I don't want to interrupt anything. When will they—"

"You don't have to worry about it." Armin said calmly, though he was caught off guard on the fact that Jean didn't know about his family history, given the fact that numerous nasty rumours had sprouted from it once upon a time in school. "I don't have parents, at least not anymore." He mumbled the last part silently, yet there was a hint of casualness in his tone. The topic of the death of his parents definitely evoked gloominess in him, but it wasn't something he couldn't grow used to—at least that's what he told himself. In reality, he couldn't exactly be adapted to the emptiness lingering in his house when he was all alone. Even so, he knew that there was no point crying about it anymore. At least, not in front of a stranger. He didn't enjoy appearing weak to anyone, not to mention strangers.

As silence began engulfing the room with its sidekick, awkwardness, Armin could've already guessed the reason behind it. Looking up to see Jean's reaction and expression to such news confirmed his reason.

"I-I… um… oh, uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know- I, well…" As his group partner began to stutter, Armin oddly felt assured. Well, it wasn't because he felt any satisfaction from witnessing him wallowing in guilt, but rather, at least he knew that he had a heart and wasn't a threat unlike those bullies. Unlike Jean, those sort of people, would just torment him after registering the words Armin confessed in regards to his family life.

"It's okay." Armin chuckled slightly, in the hopes of lightening the mood. Armin didn't understand why he had spout out the fact that his parents weren't around anymore to him rather than beat around the bush and lie. It's not like he wanted to seek pity from others. Jean would've probably found out the truth if he was meticulous enough anyway, considering in the corner of his living room had his parents' pictures hanging on the wall with the words,  _'Rest In Peace'_  clearly engraved on the frame.

Jean still wore an uneased look on his face, something that displayed that he was truly apologetic about Armin's family circumstances. "Are you sure? I didn't remind you of... well—"

Armin was quick to cut him off, "Don't worry about it, really. I mean, um… Mikasa and Eren visit me often so it's fine. Mikasa lives next to me, so it isn't really that lone—"

" _Wait._  Mikasa lives next door?!" Jean gasped.

' _Oh crap.'_  Armin thought silently in his mind, he should've organized his thoughts before mumbling out random things that had the chance in putting him in an unfavourable situation. The blonde didn't understand why he was spilling out such information about his life, it wasn't like him to be open. It wasn't like him to express himself so much to strangers. Perhaps his anxiousness was getting the best of him and triggering him to say these things. Jean's presence was slightly intimidating after all. But at the same time, he didn't feel so threatened by him. Well, the reason didn't matter at this point. Armin knew very well that words that had been spoken out, can never be taken back.

On the bright side, the topic of his parents' death was switched to something else. "Uh… I mean…" Armin laughed a little nervously. "Let's start with our project—"

"How could you  _not_  tell me?!" Jean groaned before grabbing Armin's shoulders, shaking him slightly _. 'I don't even know you…'_  was the first thing that came to the blonde's mind, but he knew he shouldn't say that out loud. "Damn you… you lucky bastard…" Jean spoke, before staring Armin right in the eye—and the blonde couldn't identify whether his stare was out of envy or rage or both. But he knew one thing, that he was  _too_ close.

"Uh… too close…" Armin squeaked, he was having second thoughts on the  _'sort-of non-threatening'_  opinion he had formed on Jean. "Ah, sorry…" Jean apologised awkwardly, upon realization how… well, weird he got after the mention of Mikasa. "It's just… eh, I didn't expect Mikasa to be righ—wait, that reckless bastard doesn't live next to Mikasa, does he?" The male growled.

Once again, Armin noticed a flame sparked in Jean's eyes. This, he recognized— it was  _jealousy._

"He lives sort of nearby… but not next door or anything. It's a ten or fifteen minute walk, I think…" Armin murmured, "But I think he's with Mikasa now… working on the project so—"

"He's next door?!  _Alone?!_   _With Mikasa?!_ " Jean groaned, "That lucky bastard… ruining my chances with her…"

Armin couldn't help but give a small roll of his eyes, but he also couldn't help but relate to him just a little—but not to the huge, exaggerated and fiery extent. He also noticed Jean's usage of words—how he viewed Eren as a competitor for Mikasa's heart,  _just Eren_.  _Not him._  He then shrugged it off, it wasn't anything new to him or was anything he was unaware of, yet it did sting him a little—the reminder of having lost, rejected even, a long time back.

Out of the blue, Armin's eyes lit up at the sudden memory that Jean had just been rejected by Mikasa, and now he felt his curiosity pounding him. After all, despite Mikasa's rejection, Jean evidently seemed as lively as ever—something that he couldn't quite compute. He expected Jean wouldn't have had the energy or will to show up to his house for the project, considering he would've probably been reminded of Mikasa due to Armin's presence, since he was friends with her and all. He expected Jean to just cry in a corner or be at the gym punching his feelings out—something along those lines. After all, it was obvious to almost everyone that he had an infatuation of Mikasa. It didn't take long for Jean to notice Armin suddenly staring at him for a prolonged period with eyes that screamed curiosity. "Uh… Armin?" He called out, shooting the blonde a weirded-out sort of look.

"Oh, ah, sorry... I was just… thinking about something..."

Suspicious, Jean raised a curious brow. "About…?"

Armin parted his lips, but closed them instantly. He knew he had to think twice about asking such personal things. He didn't want any arguments breaking out because of a foolish question. But… Armin wanted to know. He wanted to know Jean's perspective so badly. He wanted to know why he didn't seem like affected by Mikasa's rejection. He wanted to know what… it felt like, to be rejected verbally by her. He didn't know why he wanted to know these things. These sort of things were unexplainable. Besides, considering Jean didn't seem sullen in the slightest meant that there was no hard feelings, right?

Armin just wanted to know. What Jean would say wouldn't make a difference in his pathetic love life at this point. Armin knew. He knew he lost, he knew he was rejected a long time ago the moment he noticed how Mikasa's gaze differ with Eren. It was a silent, unspoken sort of rejection _. Even with all that, the blonde couldn't just… let go completely—and he hated that._

And despite being rejected by Mikasa in a silent unspoken way, he oddly wanted to know how it would possibly feel to be rejected by her verbally. He didn't know why—maybe he just wanted to make himself feel better. Who knows?

If you love someone, you  _should_  be satisfied with seeing them happy, even if it's with someone else, right?

If she was happy with Eren, then who cares, right?

It was the only 'selfless' thing to do, right?

Yet, Armin felt differently. No matter how much he denied or refused to acknowledge it, there would be this bitterness stirring inside of him. He didn't like to think about it much, he felt disgusted at himself because of this—that he couldn't be happy for her… or maybe, he just wasn't happy with himself, his cowardly self.

Clearing his thoughts away, Armin decided to ask. He decided to deal with whatever consequences later that he may or may not regret. Heaving a heavy sigh, he spoke, "I was just wondering how the rejection went with…  _Mikasa_?"

* * *

Ten steps away. Eren was ten steps away from arriving at Mikasa's doorstep. A minute went by, followed by another three. He was still ten steps away. The male was hesitant—and even reluctant to take another step as ironic as it was, considering he was the one who wanted to meet up and sort things out. Yet, he was the one hesitating.

"Come on Eren… It's Mikasa for crying out loud!" Eren groaned silently to himself. He wasn't normally this nervous or apprehensive. Hell, he wouldn't be nervous in the slightest when he would get called to the principal's office. In fact, he had talked things out with Mikasa on several occasions. Then again, those conversations never lasted long, and they never dived into the depths of one another's emotions towards the particular topic. Those conversations would normally just start with him saying things like, " _I just don't like when you're so overprotective of me. I can take care of myself."_  And after a minute of going back and forth, Mikasa would say something along the lines of,  _"I just don't want you hurt."_ Before the conversation would end with apologies from both parties.

There were moments Eren would question to himself about why she wasn't so overprotective over Armin, then again, Eren had to admit he did start some fights. Armin never started a fight, but he never exactly backed out from one. He wouldn't strike a punch, he would swallow up his tears most of the time, other times he couldn't control it. However, he barely ever submitted to the bullies. The only times he actually  _'surrendered'_  was for the sake of them both. To Eren, he viewed Armin as a little timid, shy and even fearful of standing up for himself. But he would never label him a coward. The cowards Eren hated was the people who didn't have the guts to admit their mistakes and the people who ran away when things got tough. To Eren's knowledge, Armin wasn't the type of person who would run away to leave his friends in the dust.

If only Eren knew that Armin was running for so long, that he had been running away from an obstacle he refused to face.  _His feelings._

Taking a deep breath, Eren took another step forward. Just before he could dwell on his thoughts any further, his ears caught an awfully familiar muffled voice. Perking his head up, he rushed towards Mikasa's door, finding it to be unlocked. The muffled noises soon became clearer and discernible, and the conversation happening behind the closed doors was anything but amicable.

With his hesitance diminished in a blink of an eye, he opened the door to see a familiar face that evoked a frown from his lips along with a low growl that attracted the attention from both Ackermans.

" _Levi Ackerman."_  Eren hissed.

* * *

Before Eren's arrival and interruption, Mikasa had been asking her brother to leave. She couldn't bear to see him. It ached her heart and soul to see him. But more than anything, it surprised her that he even came back, it surprised her even more that she felt some form of throbbing pain within her. She had thought that she had let go of the hurt that Levi left her with along with the isolation he had also gifted her.

"I want to fix things." Levi spoke.

The calm tone laced with those unexpected words ignited a certain vexation within the younger sister. He didn't sound genuine, he didn't sound like he regretted what he had done to her—what pain he left her to deal with,  _alone_. He sounded the same as years ago, as if  _nothing_  had changed between them.

_Everything changed._

The feelings of hurt that weighed Mikasa's heart slowly sparked the burning frustration. She was never good with emotions, neither was he. She didn't know what was going on in Levi's mind or heart that made him want to reconnect with her. She didn't even know the emotions that stirred within her. She was angry, yet sad. Such contradictory and conflicting emotions were enough to wear her out, and it would have, if it weren't for the indignation that kept her wide awake.

"It's too late for that." She responded.

She had intended to sound pissed, angry… or even shoot back the same irritating calm voice he used. Yet, as those words left the tip of her tongue, they sounded pained. They sounded glum. They sounded as if it were from someone who got betrayed— which wasn't too far off from the bullseye.

She hated herself for that. How could she let such a vulnerable tone slip out? Not to mention, in front of  _him_ , out of all people. Mikasa turned her back afterwards, hoping that he would respect her wishes that she saw as reasonable—hoping that he would just run away and leave her like how he did before.

But he didn't. He didn't do that. He persisted some more, but his tone was anything but what Mikasa wanted— _no,_  needed to hear. That's how the argument broke out.

" _I said leave!"_  The younger sister became desperate, as if her pride drained out of her, she allowed her tone to sound pleading. She just wanted him out of her sight. She didn't want to see him, she couldn't. Not now, not when she was so unprepared. But, unfortunately… he still persisted.

"Mikasa, I'm your brother, I don't—"

" _That brother left me years ago."_  And now, she snapped back at him. Her emotions were all over the place, like a hurricane. They were in a mess. She was jumping from one mood or emotion to another. Perhaps it was her hormones—she actually wished it was. But the reasoning behind the agonising tone she used now was  _more_  than trivial things like that. Now, that tone was accompanied with tears that edged towards spilling.

That's when Eren welcomed himself in.

" _Levi Ackerman." He hissed._

Eren had been angry several times. But hell, that anger had tenfold if it were even possible, and that anger was soon to burst into something unpleasant. Once upon a time, the brunette had looked up to the male before him with admiring eyes—those admiring eyes were now replaced with resentment and hate.

Levi turned, he was neither fazed nor disturbed about Eren's abrupt presence. He had the same plain look, though his eyes did widen a little in surprise. " _Eren._ " Levi said simply, "Don't bother us. This is family business."

"You  _are not_  her family." Coldness quivered in Eren's tone as he rushed over to Mikasa's side, becoming the wall in between the two siblings. "And you are  _not_  welcomed here."

Clicking his tongue, Levi narrowed his eyes. "This is legally still my home. I—"

"Then we'll leave!" Eren exclaimed rashly, before grabbing Mikasa's hand and dragged her towards the door. The brunette didn't know what he doing or where he was going to take the raven. But he knew for one thing—she shouldn't be here, in the same room as the male who claimed to be her brother. Someone as distant as him  _shouldn't_  be her brother.

However, before he could leave, Levi had gripped Mikasa's other free hand, halting the two teenagers in their steps. "I said, this is family business. Stay out of it,  _brat_." Levi said, his tone hinted threat. But threatened was the last thing Eren could feel, especially with the rage boiling in him which only increased upon hearing that  _'nickname'_. Eren shot a glare at Levi, but his attention was quick to redirect itself to Mikasa when he noticed her fragile state. Her hands were trembling and her tears were beginning to spill. It was clear,  _she was torn._

The female raven thought she had threw and disposed of any emotions in regards to her brother. She thought she didn't care about him anymore. She thought she could just forget and erase him.

Today, she realized that that wasn't the case.

"Let… me go." Those word were the only thing she could force herself to say to Levi. She slowly looked up to Levi, and the pain she had expressed all over caused the brother to release her hand, though with some hesitance. Eren, however, didn't hesitate to continue to drag her out. But before that, the raven's ears caught a sudden soft tone of someone familiar.

" _Mikasa, Wai—_ "

It was the soft and gentle tone of the brother she knew years ago.  _Why did he suddenly express that now?_  But it was too late, Eren had already slammed the door on their way out before she could hear what he had to say, or see whatever his face expressed—if it had any emotion.

Many questions began to fill Mikasa's mind.

Why did Levi come back? Why did she feel so broken when she saw him? Why did she still care for her brother? Why did he leave her…? Why?

Despite having such personal questions, only one left her lips. "Where…. are we going?"

" _Home._ " Eren didn't hesitate to respond, " _Far, far away from him._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review, I would love to hear your thoughts!


	12. Run Away, Escape

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Many questions began to fill Mikasa's mind._

_Why did Levi come back? Why did she feel so broken when she saw him? Why did she still care for her brother? Why did he leave her…? Why?_

_Despite having such personal questions, only one left her lips. "Where…. are we going?"_

_"_ _Home_ _._ _" Eren didn't hesitate to respond,_   _"_ _Far, far away from him_ _._ _"_

* * *

While Mikasa and Eren fled to the comforts of  _home_ , Armin found himself caught in a rather awkward situation.

 _"I was just wondering how the rejection went with_ …  _Mikasa_ _?"_

Instantly, Armin was met with surprised eyes. Jean had opened his mouth as if to respond, yet no words came out—just his speechlessness displaying itself. He never would've thought someone like Armin would have been this bold to confront about something personal.

A cough was what broke the silence, followed by a forced chuckle, both from the blonde. "Sorry, was that too personal?" Before Jean could even respond, he continued, "I'll head upstairs to grab some books that could help with our project, just make yourself comfortable here." With that said, he sped up to his room.

Jean only nodded in response as Armin left to gather the necessary research materials. He was still at a loss for words. He really didn't want to be reminded of that painful rejection, because it'd trigger unnecessary thoughts to begin forming—like how it was now.

' _Did Mikasa tell him that? … Of course! They're best friends or something! What else did she tell him? Did she find me too desperate? Did my breath stink, and that's why she rejected me? Oh my g—'_

However, before his thoughts could go any deeper, Armin had reappeared in the room with stacks of geographical related books, and wore a new pair of glasses that he had taken out from his  _back-up glasses wardrobe_. He had placed the books down on the ground, figuring the table would be too small of a space to do work. "Let's start shall we?" Armin said, breaking off Jean's thoughts.

"Y-Yeah." He finally managed.

With that, their research begin, and Armin internally prayed that Jean wouldn't end up like… the  _others_. He didn't want to do all the work by himself, again. He didn't like being used to only be thrown in the trash afterwards.

* * *

The rain had come to a halt a while back when Armin was at Mikasa's home earlier. Now, it seemed after Levi's arrival to her home, the sky began to gloom once again, bracing for another rainfall or even a storm.

As Eren continued to drag Mikasa towards his home, it had been inevitable for them to avoid stepping on the puddles, causing the dirtied puddle water to be splashed against them. Though, he didn't notice how muddy both their shoes had gotten, nor had he noticed the ominous clouds gathering and preparing for a second rainfall. He was too enraged, it clouded his other senses. Even when it began to drizzle, he didn't notice nor feel the raindrops pelting down on his head, on his clothes, drenching him slowly.

It was only when Mikasa broke out of her silence—it was only when he heard  _her voice_ , did he snap out of his fury for a fleeting moment. "Eren… it's drizzling."

That's when he began to notice the weather. Clicking his tongue in agitation, he looked around to find some sort of shelter. To his luck, he spotted a bus stop with a shelter nearby, as well as a bus approaching the stop that drove towards his house. Without saying anything, he continued to pull Mikasa towards the bus's direction.

Fortunately, they managed to board the bus without being all too drenched. Despite the fact that the bus was more or less empty—with the exception of an elderly lady appearing to be asleep and a teenager whose eyes were glued to his phone—both of them chose to sit at the back of the bus.

There was no conversation made between them, just silence. Eren didn't know what to say that wouldn't hurt her further and Mikasa lacked the energy to even try to initiate a conversation.

Originally, Eren had went to Mikasa's house, hoping to resolve their problems once and for all. He had went to Mikasa's house so he can talk to her truthfully, in order to prevent himself from ever hurting her again. He had went to Mikasa's house to see her,  _only her_. Yet, he saw someone else, he saw the man who still dared to call himself Mikasa's family, and that infuriated him. In the end, he went there only to end up bringing her away.

Out of the blue, he felt a sudden vibration in his pocket. Taking his phone out with his hand, he looked down and saw a message from his mother—something about her going to her friend's place as she had forgotten something. Eren sent a quick message back before keeping his phone. Once the phone was out of the way, he noticed how muddy his shoes were. Though, he didn't care so much. It wasn't as if this was his first time washing mud off his shoes—he had been doing it since middle school ever since his mother got fed up with cleaning his shoes daily. After all, he almost always came home looking all frazzled from either dealing with bullies or playing in the field.

Eren's emerald orbs inadvertently traced towards Mikasa's shoes, noticing how filthy they were after splashing in the dirty muddy water and puddles. He felt a little bad. He felt that his angered stomping and dragging of Mikasa had caused her shoes to be pretty much dirtier than his. Slowly, his eyes began to trace upwards, and what he saw next ached his heart.

The raven had been looking out the window after they were seated, and although she made no eye-contact with Eren or whatsoever, the brunette noticed her despondent-looking reflection on the window as if she were on the brink of crying—and  _she was_. The moment he noticed this, a single tear escaped her eyes, tracing down her cheeks. Then, he felt something shaking. Looking down, he noticed that their hands were still connected, but a little loosened. He also noticed that it was  _her hands_  that were quivering. She hadn't pulled away, and he didn't want to either for whatever reason. Instead, he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Mikasa was still looking out the window, but he could tell she was surprised by his sudden squeeze, since she did flinch a little. He gave her a look of reassurance, hoping she'd somehow see it in the window's reflection. "We're reaching soon… it's fine now." He managed to say.

Eren didn't know where his anger went to, but for now it was diminished. Mikasa didn't need to see the ugly frustrated side of him, especially not now.

The rain grew heavier, but it didn't drown Mikasa's response—because there was no response. Eren couldn't blame her, he only gripped onto her hand tighter. ' _This scene is all too familiar, but it isn't the same'. Eren thought, 'it's still better than_   _last time_.'

Looking up, he noticed that they were reaching their stop. "Let's go… we better hurry before the rain gets worse."

Mikasa only nodded.

With that, they alighted the bus and made a dash towards Eren's house before the rain could drench them completely.

* * *

Upon reaching Eren's home, he had told Mikasa to clean herself up. It was only then did Mikasa manage to say something or rather, managed to gather her remaining amount of energy to retort. "What about you? I already took a shower at home and—"

"Mikasa, you're much more drenched."

"I—"

"For once, Mikasa.  _Worry more about yourself._  I'll change and dry myself upstairs. I'll take a shower later." As he said this he sounded stern, yet ironically gentle. There was no frustration behind his sternness, just worry and concern. He couldn't be frustrated at her, not now—not when she looked so…

" _Please._ " He added, sounding pleading. It was rare for him to have such a pleading tone, most of the time he just sounded… irritated or angry—and sometimes he didn't know why.

Reluctantly, Mikasa resigned and went to his washroom to clean up while Eren headed upstairs to change and dry himself. It was only when the brunette was separated from her as he went to change and dry himself in his room, did he start to feel his vexation coming back.

_Why did Levi come back after all these years?_

Perhaps Levi was indeed genuine about his intent to reconnect with Mikasa—but Eren couldn't believe that, he didn't want that.  _It was too late_ , Eren thought. Growing up, Levi was like a role model to him. He found him cool as a kid, but now it was the opposite. The only  _'cool'_  thing about him was his cold heart.

The hurt Levi gave Mikasa had shattered the entire role-model image he had of him. Sure, he wasn't perfect—but what he did to Mikasa was utterly unforgivable.

After their parents' death, Levi began to distance himself from everything. For example, his school, his friends… and even his own sister. Mikasa had tried again and again to get his attention, she'd go as far to break things.

Their bills and any money-related stuff were covered by their uncle, Kenny, who was the only known family member that actually bothered about their situation. He provided food on the table, paid the bills and even provided them with some pocket money. But, he didn't stay to raise them. He would come and leave in less than a minute.

Mikasa didn't particularly care about his absence. She was thankful for his actions, but what she really needed wasn't money or even food. She needed her brother's comfort so desperately.  _She didn't need nor wanted this loneliness._  She had tried to reach out to him time and time again, not just because she wanted to be comforted but also because she wanted to comfort him too. But, to no avail.

Every day, Mikasa would bring up the food that Kenny had bought to his doorstep, hoping it would lure him out—but it didn't. As long as she was there, he wouldn't leave the room. So, as the little raven still wanted her brother to eat, she left the food at his doorstep before making her way downstairs to eat her own meal. To say the least, the food disappeared most of the time as long as she disappeared as well. Though that hurt her, she was relief that at least, he was still eating.

The only times Levi ever left the shadows of his room was when he found it necessary, like when he had to use the washroom. But, there was once he left his room when Mikasa had purposely broke a plate. The sound of glass shattering was enough to alarm and frighten Levi, and lure him out.

Mikasa was standing next to a broken glass plate, and when she saw her brother running down in worry, she couldn't help but smile. He still cared, it made her happy that he still cared. But it didn't take Levi long to figure out that she was bluffing him, which resulted in a glare and a pissed off look. Ever since then, he wasn't fooled by Mikasa's bluffs. Ever since then, he only got colder.

Mikasa could understand why he'd shut her out. After all, in the beginning, she had even shut out both Armin and Eren briefly. But unlike Levi, she eventually let them in.

But for Levi, no matter how much time went by, he never let her in.

Mikasa had told both Eren and Armin all of this. Her struggles and how desperate she was to just talk to her brother. After all, he was the only close family she had left.

At some point, Levi had eventually got out of his slump… sort of. He forced himself to go to school. Mikasa had tried to talk to him again, which only resulted in another cold threatening glare that never failed to startle and saddened her. It reminded her that there was still this wall between them, a wall that she tried to break many, many times—all of her attempts only resulted in failure.

Because of this, Mikasa suffered a lot—something Levi failed to notice since he avoided her most of the time. Sometimes he never came back home when he left for school.

Mikasa was once determined—even with all the pain she felt after her parent's death, she manage to remain more or less optimistic… because at least Levi, her brother, was still alive. He survived.  _But,_  after receiving looks as cold as ice from him almost daily, her optimism and determination began to drain, and it only made her feel helpless, weak…  _miserable._

Mikasa then began to blame herself, for her parent's death, for her brother's coldness and for being a pain and burden. She didn't even know what she did wrong to be in a situation like this, to cause her brother to be so cold to her. She didn't understand, she couldn't.

 _Was it because of me that my parents died? Is that why Levi was so cold to me? Why… couldn't I've been the one to die in that crash, then Mom and Dad would still be alive… then Levi would be happy, right?_ These sort of thoughts slowly began to fill her mind, it slowly began to drown her.

Slowly, she began to sink into a dark place.

Fortunately, Mikasa managed to get herself out of that dark place before she could've sunk any further. Armin and Eren never gave up on her after all.  _They were always there for her when Levi wasn't._

Just as when it seemed Mikasa's happiness was slowly coming back.  _Levi disappeared._

Even after all the indirect pain Levi unknowingly gave her, she never gave up reaching out to him. She always knocked on his bedroom door, hoping for a response. She always left the food at his door, she would sometimes update him about her life, hoping he would respond, hoping he would open the door. She was hoping that the invisible wall between them would finally break. He was still family, her brother—and Mikasa refused to believe that the close sibling relationship they once had was completely shattered forever.

One day, she came back to see Levi's room door opened. She took a peek, to see the Levi's room entirely gone. It was just an empty room. It wasn't Levi's. His clothes, his books and his belongings weren't there. All she found was a note saying that he left for private reasons, and for her not to chase after him or even look for him.

Mikasa was only around thirteen or fourteen when her brother left.

Eren couldn't even remember how much comfort and time the raven needed to recover from that. He didn't want to remember. Though he did notice something. After a period of time after Levi's disappearance, something in Mikasa changed. Her sadness morphed into something else, anger. He hadn't been sure if it was because of his influence that made her emotions change into something fiery.

At the mention of Levi's name, instead of a woebegone expression, her expression would be something of anger. Yet, Eren could tell that that emotion  _wasn't_ just the only thing she felt. No matter how much she denied it, Eren soon noticed that with that burning anger she had, there was some agony mixed in it.

_And he was right—and he wished he wasn't. Someone like Mikasa shouldn't feel sad because of someone pathetic like Levi._

Eren had lost all his respect for Levi that day he ran away, like a coward.

Eren had been naïve enough to think Levi would one day open his door and welcome Mikasa in.  _He was supposed to be the hero_   _that would one day realize his mistake and rescue Mikasa from her pain completely._  But that wasn't the case. Instead, he left without a word, he didn't even have the guts to face his own sister.

The male now took deep breaths. Right now, he knew he shouldn't be angry—he feared it may wreck Mikasa even more. He suppressed it as much as he could. He didn't wish to direct the anger he felt for Levi to Mikasa. After he finished changing, he made his way downstairs to find that Mikasa was still in the washroom, showering. He walked over to the kitchen, deciding to make something for her to drink.

Meanwhile, it didn't take long for Mikasa to soon finish her shower. The clothes Eren had lent her had fit her well, nothing too loose or whatnot. She then looked up and into the mirror, and despite bathing and such, the reflection she saw looked like a mess.

She had thought hurt was the last thing she would have felt if Levi ever showed up in her life again. But she was wrong.  _So terribly wrong._

She saw a tear running down the girl's cheek in the mirror, to only realise it was her. "Don't cry… don't cry." She chanted softly to herself. She wouldn't let Levi make her cry, make her feel so weak. Not again.

_Yet… why? Why did this sadness feel so uncontrollable?_

Taking a deep breath, she turned and left the bathroom after wiping away her tear.

At the same time, Eren had left the kitchen with a cup of tea, nearly bumping into Mikasa who appeared so suddenly in his pathway.

"I… uh, made you some tea." Eren blurted out.

At the sight of tea, it evoked a memory from Mikasa. She remembered how each day, Levi would try to brew something new, create some fusions on his own for her, which only sparked both of their mutual love for tea. That memory pained her, and it made her wonder all over again— _what happened, to those happy times?_

Although, Mikasa wasn't going to reject Eren's kindness due to that aspect of her past. The last thing she wanted was for her past to consume her whole again. Besides, she still loved tea. She wasn't going to let someone like Levi change things and aspects of her like that, no matter how much it hurt.

"Thank you." She mumbled softly, but she didn't smile, not yet. She then took the cup of tea off his hands and then took a seat on his couch. Eren gave a small nod before sitting next to her. "So… are you feeling better?" He asked.

"…yeah." She responded—but both of them knew that her tone wasn't the slightest bit convincing.

Yet instead of retorting, Eren remained silent, so did Mikasa who lifted up the cup of tea, deciding to take a small sip of it—to only spit it out.

Her sudden action caught Eren off-guard, and made him both confused and anxious. ' _Was the tea too hot? Was it a flavour she disliked?_ ' he worried.

Mikasa only looked at the cup of tea, and then Eren. Then, she started to giggle a little.

Finally, a positive reaction. It made Eren happy, but his confusion remained.

" _You mistook salt for sugar, Eren._ " She chuckled softly before placing the teacup down. "This isn't the first time it happened…" She added on. Eren's cheeks turned red in embarrassment. "S-Shut up!" He responded without a second thought, before covering his mouth—though those words weren't vulgar for a teenager, his response did sound a little agitated with an obvious hint of embarrassment. He had feared that his sudden irritated tone may upset Mikasa even more.

But that wasn't the case, instead the raven haired girl continued to laugh. Eren relaxed, and he laughed with her. The tension seemed to have eased itself a little. Mikasa looked more comfortable. However, once the laughter stopped, a somewhat solemn expression fell on her.

"…It's okay." Mikasa spoke softly.

Confused once again, Eren tilted his head. "What do you—?"

"It's okay... to talk about  _him_ , to say his name in front of me." Mikasa assured, and if that wasn't enough, she started the conversation about him. "Levi… I didn't know he would come back all these years. To reconnect with me. I'm torn, Eren. I know I shouldn't be. I should hate his guts. I shouldn't have… been so emotional. I don't understand. I… I'm so confused on how I feel. I… I don't know what to do now. I just  _ran away_ …  _I want to keep running away._  I don't want to face him… what should I do?" As Mikasa said this, her tone was constantly changing from something frustrated, to something sad, then confusion. It was as clear as daylight to Eren that Mikasa had her emotions all in a jumble.

Armin wasn't here to give wise words. Armin was always the one who knew what to say and when to say it—at least more than Eren, that's what the brunette thought. Armin should be the one consoling her, giving her advice like how he always did for the both of them.

 _But he wasn't here._  It was just him, her and the salted tea. Eren knew he should be careful with what he said, and he hoped he wouldn't let any stupid remarks slip. It was already a pain to hold in all the resentment towards Levi—hell, he probably hated him even more than Mikasa.

Levi was no longer the hero in Eren's eyes, just the villain who just so happened to be Mikasa's biological brother who left his own sister a long, long time.

"I…" Eren started, but hesitated.

' _I shouldn't lie.'_  He thought.

However, before he could continue, Mikasa scoffed. She wore a smile, yet it seemed rather woebegone and weary. "Sorry." She had cut in, "I forgot…" She trailed off, closing her eyes for she didn't even know where to look, leaving Eren confused once again.

"Forgot what?" He asked, and the answer she gave next left him wordless.

" _I forgot that you hate people like me._ " She murmured, before slowly opening her eyes, forcing them to face Eren. " _People who run away from their problems._ "

* * *

Surprisingly, it didn't take long for both Jean and Armin to finish the first few parts of the project such as the research. Armin had assumed that Jean would've been the stubborn type that refused to accept his mistakes or be very disagreeable. But that wasn't the case.

Jean did his part, though there were some parts during the midst of their research that Armin couldn't help but find humorous. For one thing, Jean got confused by the term  _'acid rain'_ , he had assumed it was literally skin-burning acid that would fall from the sky. To say the least, the sheepish reaction he had when he found out the actual definition was humouring.

Now, they were just cleaning and organizing the mess they made through their process of researching. The scattered papers, books, pens, markers, highlighters—and the list goes on. As the blonde was picking up some books, he heard a sudden loud gasp of surprise from Jean's side.

" _YOU HAVE THE FIRST EDITION FOR THE FIRST VOLUME OF ATTACK OF TITANS?!"_

The loudness of Jean's voice had startled Armin, causing the few books he had picked up to be dropped and scattered on the ground again. The blonde turned to only see Jean's envious eyes fixated on his comic book. Armin had no idea how the hell that book winded up in this mess—maybe it was Karma for not listening to Mikasa's advice on organizing his books in the book shelves. Every now and then Armin would go on a reading spree and sometimes he would cross reference with another book for god knows why, and then that book may left in between the pages of another book, which was perhaps what happened.

And it just so happened that that comic just so happened to be in this mess.

"Haha, yeah… be careful with it." Armin spoke before walking over to Jean, who still looked envious. "Are you a fan of… this series? "He queried, his own eyes now gleaming with curiosity. He didn't expect Jean to be interested in comics.

Once again, Jean's cheeks flustered in embarrassment over how enthusiastic he got over a book. "Haha… yeah. D-Don't tell anyone though, or I'll kill you!" He huffed, Armin resisted another chuckle. Despite his  _'threat'_ , he could easily tell from his tone that he didn't mean it.

Jean wasn't like  _them_ , he didn't seem like he meant any harm.

"Yeah, yeah…" Armin reassured, he didn't need to ask the reason behind Jean wanting to keep his book taste a secret. He assumed that he didn't want to get judged over being a huge fan-boy over this particular comic.

Armin just smiled a little as he spoke, "I… have the early release of the video game for that series… if you want we can pl—"

"You do?!" Jean gasped, his eyes looking like excited stars now.

The blonde smiled as he nodded. He didn't know why he even gave out such a suggestion. He could've simply ended their interaction and wish him a goodbye. It wasn't like Armin liked to talk lot to people he was unfamiliar with, especially Jean—who also happened to be on Eren's dislike/hate list.

But Jean didn't seem so bad. Not to mention, Armin had nothing else to do, and it's not like he could call Eren and Mikasa over when they were supposedly sorting out their problems next door. Plus, there was a new emotion that stirred in his heart—excitement.

_Was this the excitement of making a new friend?_

It had been a while since he got along with someone else. It had been a while since he made another friend. Most people who interacted with him that seemed nice at first, were the ones usually using him for his grades—making him do  _all_  the work. But Jean wasn't like that,  _he actually contrib_ uted. And now, it seemed the two had something closely in common.

Either way he found it sort of ironic of that fact that he might become friends with the person who Mikasa rejected and the person who got into many arguments with Eren. Yet it didn't bother him, not now. That thought didn't last long in his mind, of what Eren, especially, might think if he did befriend Jean.

He just pondered on what was going on next door, if Mikasa and Eren had made up. If Eren realised Mikasa's feelings, and his own feelings as well. He wondered if he'd become the third wheel if that happens.

Maybe that's why he and Jean clicked so well—both of them were Mikasa-rejects. Even though Armin didn't know how Jean currently felt about the whole Mikasa-reject— _and the fact that he didn't seem heartbroken was a little bizarre to Armin_ —he figured at least he had someone to relate to in regards to his pathetic love life even though they weren't discussing it.

He still did envy Jean a little, whether it was an accident or not, Jean had let his feelings be known to the girl he liked. Armin on the other hand… didn't dare, for several reasons.  _Plus, she already had eyes for someone else, not him._

Pushing away those thoughts, Armin figured now wasn't the time to think or worry about all those things. He just wanted to have a little fun, a little distraction.

He didn't mind if they become friends, maybe he wanted that.

"Let's play." He finally spoke, with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review, would love to hear your thoughts!


	13. The Roles We Play —〈 II 〉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read Author's notes below.

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Maybe that's why he and Jean clicked so well—both of them were Mikasa-rejects. Even though Armin didn't know how Jean currently felt about the whole Mikasa-reject—_ _and_ _the fact that he didn't seem heartbroken was a little bizarre to Armin_ — _he figured at least he had someone to relate to in regards to his pathetic love life even though they weren't discussing it._

_He still did envy Jean a little, whether it was an accident or not, Jean had let his feelings be known to the girl he liked. Armin on the other hand… didn't dare, for several reasons._ _Plus, she already had eyes for someone else, not him._

_Pushing away those thoughts, Armin figured now wasn't the time to think or worry about all those things. He just wanted to have a little fun, a little distraction._

_He didn't mind if they become friends, maybe he wanted that._

_"Let's play." He finally spoke, with a smile._

* * *

"Ahhhh!" Jean groaned as he stretched his arms tiredly. "I didn't expect you to be so good at the  _Attack of Titans_ game…" He sighed. Armin chuckled in response, "You didn't play that bad for your first time." He commented before continuing, "Anyways, is that all?"

In the midst of the video game that they played earlier, Jean's mother had called him and nagged him to get some groceries for her before returning home. And despite the fact that she was not placed on speaker, her voice had been loud enough for Armin to hear—and to say the least, he did not expect for Jean's mother to give him the nickname  _'Jean-bo'_. It was hard containing his laughter after hearing that nickname, but he managed to swallow his laughter after Jean had shot him a glare before telling him to not ever say a word about it.

So now, Armin had led him to a nearby grocery store for him to shop for his mother's things. "Yeah, probably." Jean replied before making his way towards the cashier with the blonde following behind. "Thanks for accompanying me here." He added on before he handed the total due amount to the cashier. "No problem, I had nothing else to do anyway." Armin shrugged.

After paying for the groceries, they left the grocery store in silence. Normally, Armin would have made an awkward attempt to initiate a new conversation, especially if it was with someone he just got aquatinted with. He didn't like to bore them or make them feel uncomfortable. But it seemed like his mind had drifted off elsewhere, and had been too distracted to make an effort to occupy the silence that he probably didn't notice either.

And of course, his mind had drifted off into thinking about the confession and rejection between Jean and Mikasa. He found it hard to believe that Jean had gotten rejected, considering he didn't seem as heartbroken as Armin had expected for him to be. Then again, if Mikasa hadn't rejected him, he would have found that more unbelievable, shocking even. After all, she  _only_  had eyes for…

"Can I ask you something?" Jean asked, interrupting the blonde's thoughts. "Huh? Yeah? Sure… is it about the project?" Armin queried.

Jean shook his head. "No… it's actually about Mikasa... did… did she err… say anything? …I mean… if she told you about the…  _rejection_. She must've said some other things about me…" He laughed nervously.

"Mikasa didn't say anything bad about you… if that's what you're asking." Armin sighed. Well, on the bright side, at least Armin now knew that if he ever were to confess to her, she wouldn't say anything bad about him behind his back when she would in no doubt reject him.

 _Hah. As if I'd ever have the guts to do that._  Armin thought silently.

"Oh… That's good then." Jean sighed in relief with a small smile that slowly crept to his face, which made Armin…  _confused_.

What did he mean it was  _'good'_?  _And what was with that smile?_  Sure, Mikasa didn't bash on him… but the reality remained. He was rejected by her.  _So… how could he smile like that?_  Armin could understand his relief, but he couldn't understand his smile that looked so hopeful—like there was still a chance for him to be with her.

Armin didn't get it. Couldn't Jean see the obvious? He wasn't as dense as Eren when it came to feelings after all. Shouldn't he have noticed that he— _that nobody_ — had a chance with Mikasa? Unless, of course, it was Eren. Mikasa only had eyes for him, she loved him. She loved Eren in a way that she couldn't with Armin, or anyone else for that matter, right?  _What chance was there of her ever liking anyone else romantically?_

Armin knew his place, he knew the role he was meant to play. The best friend. The wing-man. The guy who  _never_  stood a chance in the first place.

Those were his roles. Those were his roles to play for the rest of his life.

Her lover. Her crush. Her soulmate— those weren't his roles to play… and it wasn't Jean's either, right? So why…? Why did he have that hopeful sort of look? Why would he want to go through the pain of chasing a love that was unrequited…?  _A love that could never be?_

It didn't make any logical sense.

"I know what you're thinking." Jean suddenly said, as if he had read the blonde's mind. "I bet you think that I stand no chance with her because of that reckless bastard… but you're wrong. I'll prove you wrong _! I still have a chance with her!_  I mean, like you said she doesn't…feel disgusted by me right? So that already gives me an advant—"

"So you're aware?" Armin interrupted, his brows furrowing.

"Aware..?

"You're aware that Mikasa likes Eren?"

"Of course…and that lucky bastard doesn't even—"

"Then… why? Why do you bother to continue with your… pursuit?" Armin asked. He still didn't get it, he still didn't understand why he still bothered to try to win Mikasa's heart, when her heart would only race for one person. And Jean was aware. He was fully aware that Mikasa's feelings were directed towards one person only. So… why did he still bother? Well, Armin got his answer—and he was definitely caught off guard by it.

"Why should  _I_  give up just because of a trivial reason like that?" Jean scoffed. Armin widened his eyes.  _Trivial?_  He thought.  _Mikasa's feelings towards Eren was nothing trivial._

"I mean, yeah she likes him… as annoying as it is. But… it's not like she already chose him, right? I still have a chance to win her heart!" Jean exclaimed the last part, before his cheeks flushed at his proclamation of love. "…don't tell her I said that though… I don't want her to think I'm weird...ahah…"

"… I don't get you." Armin sighed heavily. He truly admired how optimistic he was. If it had been him who was rejected by Mikasa, he would've probably lock himself in his room, surround himself with comfort foods, curl up in his beloved futon and then proceed to cry in regret. He wouldn't even know if he would still have the courage to face Mikasa anymore, considering if he had confessed… wouldn't it make things awkward in their friendship? Or worse, strain it? He didn't want that. It wasn't worth the risk. "…its' not like  _we_  have any chance…" He grumbled quietly to himself.

"Hey! Don't underestimate me! I do have a ch— _wait._ " Jean paused in his sentence, and even halted in his steps as he turned towards Armin with a shocked expression. "You said…  _'we'_. Wait… you like Mikasa too?" He gasped in shock, and Armin froze.

 _Crap,_ he thought.  _He had been careless._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jean called out, but to no avail, Armin had sped his pace and practically blocked out any  _'Jean-noises'_.

He couldn't believe that he had let that information slip—that he let someone else other than him know of the emotions he had towards Mikasa. Not to mention, out of all the people, it was Jean who was the first to find out. Even Eren didn't know about his feelings. Though, perhaps it was better than having Mikasa or Eren know, but still. He had let another person who wanted Mikasa's heart, know.

Maybe if he hadn't made a hundred and eighty degree turn and sped off, he could've somehow convince Jean that that wasn't what he said. He could have tried to twist his words into something that they were not. But it was too late, his sudden change of walking pace, and him practically ignoring Jean's calls for the past minute was enough evidence to confirm Jean of what Armin had said.

"Armin, wait!" Jean groaned before grabbing his arm to halt his movements. "You actually like Mika—"

"What does that matter to you?!" He suddenly snapped. He was too frustrated at himself. He didn't want to be reminded of  _that._ "It's not like I have a cha—"

"It does matter! Even if we're  _friends_  now…I won't go any easier on you!" Jean had cut him off, before slowly loosening his grip on the blonde, his expression was determined and his words puzzled Armin.  _If only he knew,_  Armin thought,  _that he had lost a long time ago._

_Armin knew his place._

"I… Look, Jean. Forget what I said. Mikasa and I…  _it won't happen._  So don't worry." Armin said, hiding the pain he felt as he said that. He wished his heart wouldn't ache so much when he would say these sort of things, it was the harsh truth he knew a long time back that he had  _thought_  he had accepted. But if he had accepted it, why did he feel so  _sad_ whenever he was reminded of the truth?

It didn't take Jean to figure his particular situation out. Well, most of it. He had been in relationships before and had seen other relationships blossom and wither. "…I'm going to go." Armin murmured, before he turned, and began to make his way back home. Well, that was until Jean had stopped him again, but this time his approach was gentler. He gripped his shoulder, reassuringly.

"…You know, you shouldn't keep beating yourself up like that. You have a chance too." Jean sighed, there was a sort of reluctance in his tone as he admitted that. If the mood wasn't so glum, Armin would have burst into laughter—the idea of him having a chance with Mikasa was baffling. "But I'm still not going to go easy on you! Gahh! More competition…" Jean groaned.

 _Jean was weird_ , that's what Armin thought. He didn't know why he would say such encouraging things to him if he wanted Mikasa's heart so badly. Maybe it was out of pity, and if it was it just made him feel worse. "…Jean. It's not happening. Forget what I said please. I am just her friend, that's…  _my role._  Drop it al—"

" _Role?_  Huh? You in a Television show or something?" Jean scoffed. "Who decided that that was your role? Why play a role that you don't even want to be in?" He remarked, "Trust me, I really don't want more competition especially since that reckless bastard already has a much upper hand… and so do you.  _But._  I don't like seeing people like you, like…  _that._ "

"Like… what?"

"Like they've given up because they thought it was too late, that it had already ended when it's just the beginning. You're a good person, Armin. I don't think someone good like you should live a life of regret And… just between both of us… after thinking about it, I think you're a much better suit for Mikasa than that reckless bastard… But of course, I'm the  _best_  suit!" He exclaimed with a huff.

Armin flinched. That was a first. It was the first time that someone thought that he was a better match for Mikasa than Eren.

"That reckless bastard, all he does is worry Mikasa. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a bad thing to stand up for others… but sometimes he gets into unnecessary shitty situations that could be resolved with a teacher or whatever. He can't see that his actions can indirectly hurt her… at least that's what I think. But you, you're different. You can probably make Mikasa happier." Jean admitted. He was definitely not saying all of these out of sympathy or empathy. Plus, the only reason why he never viewed Armin as a competitor was because he didn't think he was into Mikasa.

Armin was at a loss for words. What could he even say after all that?

Then, Jean's phone began to ring. When he picked it up, Armin could immediately identify who it was—his mother. And judging by her loud nagging voice, it was clear that she wanted him or rather, her groceries back home faster. "I'M COMING! Geez…" Jean groaned before ending the call, and waved Armin a goodbye. "I'll see you in school then, my mom's calling…" He sighed before beginning to walk off towards the bus stop.

"… Jean, wait!" Armin suddenly called out, causing Jean to turn and stop in his tracks. "What?" He asked.

"Why… would you tell me that? I still don't get it. If it's because you pity me—"

"Didn't you hear me just now?" He sighed, "Good people like you, shouldn't live a life of regret… And I've been in a somewhat similar situation as you before. If I could go back in time and have had more courage to confess to my first crush, I would." He chuckled a little, as he scratched the back of his head _. Maybe it wasn't complete pity that he had for Armin, it was probably more of an 'I want to help a fellow out, so you won't regret it like me' sort of thing._

"Plus, more competition or not, I'm still determined!  _I'm not afraid, anymore._ " The confident tone he used when he continued to speak definitely stunned Armin.  _It was a confidence that he could only dream of having, but never achieve it._  When Armin said nothing, Jean was about to turn and leave—until the blonde quickly stopped him once more.

"Wait one more th—"

"I know, I know." Jean spoke, as if he had read his mind once again, "I won't tell anyone about your  _Mikasa-crush_ , if you won't tell anyone about  _'Jean-bo'_ " He joked, before walking off, leaving the blonde standing there, confused and unsure.

_I think you're a much better suit for Mikasa than that reckless bastard._

Those words echoed his mind as began his walk home… and for the first time in so long, a little hopeful smile crept on his lips, similar to Jean's earlier. But, he was quick to wipe it away as he remembered the consequences of ditching his role for another pursuit.

…  _Was it worth the risk?_ Armin thought to himself, quietly.

* * *

Meanwhile, Eren didn't even know where to start or what to even say after Mikasa had pointed  _that_  out to him.

" _I forgot that you hate people like me… people who run away from their problems._ "

She wasn't wrong when she said that, Eren couldn't deny it. He hated those sort of cowards who refuse to take responsibility because they fear of the consequences they'd face, and instead run away from the problem. Armin's bullies were like that. They tormented the weak but when someone stronger comes along, or a high authoritative figure gets involved, they run away, act all innocent and give out fake apologies before they'd continue with the hell they give.

They were cowards. They didn't dare to admit their mistakes, they did not have the morals or courage to admit that their ways were wrong even after it being pointed out blatantly to them.

Mikasa wasn't like that. Mikasa wasn't like them. Mikasa was different.

A coward, is someone who lacks the courage or bravery to endure, admit or do something. They ran away when things got tough. But Mikasa… she endured  _so much shit_ from Levi. It was Levi who was the coward,  _not_  her. He had literally ran away from her, and didn't even have the courage to say a goodbye to his own sister face to face.

"I'm sorry." Mikasa suddenly said, cutting off his thoughts. She felt bad for putting him on the spot like that and figured it was probably best to just drop it before this conversation would snowball into an argument she desperately wanted to avoid. "I—"

"You are different Mikasa." Eren frowned, "Yes, you ran away. But you're not like them. You—"

"You're contradicting yourself, Eren..." Mikasa sighed softly, "I am running away. I don't… I can't bring myself to confront him. And…  _I want to keep on running away._  Because…  _I'm afraid_. So what's so different about me?" Eren remained silent as Mikasa poured out her thoughts. Her words sounded so familiar.

' _I'm afraid'_

' _I want to keep on running away'_

_Why did those words sound so familiar…? Eren thought, and then he remembered. That day. That rainy day where he found Mikasa drenched in both her tears and the rainwater._

When Eren didn't respond, she continued. "You know, Eren… not all cowards are bad. We're all afraid of something, and we're all afraid of confronting that something. That's why we run away from it, that's just… human nature. But there are some people who will confront and conquer it…  _but I'm not one of them._ I… don't think I'll ever be ready to see him." She confessed, an agonizing smile forming on her face as she realised how utterly pathetic she was.

"…You're right. I hate cowards." Eren finally replied after a momentary silence, "I hate how cowards would chicken out at the last moment, sometimes even betraying their friends. But maybe you're right… not all cowards are bad. It really depends. I hate cowards who hurt others and then disappear…  _like your brother._ " Mikasa blinked her eyes a little, confused and surprised of his words—of his supposed change of opinion and view on the topic of  _cowards_.

Admittedly, Eren couldn't deny what Mikasa had just said either. Besides, there was only one type of cowards that he despised the most… and Levi was one of the best examples he could think of at the moment.

"… How is he one?" Mikasa asked, in reference to Levi. Maybe he had been a coward before, but at least now he was trying to… build back the broken bridge between them.  _It was her, who was afraid._  "Isn't he… confronting—"

"I don't trust him, Mikasa. He might just want to reconnect with you because of his own selfishness. He probably just wants to remove his guilt or something, and not reconnect just because he misses you or whatever." Eren retorted, and it was his bluntness that stung Mikasa the most. There was a small part of her that maybe hoped for her to have a normal sibling relationship with Levi… but what Eren said diminished it, because there was that possibility too. There was the possibility that Levi came back for other reasons. Mikasa didn't even know who he was now anyway.

Even so, Mikasa couldn't help but question the brunette,  _"…How can you be so sure…?"_

"I'm not and I don't want to find out. Mikasa…" Eren murmured before looking straight into her eyes. He knew she was afraid of getting hurt, again, by him. He didn't know what game Levi was playing, but he didn't wish for her to take part if it meant she would end up being broken again.

"Maybe I'm running away too." Eren sighed as one of his hand ran through his messy hair. "…I just want you to be safe, Mikasa. I never like to see you… hurt. And if that means I'm a coward, so be it. As long as you're safe, and away from him…" The fact that the brunette was willing to be a 'coward' for the sake of Mikasa's well-being, really touched the ravenette—considering she knew how much he disliked running away. Although, his words alone wasn't enough to shoo away her glum and gloomy mood.

Yes, she hated Levi for what he did—how he had left her all alone, without a proper goodbye. And yet… she couldn't bring herself to completely despise him to the core.

"So… I should just shut him out of my life, huh…?" Mikasa mumbled, looking uncertain. It didn't take long for Eren to notice her uncertainty. It really did amaze him of the fact that the raven wasn't completely against giving him another chance, even after everything that he did.

"… Well, as much as I'm against it, if you want to confront him… I can't stop you. Just… do it when you're ready. And… remember, you have the option of closing that chapter of your life—involving him— for good. Though… if he hurts you again. I don't want you anywhere near him." Eren said with a clear animosity that was expressed in his tone.

Mikasa gave a small nod. "I… understand… um…Sorry, if I made you worry too—"

"You don't need to apologise Mikasa…" He muttered. "If anything, I should be the one apologising to you _._ "

 _That's right,_ Eren thought,  _I went to meet her in the first place to apologise._

Mikasa's eyes widened when Eren had finished his sentence but before she could've retort and disagree with his remark, he continued, "Remember the promise I made to you…?" And when Mikasa tilted her head just slightly in confusion, the brunette continued, "…That promise… on that day. That day when I saw you alone, in the rain. That day… I …" He paused in his sentence, unsure if he should continue since it was a sensitive topic… for Mikasa.

However, the raven only reached out and gave a small assuring squeeze to one of his hands. "Go on…" She insisted softly. "You… wanted to visit me to talk things out… right? So… continue.  _It's okay._ "

* * *

As Eren began retelling the tales of the past, Levi was still in the house, watching the rain fall… and it didn't seem like he planned on leaving anytime soon.

' _You_ _are not_ _her family.'_  Eren's hostile words was echoing around Levi's mind, and he couldn't get them out. He walked around the house, and from what he could recall when he was still residing there, nothing much had changed. There was still the old piano that Levi used to play when he was younger, he was surprised to see it clean, in good condition and not thrown out.

He slowly climbed up the stairs, and took a glimpse in his old room. And it was the same as how he left it,  _empty_. Except, once again, it surprised him to see that there wasn't any dust collecting in his old room. Did Mikasa clean it? Then again, why the hell would she?

Perhaps what he did next was unforgiveable, but it didn't seem to bother him as he took a step into his sister's room. Well, her room definitely changed. For one thing, there weren't as much dolls or toys scattered in her room as there were before. It was a reminder to Levi that she was no longer as little as she was before. It was a reminder that he had missed those years of watching her grow up.

What kind of person was she now? Were her grades doing fine? Was she one of those troublemaker kids at school?

_He wouldn't know, because he wasn't there._

He looked towards her study table before he noticed some photo frames with pictures of her, Armin and Eren. Well, at least he now knew that those three were still close friends. There were also some pictures of the younger her with their late parents. Now, he wondered if she still kept  _that._  He opened of the study table's built-in drawers, rummaging through the papers and files—to find something purposely hidden underneath all those sheets of paper. Hesitantly, he pulled it out, and it was the biggest surprise and shock he had since arriving here.

She still kept a photo of the two of them. Levi hadn't even been aware that she had this photo. It was a photo of Mikasa who had just arrived into the world, with a young excited Levi—who had just became a brother— standing next to her. He wondered if she had anymore similar pictures, but he didn't bother to look. This photo was enough evidence of his failure as a brother.

Then, a drop of water had hit against the glass of the photo frame he held, followed by another. If the windows in her room weren't tightly shut, Levi would've blamed the rain.

Perhaps it was a good thing that Eren brought Mikasa away, because he wouldn't want her to see him looking rather pathetic—to see him silently  _crying._

He didn't deserve to cry, he knew that. He shouldn't be the one crying. But the immense regret that weighed in his heart was all too much to handle or even control.

And the fact he knew that it was too late for an ' _I'm sorry'_  didn't make his heart feel any less heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hello! I hope this chapter was okay haha. Originally, it was going to have a ton of EreMika scenes(AKA what happened in the rain etc), since I've written a fair amount of AruMika already, but if i had added that, this fanfic would've been over 6000 words, which i preferably wouldn't want to happen since i find that too wordy ahah.
> 
> Anyway, looks like Jean is a lowkey AruMika shipper hMMMM, but he probably ships himself with Mikasa more lolol. (and no this isn't a hint to who ends up with Mikasa, I love AruMika and EreMika equally;,)) And poor Mikasa, she is in a dilemma if she should really reconnect with her brother or not. Eren is against it, but he knows he can't really stop her ehh
> 
> Also, I'm not sure if had stated this before, but this story updates once (sometimes twice?) a month because life sucks T-T wish I wasn't so busy;-; and i have another story to update too currently, which is 'Bloodlust' (it's SNK-related too :D)
> 
> Speaking of which, I have major exams coming up. So If I'm unable to update this fanfic (and the Bloodlust one, if you read that too) next month I truly apologise! (Once I'm free of all my exams, which is around mid-November, i swear i'm going to update more often haha)
> 
> Anyway, Please Leave A Review! I'd love to hear your thoughts/criticisms/ways I can improve etc.


	14. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Read Author's End Notes (Important.)

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_Mikasa gave a small nod. "I… understand… um…Sorry, if I made you worry too—"_

_"You don't need to apologise Mikasa…" He muttered. "If anything, I should be the one apologising to you_ _._ _"_

_That's right,_ _Eren thought,_ _I went to meet her in the first place to apologise._

_Mikasa's eyes widened when Eren had finished his sentence but before she could've retort and disagree with his remark, he continued, "Remember the promise I made to you…?" And when Mikasa tilted her head just slightly in confusion, the brunette continued, "…That promise… on that day. That day when I saw you alone, in the rain. That day… I …" He paused in his sentence, unsure if he should continue since it was a sensitive topic… for Mikasa._

_However, the raven only reached out and gave a small assuring squeeze to one of his hands. "Go on…" She insisted softly. "You… wanted to visit me to talk things out… right? So… continue._ _It's okay._ _"_

* * *

Eren remembered that day clearly… when he found her, alone and vulnerable, shivering and cowering in the dreadful torrential rain.

After he had escaped the nurses' grasp, he had quickly snatched an umbrella from its rack, before dashing off to search for Mikasa—to bring her back.

_Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen minutes passed._

He  _still_  couldn't find her. She was  _still_  missing. Anxiousness began to stir in the brunette's heart. The idea of losing Mikasa didn't sit well with the nine year old.  _What if she had gotten in an accident in this rain? What if… What if she was gone for good?_

 _No. That couldn't happen. Don't think those things._  Eren thought to himself.

Eren refused to return empty handed, with no Mikasa.

" _Mikasa?!_ " He began to yell, in hopes of hearing her voice calling back to him. " _Mikassaaa?!_ " He cried out desperately. Yet to no avail, the only response he received was from the strong gusts of wind that blew and blew harder. Eren's grip on the umbrella tightened so it wouldn't fly off as he persisted in his search. He wasn't going to give up. He wanted his friend back. He wanted to see Mikasa safe and sound somewhere,  _anywhere_.

And his wish came true.

Squinting his eyes, Eren noticed a familiar looking little girl sitting under a tree which leafs and branches were swaying violently in submission to the wind's fury.  _It wasn't safe._  He thought. It wasn't safe to be out here, under a tree when it seemed like its branches could break and crash onto the ground, where Mikasa was, at any moment.

In an instant he sprinted towards her, to see the raven's head buried in between her knees while her body quivered in the coldness,  _in the emptiness._  She was crying, Eren knew. But it wasn't time to make chit-chat or say a  _'hello, I'm here to bring you back!'_ to her, at least that's what Eren thought. He just needed her, out of here, under shelter. Her safety and health was his main priority. Without warning, he grabbed the raven's arm. "Mikasa! Get up! It's not safe here!" Eren urged, before pulling on her arm.

Eren had expected for her to at least react to his words and movements. He had expected her to listen, get up and follow him back without protest. Instead, she slowly and calmly looked up to him with her puffy-red exhausted eyes. "…I don't want to go back." She muttered weakly.

Eren frowned at her response, and it was clear he wasn't going to take a no as an answer. "What?! Mikasa, it's not safe here! You're coming back whether you like it or not! You don't have a choice!" He shouted, before he forcefully pulled her up. "Everyone's waiting for yo—"

Perhaps this was Eren's first mistake,  _his brashness._ He should've known better than to raise his voice at a girl who had just lost her parents, much less sound frustrated. But his worry and panic had overwhelmed him too much to have thought twice, he just wanted her back safely even if it meant dragging her back by force.

And then, it was almost as if Mikasa had regained some of her energy—well, either that or her sadness and pain had taken the form of frustration. She snatched her arm away from Eren before she stumbled onto her feet. "I said I'm  _not_  going back!" She shrieked, with her tears that continued to pour along with the rain. Before the brunette could've had a chance to respond, she continued to scream and shout at him.  _It seemed like Eren's words had triggered something in her, something upsetting._

"No... N-No one's waiting for me…  _No one!_  My parents are… d-dead, Eren… T-They're...  _They're d-dead_...! a-and… it's all because of me…" From abrupt vexation, she had sunk back into her miserable grief as she continued to wail. "If… If it wasn't my birthday today… if I wasn't born… n-none of this would've happened… they… t-they wouldn't have died... and now... now they're g-gone… I'm…  _I'm all a-alone…_ "

Mikasa suddenly felt like she was suffocating, her mind started to feel heavy.  _Maybe this is my punishment_ , she thought,  _for killing my parents._

"That's not true!" Eren retorted, and it seemed like Mikasa's sadness was contagious, as the brunette felt his own eyes welling up. It had hurt him more than he expected, to see Mikasa like  _this._  She was blaming herself for something that she didn't even cause, something that she couldn't even prevent.  _But she was unaware of that._  Her mind was clouded by too much grief and agony to know that it wasn't her fault. "This wasn't your fault, Mikasa! It's no one's… no one is blaming you! You're not alone! You still have me, Armin and…  _your brother!_ You still have Lev—"

"He's going to h-hate me…!" She cried out, "He…He's going to think that it's my fault… my fault that... they… that… t-they…" The rest of Mikasa's words were drowned by her tears before she had collapsed onto her knees that became too weak to support her. She was losing energy, and Eren began to notice how her breathing became heavy. If she stayed out in this torturous rain any longer, she was going to pass out from not just the cold, but from all the overwhelming emotions she was feeling.

Eren bit his lip. He hated himself, he regretted that he didn't try to comfort her at first when he had finally found her. He should've used a softer approach, rather than shout and demand her to come back. He should've taken into full consideration of how she might've been feeling then— _how broken and fragile she was_ — instead of being brash and trying to force her back. He had forgotten how sensitive she could be. Because right now, it didn't seem like he would be able to bring her back.

He wished Armin was here instead. He would've known what to do and what to say to her,  _he always did._  But he wasn't here. Eren was.

 _What would Armin do…? What would Armin do? What would Armin—no._  Eren stopped in his thoughts. He wasn't Armin, and he couldn't be him even if he wanted to. There was no point in thinking that.

_What did Mikasa need? What would convince her to come back?_

As Eren thought these things, he noticed how her face was beginning to lose its colour, how her whole body was quivering even more, how her whole body looked like it was going to collapse any moment… and he realised how he was just standing there, when he should be doing something. He didn't have time to think if he wanted to bring her back before she'd lose conscience. He needed to at least calm her down… but how?

Then, it came to him.

Almost instinctively, he tossed away the umbrella—he couldn't give two shits about being drenched in the rain now. And before Mikasa could move away, for fear of being dragged back to the dreadful place, Eren embraced her tightly. He hugged her and held her closely.

Eren had always found hugs embarrassing, and always tried to avoid them… but now, that didn't matter. He would make an exception for her. After all, he had remembered how hugs made her happy… because they gave her warmth, and he wanted to give her that.

_In this cold, dreadful rain…Mikasa needed warmth._

"I'm sorry." Eren whispered softly in her ear, in regards to his earlier insensitive brashness. He didn't sound demanding anymore, he sounded… gentle. "Listen, Mikasa…I know you're hurting… I know it's very hard to believe in what I'm saying… but it's true. No one blames you, because this wasn't your fault. You… still have your brother, who wants you back.  _You… still have a family._ "

Mikasa instantly melted into the warmth of his arms before beginning to sob in them. She felt her heartbeats beginning to settle at ease. She felt more relaxed when he wasn't yelling at her anymore.  _'You… still have a family'_  He was right, she did. But…

"B-But… how d-do you know i-if he... he i-isn't mad—"

"Because he's your brother, Mikasa… I promise you. I promise you that he isn't mad, that nobody's mad. Armin… My mother… and most of all, Levi, they're all waiting for you. They're all here for you. I… I am still here for you! I promise you, Mikasa… I promise that no one—especially Levi— is mad at you… so please, trust me and come back…" He pleaded.

Mikasa remained silent for a few moments, before slowly pulling away from him as she slowly looked up towards him. "… Promise?"

Eren noticed how Mikasa acted differently when he adopted a gentler and softer tone and approach. She trusted him more, she believed in his words more, she was more compliant and most of all, she had finally calmed down. It made him want to throw away all his past anger, and forget all the things that made him angry.

"I promise." He whispered before pulling her back into a hug which Mikasa returned. She didn't feel so cold anymore.

Soon enough, they were found by Carla and a nurse who then brought both of them back to the hospital. And this time, Mikasa had put up no struggle. When a nurse escorted Mikasa off to get dried, Carla gave Eren an earful before she went to dry him off as well.

A few days passed since then, a funeral was held for Mikasa's parents. And once again, Mikasa began to burst in tears while she mourned the death of her parents.

But at least, she still had Levi… she still had her brother. She still had a family, as what Eren had said. It was just Levi and Mikasa now, wasn't it?

_They were going to be there for each other, weren't they?_

Unfortunately, it seemed like Eren's promise to Mikasa was broken. After the funeral, Levi began to shut the whole world out, even his sister. Mikasa tried time and time again, to reconnect with him but to no avail. Mikasa didn't understand why Levi was shutting her out too. It… wasn't her fault, right? He… wasn't mad at her, right? Eren promised her that he wasn't.  _Then… why?_

Mikasa had eventually told Armin and Eren about Levi and how he chose to remain distant. The both of them chose to remain optimistic, and told her not to give up. They had reassured her that he just needed some time… and Mikasa was willing to wait. All she wanted was to just talk to him.

Time and time again, she tried to get his attention. She had got so desperate that she even began to do reckless things such as breaking glass objects that could potentially harm her. For a small period of time, her recklessness did lure Levi out of his cave—and that made Mikasa feel a little joyful, that he cared enough to check if she was okay. But in the end, Levi figured out her bluffs and tricks and he only became colder. Eventually, Mikasa stopped doing those reckless things, but she never stopped trying to reach out to him. This went on for a few years. Until one day… he suddenly disappeared.

When Mikasa saw his empty room, she was in denial at first. She tried calling him, to only find out he had changed his number. That's when the harsh, cold and cruel truth of reality pierced right through her already broken heart.

She ended up at Armin's doorstep, looking like a sobbing mess. She hated crying so much. She didn't want to seem like a cry-baby… but crying was all she could do, to ease the pain that Levi had bestowed upon her.

When Armin was greeted at the door by Mikasa's tears, he didn't know what to do to comfort her. He brought her inside, and had tried to calm her down, which had worked. Her tears finally halted… but so did her voice. When he tried to ask her what had happened, she didn't say anything. She just stared at the ground, with lifeless eyes that terrified Armin. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He was scared, he was scared to step into sensitive territory, where he may end up hurting her more with his words. Armin could've guessed what had happened, but he was scared to say it out loud.

He was scared to remind her of what hurt the most.

Instead, he called Eren. After explaining the situation, Eren rushed over to his house.

"Mikasa?" Eren called out as he entered the blonde's home. His eyes began to soften when he saw her sitting on Armin's couch, with a pair of lifeless eyes that he didn't to see. "What's wrong…?" He asked. But there was no response.

"Is it… your brother?" Eren guessed, and Mikasa flinched, which confirmed his suspicions. "Where is he?" The brunette asked. Mikasa flinched again, before a tear began to roll down.

"Eren… maybe you shouldn't—" Armin was cut off by Eren's words quickly, "If we don't talk about it, we'll never get to the core of the problem." Armin went silent. Eren was right, but the blonde was afraid that Mikasa may break even more if they pressed on any further.

"…You broke your promise… you lied…you said that he wasn't mad… you said that he wanted me to come back… yet… yet  _he left…_ " The raven finally said, before looking up to the brunette with the same sorrowful red puffy eyes that he had seen on that rainy day. "Levi… he left me… his room… is empty…he just left a note that told me not to talk to him… he even changed his phone number… I…he… _he's gone._ "

Eren's eyes widened. Like Mikasa, he was in disbelief. How could Levi leave her? He was supposed to be the good guy. He was supposed to be a super-hero like the ones he saw on television. He was supposed to be the person that Eren had always admired, because of his good nature.

He was supposed to a brother to Mikasa.

"T-That's not true!" Armin stuttered. "Maybe… Maybe he just… left for a short break! He's going to come bac—"

"Armin." Mikasa said solemnly, before her gaze averted away from Eren to him. "He's not coming back." She said, as if she knew that Armin already knew this, and he was just saying that to make her feel better. "He's…never coming back." She uttered, before a few more tears began to stream down as her body began to tremble, like how it did in the rain. And Eren didn't like it—he didn't like how Levi had hurt her.

He felt disgusted.

But instead of showing it explicitly, his hand wrapped around Mikasa's hands gently. "I'm sorry." His tone was soft when he apologised, though it was clear his infuriation didn't dissipate. He was still angry at Levi, but he learnt from the last time that displaying his anger in front of Mikasa wouldn't really make things better—it wouldn't make her feel better. "I was wrong. I thought he'd… Listen Mikasa, don't cry for him. He doesn't deserve it. Family… wouldn't leave their family behind. A brother… wouldn't abandon his sister. He isn't family." Eren murmured, and perhaps the last part sounded quite harsh, at least to Armin who immediately interfered, "E-Eren don't say that to her! You're going to upset her even more…!" However, Eren just ignored him. Eren didn't want Mikasa to think that someone like Levi could be considered family anymore. He didn't want to feed her with lies or false hope.

As Eren said that, it took a while for his words to sink in Mikasa.  _She really didn't have a family now, did she?_  "…I… I really… don't have a family anymore… My parents left… My own brother left…  _they all left_. I… have nobody." The raven muttered as more tears began to spill, and she felt this void in her heart. She felt so alone, she felt so cold. Her parents left the world and Levi left her alone. She felt cold, so cold… because she no longer had a family's warmth—it was gone,  _all gone._  At least that was what Mikasa thought. "It's cold… It's so cold…" She sniffed, "I-I'm… all alone agai—"

Then suddenly, Mikasa felt something warm being wrapped around her neck, it was Eren's scarf. "It isn't cold anymore now, is it?" He whispered softly, before squeezing her hand tightly. "That isn't true, about you having no family—about you being alone. Levi… he may be connected to you by blood, but that doesn't necessarily make him family."

"You still have Armin and I… we'll never leave you. Right, Armin…?" Eren continued as he took a brief glimpse to the blonde who only nodded his head unhesitatingly. "At least… this is a promise I can make, Mikasa." He whispered, "I promise that we'll never leave you…  _I'll never leave you._ "

Eren's words were like an eye-opener to her. How could she forget…?

 _That's right,_  she thought,  _I… still have them_.

_Family wasn't bound by blood, she had nearly forgotten that too._

However, she was still hesitant in believing Eren. Granted, she knew that Eren wasn't responsible for Levi's disappearance even if he did make that promise. Yet, she still couldn't trust Eren and his words. Levi once told her that he'd be a good brother to her… and look at what happened instead.

"How do I know you aren't lying…?" She sniffed, wanting to wipe away her tears… however she couldn't bring herself to remove her hands from Eren's warmth grasp. "How do I know you won't leave me…?"

"Because I care for you a lot, Mikasa. You're my friend. And I will always be here for you, to protect you." He said, before he slowly let go of Mikasa's hands, and proceeded to stick out his little pinkie finger. "I'll uh…I'll swallow a thousand needles if I break this promise…!" He smiled a little, before chuckling a little as if it was an attempt to liven up the mood.

Mikasa looked at him, then at his pinkie finger. She wanted to believe that there will be people that will still be there for her, that will still be with her by her side. And because she wanted to believe that, she raised her pinkie finger before wrapping it around Eren's, "It's a promise." She smiled a little.

_She realised that she wasn't alone._

* * *

Once Eren had finished retelling the past, he let out a heavy sigh and said, "Back then, I told myself that I wouldn't raise my voice at you, act brash or even talk to you in an angry way because I knew that that wouldn't solve anything…And now, look at me." Eren said. "Whenever we argue, whenever you would become so overprotective of me…it seems like I've forgotten to be more sensitive…and then you'd give me this sad look…"

"… _Eren—_ "

"I even told Armin that it was best to get to the core of the problem so as to solve it… and now look at me… we've been going back and forth, but never really resolving the  _'core'_  of our misunderstandings…" He had cut her off, before continuing, "Mikasa, I want to stop fighting…I want to protect you, I want to be there with you… but I don't want to make you cry or feel sad anymore. I don't want to be the one behind your pain."

Mikasa remained silent, she wanted to stop fighting too. But she didn't know how or what to say. So, she said the words she'd always said when they'd try to 'resolve' their misunderstandings, "I'm sorry… I didn't know I was bothering you… I—"

"Don't apologise, Mikasa." Eren stopped her in his words, before his hand went to hold hers again. It seems like holding her hand became a habit of Eren's whenever he wanted to make the raven feel relaxed, though it seemed like he was unaware that he had also felt relaxed too when doing so. "I don't want this conversation to end like the others… you know, the ones where we would apologise, but end up ticking off each other later… I don't want that to happen anymore. It's the same for you, isn't it?" He asked, before Mikasa gave a little nod. She didn't want to argue with him anymore either. "Then please tell me, everything… how you feel…you know… things like that."

The raven was truly taken aback by Eren's words. It had been a long time since she saw this side of him. But Eren was right. They really never resolved…  _this._  They'd always say a sentence or two defending their actions before apologising… then a few weeks later, Eren would get into a fight and the cycle repeats.

"…Ever since Levi left, I felt lost, even after that promise we made. But you… you then taught me how to live my life, Eren. You taught and showed me that I could live freely even when Levi left…You protected me too." She confessed before she continued, "Do you remember? That day, when the word got out that my parents passed away and my brother left… everyone at school started to whisper about me, and some of them even said hurtful things about me… calling me a  _'cursed child'_ … and, I thought it was okay. I thought it was okay for them to bully me and say those things… but you didn't. You told me to stand up for myself before you then stood up for me. I remember how you even got into physical fights because of that. I…I felt so guilty… you were doing all this for me, while I did nothing. You got hurt, because of me. I thought that… I could at least repay you… by protecting you back too."

As Mikasa said these things, Eren was listening attentively. And when she stopped, Eren responded. "You don't have to feel guilty Mikasa, I wanted to do this for you. What I did isn't some sort of debt that you have to repa—"

"That's the thing Eren," Mikasa sighed, "I know it isn't a debt I have to repay. But… you're all that I have left… you and Armin. I want to protect the both of you. I… understand how I can be so over-protective… but I can't help it. Do you… want to know why I am more over-protective of you more than Armin…? It's because you're so much more reckless, Eren. You always… charge straight ahead with strong determination and an unbreakable will… but you never stop to think twice if it's a good idea. Armin at least thinks twice, and he gets into less fights and trouble than you… I know my over-protectiveness can be annoying to you sometimes… I'm sorry, it's just… I wish you could be less reckless… I…I don't know."

There was a brief period of silence before Eren had suddenly let go of Mikasa's hand. At first, the raven thought she had said something wrong and offensive. This was the first time she ever talked to Eren this much and this deeply about her thoughts and emotions in regards to this particular predicament of theirs. And she was starting to think that it was a mistake when Eren's hand had shifted away.  _Was he going to walk away because he felt offended?_ Several worries began to surge into Mikasa's brain, but they all stopped when Eren continued the conversation… and he still had a soothing tone that made her feel so serene.

"…Let's make another promise then." He suggested, before lifting his pinkie finger up, just like before. "I won't be so reckless anymore, and you won't be so overprotective of me anymore…and that we'll always think of each other, before we do something that involves the latter? Sounds fair…?" Eren asked nervously. This was also the first time in a long time since she saw him this nervous. Even Eren didn't know why he was like this, especially when it'd involve Mikasa. Perhaps he was just afraid of saying something so wrong that could lead him to losing her.

Mikasa looked at his pinkie finger and thought back to the other promise he made, that he still kept. He was still here, he didn't leave her even when she could be annoying at times. He always cared for her, and this was just further proof of it. It was also further proof that Mikasa could trust Eren. "…just like before, huh?" She chuckled light-heartedly before wrapping her pinkie finger around his. "If either of us break this promise, we have to swallow a thousand needles, is that correct?" She said in a teasing way, as she remembered how exaggerative his promise was.

Eren rolled his eyes a little, "Yeah… I really don't want to swallow any needles."

Though, he wasn't afraid of this promise he made or swallowing a thousand needles… because in the first place, he didn't plan on breaking any promises to her. "… I hope we don't argue anymore… I really… don't like to see you hurt. I… prefer seeing you smile happily… you just look… uh, brighter I guess…" He said, feeling a little sheepish about it as he did and he didn't know why, and he didn't seem to notice Mikasa's cheeks flushing a little light red. "Y-Yeah… I don't want us to have more misunderstandings…" She murmured.

"…On another note," Eren spoke before the silence could've taken over, "What are we going to do about… Levi? Do you think he left?"

Mikasa bit her lip slightly as she looked away. She really didn't want to talk or even think about Levi right now, because whenever she did, her heart ached. "…I don't know. But… I don't want to go back home if he's there…I don't want to see him… not now." She still remembered what he said when he first stepped into the house.  _'I want to fix things.'_

_Did he really mean it…? Or did he just want to 'fix things' because he had double intentions?_

Mikasa didn't know. Mikasa was afraid to know. She didn't want to see him, not now. She wasn't ready. Not to mention, many years have passed since they had a proper conversation… things were different now, and too awkward. She barely knew him. What had he been doing all this time anyway?

"…Alright." Eren sighed, before getting up. "I'll call Armin to get your things."

Mikasa looked at him, perplexed. "My things…?"

"Yeah." Eren nodded before he grabbed his phone as he searched for Armin's number, "If you don't want to go back or be anywhere near him… then you should stay here for the time-being,  _with me._ "

* * *

_I think you're a much better suit for Mikasa than that reckless bastard._

Jean's words were still stuck in Armin's head even when he reached back home. They were replaying and replaying non-stop. He even began to feel some hope arising in his heart— _hope that he still had a chance with Mikasa._

Before he could dwell on his thoughts any longer, he heard his phone ringing. He went to unplug it from its charger before picking it up. He didn't seemed to have noticed the one unread message he had received… from his ex. Eren's call had interrupted him before he could've noticed it.

"Hello? Eren? What's up?" He asked. He wondered how things were going between Mikasa and Eren next door, whether or not if they had sorted things out for good… he was unaware of what Eren was to inform him of next.

"Hey, listen... Mikasa's brot—… Levi showed up at Mikasa's house unexpectedly… and she doesn't want to go back if he's still there. Would it be alright if you go and see if he's still there…? And if he is, can you help grab Mikasa's stuff like her school books and clothes and pass it to her at my house…? She'll be with me for the time being."

It took Armin quite a while to register what Eren had just said. "Levi's back…?  _Wait what?!_  He… why is he back?!"

"He said he wanted to 'fix things'…  _yeah, right_." Eren scoffed. "Look, just gather her stuff and come over if he's still there alright?" Eren asked. Armin parted his lips, and was actually about to suggest something that Eren would hate. He honestly thought this was a good opportunity for him and Mikasa to make up… and understand one another. But he stopped himself from voicing out his thoughts, knowing very well Eren would be opposed to his idea. He couldn't fault the brunette for thinking badly of Levi, though. Even Armin found Levi's actions rather unjustifiable and harsh, whatever the reason may be. But, he also knew how badly Mikasa wanted an answer and a reason for Levi's coldness and sudden disappearance… and wasn't now a good opportunity to find out why?

Though, he also knew that given the fact Mikasa was at Eren's place now… she had most likely didn't take Levi's sudden reappearance in her life as a good thing. She was probably still hurt and emotional after all he had done to her. That scar in her heart and the void that he had left her with had never healed completely.

If Mikasa wasn't ready to face him now, then that was fine. Similarly to Eren, Armin didn't want to force her. The only difference was that Eren strongly opposed her from seeing Levi and even giving him a second chance. As for Armin, he was leaning slightly towards the opinion where she should at least talk to him because of…  _reasons._  Regardless, in the end, both of them knew it was up for Mikasa to decide.

"… Alright." The blonde agreed before they hung up.

A few minutes after, he was at the doorstep of Mikasa's house and there didn't seem to be any traces of Levi anywhere. His shoes wasn't outside, and the insides of Mikasa's house appeared to be empty when he had peeked through the window. But of course, he couldn't be so sure.

 _'Please don't let Levi be there…'_ Armin internally prayed. He really didn't want to confront him, especially when the last time he saw him, he found him extremely _… intimidating._

After he took in some deep breathes, he had finally mustered the courage to reach for Mikasa's doorknob, twisting it, to only find out that the door was unlocked.  _Maybe he left and forgotten to lock it?_ He tried to convince himself this. He really didn't want to be confronted by him.

He began to make his way up to Mikasa's room. Once again, there seemed to be no trace of Levi. But once again, one could never be so sure.

"…Maybe I should pack her stuff, in case if he comes back…" He mumbled to himself, before he looked around for a big enough bag to place Mikasa's things. He placed her school books and such in the bag and then walked over to her closet and proceeded to pack some of her shirts, pants, towels and so on. "I feel like a thief…" He grumbled, as he glanced at the things he had packed. He felt like he was forgetting something.

"What else does she—ah… right…  _that._ " Armin sighed as he glimpsed over to one of her closet drawers that he hadn't opened and had guessed that that was where she had kept her…  _undergarments._

Armin felt his cheeks flustering at the very idea of… seeing them, much less touching them. He felt like he was invading her personal space, even though she had most likely agreed and consented to have him help her gather her… personal stuff. Armin's hands hesitantly reached out towards the drawer… but for one reason or another, he couldn't bring himself to even touch the damn drawer. Hell, he couldn't even bring himself to look at that drawer. He was too embarrassed. " _Gahhh!_ " He groaned before covering his tomato coloured face— he hadn't even seen anything and here he was,  _red._  "I can't—"

" _I didn't know Mikasa associated with perverts._ " Someone scowled, and Armin froze completely. The scary part of all this was that he knew who that voice belonged to— _all the more reason he didn't want to turn around._

It was Levi… and he had caught Armin at a very inconvenient and awkward time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:
> 
> Hello! Sorry for the inactivity ;-; exams and stuff haha… what's new? Ok first off, this chapter was actually supposed to be 8000 words, but I felt that was too long, so I cut it short. BUT I'm posting the rest of the '8000 words' tomorrow around this time in another chapter so horray!
> 
> Secondly, this took me a shit-ton of time to write. Like for the EreMika rain scene, I had to rewrite it at least 5 times because I was very unsatisfied, and I still kinda am but I don't know how else to improve it? Sometimes I feel like I contradict/misrepresent a character's opinion or personality… I don't know sigh. On another note, I was re-reading past chapters and realised the amount of spelling and grammatical errors gahhh! I hope to fix them soon. But once again, more exams are coming after me soon T_T hopefully, I'll be freer during November or December eh…
> 
> Once again, I personally feel like the quality of this fanfic going downhill, and I am considering re-writing some bits though that'd mean it'll take another shit ton of time eh. Let me know your thoughts. (Lmao I'm wondering if anyone's even still reading this :'))
> 
> Please Leave A Review! I'd really appreciate if any of you can give me advice or tell me how to improve!
> 
> PS: Please check out my other fanfic called Bloodlust! (It's AoT/SnK related too!)


	15. Regrets and Reasonings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Read Author's End Notes (IMPORTANT.)

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

_"_ _I didn't know Mikasa associated with perverts._ _" Someone scowled, and Armin froze completely. The scary part of all this was that he knew who that voice belonged to—_ _all the more reason that he didn't want to turn around._

_It was Levi… and he had caught Armin at a very inconvenient and awkward time._

* * *

At that moment, Armin felt his brain stopped functioning and had truly believed that if he didn't move… that maybe Levi wouldn't see hi—

"I can see you." Levi scoffed, almost as if he had read his mind. "What are you doing here? In her room? Taking her… clothes?" He queried, raising a brow. When Armin didn't respond and continued to face away, frozen, Levi began to walk towards him. "Oi—"

"I-I'm sorry!" Armin squeaked before he turned around. "I-I'll be going now! Sorry for the intrusion!" He laughed nervously before trying to make a run for it. Though, before he could, Levi grabbed him by his arm. In that moment, Armin expected to be beat up, yelled at… or be flung out of the window. He closed his eyes, expecting the worse, to only be have his expectations crushed… which was a good thing in this case.

"…Do you know where Mikasa went off to?" Levi had asked, and it was the concern and worry in his tone that caused the blonde to slowly open up his eyes to face him, though hesitantly.

There was this sincerity and genuine concern in Levi's tone that Armin could detect. Maybe Eren was wrong, about Levi not caring. Armin thought that he would be scared shitless if he ever saw Levi again, considering he had always found his deadpan and seemingly monotonous face scary. But, the Levi in front of him right now looked… vulnerable. Not to mention, his eyes were a little red.  _Was he… crying earlier?_

Well, regardless, Armin knew better than to tell the Ackerman in front of him of his sister's whereabouts. Eren would kill him if he did, though he'd probably kill Levi first.

"…I can't tell you—"

"She's with that brown-haired brat, am I correct?" He asked, before letting go of the blonde's arm. Perhaps it was the perfect chance for Armin to run off, but for one reason or another… he didn't. A part of him wanted to know why someone like him—who seemed like he loved Mikasa dearly, or at least  _used to_ — had abandoned her.

"…I can't tell you." He repeated, before silence took over their conversation.

Levi was a person that was hard to read, Armin knew that. He couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling other than guilt that he showed so clearly in his eyes—something that surprised Armin. He had expected him to look deadpan and monotonous, as he always did before. Or at least, not show his emotions in front of people like himself.

"…What are you doing here?" Armin questioned.

"...You're a smart boy, you should know why I'm here. Plus, that brown-haired brat told you, didn't he? Isn't that why you're gathering her things?" Levi sighed out, and it didn't really surprised Armin how he had caught on about the situation very quickly. He had always been a very sharp person. "Unless you think I'm lying, which is probably what that brat thinks… I can't blame him, after what I… did to her."

 _So he acknowledges it_ , Armin thought, in reference to how he was aware of what he had done to Mikasa.

"Are you angry?" He suddenly asked. Armin was caught off guard by that question, considering he had anticipated for him to ask something about Mikasa, especially it seemed like guilt was clawing at him. Nonetheless, he gave him an answer.

"I'm more disappointed than angry." Armin corrected, "I'm sure you have your reasons, but regardless of what they are, I don't think they justify your actions. You gave her a cold shoulder for many years… and she still never went away, she was always there waiting for you. Not to mention,  _she did nothing wrong to you…_  and then one day you just left her all alone…" Levi began to grip on his sleeves tightly, something that Armin had noticed while he was voicing out his opinion. He couldn't tell if he was getting annoyed from the blonde who was shoving his mistakes in his face, or if he was just devastated at himself for what he had done. Either way, Armin hoped that he wouldn't agitate Levi to the point he'd punch his face. Though, he was confident that that wouldn't happen… he was sure that Levi was smart enough to know that if he wanted to get on Mikasa's good side again, he shouldn't hurt her friends.

When Levi didn't respond, Armin continued to press him. "Why did you do that, Levi? Why did you keep your distance?" Once again, he was met by no response. Levi only looked away, and he could tell that he was ashamed. But the blonde didn't have time to be his personal counsellor. Armin didn't have that big of a heart to stay and console him either, especially when he wasn't going to provide an explanation. "…If you're not going to say anything, I'm leaving…" He murmured before he began to walk off.

"I couldn't bring myself to face her." Levi finally said, causing the blonde to stop in his steps and turn back. "I blamed myself for our parent's death. After all, if I didn't go to my piano class and instead chose to spend time with her, our parents could've avoided that car crash… and I… I became weak after our parent's death. I couldn't give Mikasa the emotional support she needed… I  _knew_  she needed me but…I couldn't be the 'big brother' that she needed. I treated her coldly, because at that time, I just wanted her to forget me.  _'She doesn't need a weak brother'_  that was what I thought at that time…I didn't want to burden her with my own grief and sadness… and I assumed she'd be okay, since she had you two. So I left. I thought it was for her own good, so she wouldn't have to see what a shit failure of a brother I was… and back then, I felt too ashamed to face her because I was so weak then…But now …I—"

"She needed you, Levi… she  _didn't_  need a 'strong' brother….  _She just needed her brother._ " Armin muttered, clenching his fist subconsciously. Maybe he was indeed angry after all… or rather, he couldn't believe the reason behind Levi's disappearance, was because of such a weak reason. It wasn't even a reason to Armin, it seemed more of an excuse. How could someone just leave their 10 year old sister alone, thinking that she'd be fine?

"… To some little extent, I do sympathise with you, Levi… but, I feel distraught after hearing your reasoning. You knew she needed emotional support… and you treated her coldly…? That's… unheard of." Armin sighed, "I…I know what it feels like… to want to run away when you're lost and scared…I've ran away from facing my fears too…sometimes I choose to remain silent too, because I'm afraid of hurting her…sometimes I don't dare say things because I fear that I may use the wrong words…but…" There was a growing frustration in Armin's tone, and unknowingly, he was  _glaring_  at Levi—something that caught Levi by surprise, since he always saw him as the timid one. "I would  _never_  abandon someone I love especially if I knew she needed me the most."

This was the first time Armin ever talked back to Levi… and he didn't feel any fear while doing so. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Levi left Mikasa, even when he knew that she needed him. Was he that fearful? Or did the death of his parents clouded his mind too much…?

And after Armin's anger-packed words, Levi just looked more ashamed and regretful. "…I know. I was a fucking idiot, I know. I shouldn't have treated her so coldly… I shouldn't have left her by herself… That's why I… really want to fix things with her. I… want to be her brother again. I want to erase the hurt I gave her…" He mumbled, "…What should I do now?"

Armin hadn't expect for him to ask him for help, especially after when he had essentially reprimanded Levi for his past actions. Not to mention, Levi looked so desperate, for help or even a simple advice that'd help him reconnect with Mikasa. Armin couldn't even believe that he had trusted him for advice—and he still couldn't believe that Levi, who always had his guard up, had it lowered right in front of him. What did he do to gain this…'trust'?

But it wasn't Levi's sincerity or genuine regret that made Armin not against Levi fixing things with Mikasa. Armin knew that if Mikasa and Levi choose to never talk about or confront their feelings with one another, Mikasa would never be able to move on completely from the hurt Levi gave her… and he didn't want that. She needed to get over that hurt for good, for her own sake. And how did Armin know this? Well… similarly, Armin was never really able to move on with his own feelings, because he never confronted it with her—and this, had always been burdening him, even if he didn't show it.

He didn't want Mikasa to feel this same burden.

"Honestly… I do want you and Mikasa to talk things out. Because I think that would be the only way for her to move on from the hurt you gave her. I mean… she doesn't know the reason behind your disappearance yet, right? And you haven't had a proper conversation with her yet, right?" Armin sighed, before continuing with a rather serious tone—he needed to make something clear. "But… if you plan on leaving her again without a word…if you plan on hurting her again… then I think it's best if you  _never_  come back again."

* * *

A week or so had passed since Levi's arrival, and Mikasa was still staying at Eren's. It didn't seem like her brother planned on leaving anytime soon. As for Armin, he kept his and Levi's conversation a secret from both Mikasa and Eren for obvious reasons.

Mikasa still attended school as per normal along with Armin and Eren. And Armin couldn't help but notice how Eren changed, even Mikasa. He didn't know what happened at Eren's, but Eren seemed more cautious about engaging into fights. For one thing, Eren didn't get into any physical fights with anyone for one straight week—to which, was a world record in Eren's case. As for Mikasa, she didn't seem to baby him as much as before. Of course, Armin was happy about this. It was a good thing after all.

The only thing that made him unhappy was the fact that Mikasa was now staying at Eren's. Admittedly, he did trust Eren to be with Mikasa. The thing that made him unhappy about all this was that now, he could no longer have his little walk to school with Mikasa—his personal time with Mikasa. That was the only time he had with her, alone. That was the only time where he didn't have to see her look at Eren with that look in her eyes that Armin couldn't help but feel envious.

To Armin, Mikasa was always… far away, very far away. And now that she moved over to Eren's for the time-being, she just seemed further. He was sure that now that Mikasa and Eren had more alone time with one another, it would inevitably lead to their relationship to progress even more, which in turn would make her drift further away from him. It was only then did Armin realised that he had another fear, which was becoming a third wheel in their friendship. But that wouldn't happen, right? After all, Eren was oblivious to Mikasa's feelings, and even his own.

Unless… Mikasa confessed her feelings to Eren. But what were the odds of that happening anytime soon?  _Right?_

Every night Armin would think these things, and this night was no different. He had tried reading a book to clear his mind of such thoughts. But one thing happened after the other and now he found himself lying on his bed tiredly, staring at the ceiling in 2am in the morning as his mind surrendered—allowing those thoughts to seep in.  _Is it bad?_  Armin wondered,  _that I don't think I really want… Mikasa and Eren to be together…?_

Undoubtedly, Armin did want to see Mikasa happy. At first, he thought that he would be okay if Mikasa chose to be with Eren… as long as that made her happy. But with everything happening… or more specifically, after the conversation he had with Jean, Armin began to realise how reluctant he was for that to happen—especially when it seemed that it was very imminent. And it wasn't just because he was in love with Mikasa, he also feared becoming a third-wheel,  _being forgotten._

Maybe he had watched too much movies, and read too much books about these sorts of things… but they do happen in real life too, don't they?

One day, Mikasa was going to get married with Eren… start a family… and then they'd be too busy to meet Armin—and eventually, he would be forgotten not just by one, but two of the people that he ever considered as close friends.

It was a stupid and 'irrational' fear… Armin knew that,  _but still._

Ever since Jean brought up that he felt like Armin stood a chance— _a better chance_ —against Eren… the blonde began to develop this… hope that he had thought he had lost long ago when he had thought he had already lost to Eren.

 _Maybe… I should do something_ , Armin thought. If he did still stand an equal chance, then he might as well do something… right? All this time, Armin never acted on his feelings. He just remained silent, and had kept it all to himself. And each day, it became harder to suppress the feelings he had for Mikasa.

Perhaps having this growing hope was a bad thing, because just as much as he had an equal chance of being with Mikasa, he had just as much of a chance of being rejected and having his hopes crushed. But just as Jean said... he might live a life of regret if he never confronted her about it. Then, it hit him.

Armin didn't want to live the rest of his life thinking of the 'what ifs', especially when he could still do something. He didn't have to remain as the  _'wing-man'_  role for the rest of his life, right?

"I…I should tell her!" He suddenly exclaimed, or rather, proclaimed before he sprung himself up on the bed. For the first time he felt extremely hopeful. For the first time he felt like he could do it. For the first time he felt courageous… as if all his doubts and worries went awa—

_Ring!_

Someone had sent him a message. It was close to 2am… who could be texting him this late?

Armin reached out to grab his phone, seeing that it was a text from Mikasa.  _Why is she up this late…?_  He pondered before he opened to see what she had sent.

And just like that, his hopes plummeted while his pessimism rose. He knew what this feeling was, he felt it all the time—defeated.  _He felt defeated, again._

' _Hey… Armin, how do I… know if Eren likes me back…?'_  She had texted.

And then, Armin began to laugh. He was laughing at how foolish he was, how ridiculous he was being. He shouldn't have let false hope mess with his mind and expectations like that—because now, he was feeling a certain pain in his heart that he had been trying to avoid all this time.

"Ah…I'm such a fool." He sighed after his brief laughter, "What was I thinking…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> NEXT UPDATE: NOVEMBER
> 
> So, as I mentioned previously, I'm sorry for the lack of updates due to exams and so on. And I have exams, once again, coming soon… sigh. The only time where I'd be able to find time to update and update more often would be in November so yeah :/
> 
> And also as I've mentioned in the previous chapter, I feel like this story's quality is kinda going to downhill? Idk man. Let me hear/know your thoughts on this :')
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading (if anyone is still even reading lmao T_T if you are then… wOO arigato lmao :3 )
> 
> Please Leave A Review! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and Ways I Can Improve! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this okay, eh. Please leave reviews/comments :) and Kudos too..


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